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Girlfriend has gone travelling. How do I deal with insecurity?

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and she recently left to go travelling for 6 months to India, South East Asia and then onto Australia.

We have a really really great relationship and I really trust her. She's never done anything in the past to make me doubt her and we are very much in love.

However, I can stop thinking ‘what if’ about certain things. For example, what if she meets someone out there and after spending many amazing moments together in an amazing place she starts to fall for him. Or what if unintentionally she drunkenly flirts her self in to a risky situation? Ive heard about what happens travelling, particularly with young people and so its just adding to my anxieties.

Its these sorts of questions that are really bothering me and I just need some relief. On top of all of this I’m scared that our conversations (we talk everyday by phone or text) somehow run dry and she starts to forget how much we love each other and she changes.

I really dont know how to stop thinking about all this stuff and its really getting me down so any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Reply 1

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by Anonymous

We have a really really great relationship and I really trust her. She's never done anything in the past to make me doubt her and we are very much in love.

If that was true, you wouldn't be saying this:

Original post by Anonymous

...what if she meets someone out there... what if unintentionally she drunkenly flirts her self in to a risky situation?... I’m scared that our conversations ... somehow run dry

Reply 2

AperfectBalance

21

Original post by DrawTheLine

If that was true, you wouldn't be saying this:

I mean even with the most trustworthy person there is always a small amount of doubt and especially for the worst of things.

Reply 3

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by AperfectBalance

I mean even with the most trustworthy person there is always a small amount of doubt and especially for the worst of things.

Nope. If you truly trusted your partner there would be no doubt.

Reply 4

AperfectBalance

21

Original post by DrawTheLine

Nope. If you truly trusted your partner there would be no doubt.

Well that is your opinion

Reply 5

Joshyouare

12

Original post by DrawTheLine

Nope. If you truly trusted your partner there would be no doubt.

I think being worried about someone when they're gone for 6 months is very normal and doesn't mean they don't trust each other. And it definitely doesn't mean that they don't have a good relationship.

My advice is to not be worried about texting her everyday. It's natural for conversation to go dry when you're messaging her everyday (especially when you're in Asia, South Africa and Australia in summer time) hehe.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

I know how you feel! But I am the one going traveling! Trust me you can have the most amazing and perfect relationship in the world and still catastrophize about all of these things! And it works both ways: I’m in the position of will my boyfriend get bored of waiting for me to come back - and I know he won’t but it is still there! It’s human nature. Signal and WiFi away is difficult too but you just have to trust that she talks to you as much as she possibly can and encourage her to to go on this amazing journey and have a wonderful time. Your Love will last if you make it last.

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and she recently left to go travelling for 6 months to India, South East Asia and then onto Australia.

We have a really really great relationship and I really trust her. She's never done anything in the past to make me doubt her and we are very much in love.

However, I can stop thinking ‘what if’ about certain things. For example, what if she meets someone out there and after spending many amazing moments together in an amazing place she starts to fall for him. Or what if unintentionally she drunkenly flirts her self in to a risky situation? Ive heard about what happens travelling, particularly with young people and so its just adding to my anxieties.

Its these sorts of questions that are really bothering me and I just need some relief. On top of all of this I’m scared that our conversations (we talk everyday by phone or text) somehow run dry and she starts to forget how much we love each other and she changes.

I really dont know how to stop thinking about all this stuff and its really getting me down so any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Go w/ her

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by DrawTheLine

If that was true, you wouldn't be saying this:

that was more me voicing my insecurities, not voicing my trust issues with her. I do trust her but naturally I do feel insecure about certain things, just because she's on the other side of the world. im more asking how I can deal with my feelings, rather than whether or not we have trust issues

Reply 9

doodle_333

19

Nothing you can do. She might change and meet someone else, that is possible. But you can't keep her at home so all you can do is try and relax, if you're pestering her or being paranoid you're more likely to push her away.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I know how you feel! But I am the one going traveling! Trust me you can have the most amazing and perfect relationship in the world and still catastrophize about all of these things! And it works both ways: I’m in the position of will my boyfriend get bored of waiting for me to come back - and I know he won’t but it is still there! It’s human nature. Signal and WiFi away is difficult too but you just have to trust that she talks to you as much as she possibly can and encourage her to to go on this amazing journey and have a wonderful time. Your Love will last if you make it last.

thanks for this! im always wondering if she is truly feeling the same way, although she tells me she misses me a lot, but I suppose its hard to fully believe that as she's in amazing places all the time having so much fun.
im determined to make it work and I think she is too so fingers crossed

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by doodle_333

Nothing you can do. She might change and meet someone else, that is possible. But you can't keep her at home so all you can do is try and relax, if you're pestering her or being paranoid you're more likely to push her away.

I haven't pestered her at all really. I encourage her to go and do things but still let her know I love her and miss her. im hoping that will eliminate the possibility of her wanting to move on in some way

Reply 12

Dunnig Kruger

16

If you really truly love her, you will be happy for her if she meets someone and has a great time with them.

Travelling is about broadening your experiences. There is a distinct possibility that she will meet someone.

Whilst she's away, there's nothing to stop you meeting as many possible replacements as you can. Not necessarily to cheat on your girlfriend, but to have some good contacts in reserve in case you do get dumped and it's time to move on to your next romantic partner. IE form some good platonic relationships with women you're attracted to while your girlfriend is off on her adventures. Make it clear right at the start of any platonic relationships that you love your girlfriend a lot and you're not planning on cheating on her whilst she's away. IE be open and honest and don't falsely lead anyone on.

This phrase very much applies:
If you love someone set them free. If they love you back they will return.

Reply 13

miser

20

That's the deal with relationships - you just have to make your peace with the fact that your partner might cheat on you. No matter who you're with or how much you trust them, there's always a chance and it's never zero.

I don't think the answer is to trust your partner more, or to pretend you know she won't do anything - I think the answer is to come to terms with the reality and not require things to be any other way. That means to work towards not being emotionally invested in outcomes that aren't sure to pass. If you can't accept the possibility of her cheating, you'll always be in conflict with the reality and will never achieve piece of mind and security in the relationship.

She might cheat and you might break up, and that's how relationships are. But you'd still give the relationship a chance, right? So feel comfortable with the decisions you've made, let go a little, and just enjoy the times you share together, for as long as you're able to spend them together.

Reply 14

Anonymous #4

go to the gym and beef up a little, you're insecure because you don't think you're good enough. so make yourself good enough

Reply 15

V for souVlaki

7

Original post by doodle_333

Nothing you can do. She might change and meet someone else, that is possible. But you can't keep her at home so all you can do is try and relax, if you're pestering her or being paranoid you're more likely to push her away.

True, there is a really high chance of that change to occur...

Reply 16

cman123

10

I'm not lying but the chances of her cheating on u is very high!!!!

Be prepared for a break up pal.

If she is shy and reserved then maybe not but since she's going on a tour like this i doubt it she's most likey already cheated on u man.

6 months!!!! omg why would u let her go on this by herself u dumbass u are fcked pal just move on already!!!

She's most likely going to get fcked or maybe even fall in love man it's 6 months, u should either go with her on this trip, else dump her before she leaves so u don't have to deal with pain of finding out she cheated on u man, u are just too naive.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 17

fallen_acorns

20

0% chance I would let my wife - before or after marriage, go away travelling for 6 months.

(Before people scream sexism, there is also 0% chance she would let me do it either)

Why? Because we are in a commited relationship, and our lives and futures are together. 6 months is a long time, and travelling is an amazing thing that can bring huge moments in your life. In my opinion, if your in a serrious relationship, that you want to last, those moments should be shared together! Not apart. If you want your relationships to last, you need to work on fostering them, and developing them, and a part of that is both intertwining your lives, and creating an abundance of shared experiences. Travelling alone does neither.

I would question, why its nessasary for her to travel without you?

All I can see is either:

1, she can go now, and you cant go now due to circumstances. In which case, why can't she wait for you? Maybe do something small now, and save the 6-month long life-changing trip until you can go together.

2, she wants to go, and you don't.. well thats a pretty big signal that your priorities are probably not in the same place..

Neither of those are good signs.

--

I haven't even mentioned the cheating. Obviously there is a increased risk of her cheating. But that for me is just a small part of the much bigger problems I have with a trip like this.

Reply 18

doodle_333

19

Original post by fallen_acorns

x.

You should remember different people are in different places in their life. Personally I wouldn't leave my partner for 6 months either even for a pretty once in a life time trip - but we've been together for 7.5 years so we're pretty long term committed - you're married so you're really seriously committed. OP and his partner have been together 18 months... you can't expect a life commitment at that point - they're probably also both younger which means less commitment too. Me and my partner have been traveling solo (both of us) at points in our relationship earlier on and it wasn't a big deal (although it also wasn't 6 months) although now we wouldn't consider it.