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People who play devil’s advocate

I am notorious for playing devil’s advocate in many situations and I’ve found that it really annoys people. I don’t understand why. Why is it annoying to contemplate the opposite view and explore other arguments relating to a given topic? My friends tell me I keep picking holes in things and my family are wary to discuss serious issues for fear that it would be a prolonged discussion. I like to “argue” and I like my opinions to be challenged and in turn I tend to challenge other people’s opinions. What’s so wrong with that?

Anyone else like this?

If playing devil’s advocate annoys you, why?

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Original post by Eva.Gregoria
I am notorious for playing devil’s advocate in many situations and I’ve found that it really annoys people. I don’t understand why. Why is it annoying to contemplate the opposite view and explore other arguments relating to a given topic? My friends tell me I keep picking holes in things and my family are wary to discuss serious issues for fear that it would be a prolonged discussion. I like to “argue” and I like my opinions to be challenged and in turn I tend to challenge other people’s opinions. What’s so wrong with that?

Anyone else like this?

If playing devil’s advocate annoys you, why?


Tbh I get your parents point. Just because anything can have an argument doesn't mean that you should. Sometimes it's the wrong time or a bit annoying. They don't want to have a long explanation for everything they discuss.
You're probably somewhat smart and want to be able to challenge opinions and have good debates but unfortunately not everyone is too interested. Why not go to some politics or debate club to express yourself?
To play devils advocate what if people aren't annoyed by your opposite views but rather are frustrated by their insecurities which form the foundations of their arguments? :holmes:

Spoiler

I do it far too much. Sometimes for my own entertainment and also because I think it's more useful than just telling people what they want to hear all the time and being a yes man. Sometimes I guess I do it inappropriately when all my friends want is just someone to agree and comfort them and be completely on their side. But whenever I'm given a problem I always see both sides so it's hard not to be vocal. I think it can get exhausting for people when they turn to you for sympathy and to vent, and you end up just causing a new argument with them. Can also make it seem like you think their problems are minor if you're so quick to offer alternatives
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
I am notorious for playing devil’s advocate in many situations and I’ve found that it really annoys people. I don’t understand why. Why is it annoying to contemplate the opposite view and explore other arguments relating to a given topic? My friends tell me I keep picking holes in things and my family are wary to discuss serious issues for fear that it would be a prolonged discussion. I like to “argue” and I like my opinions to be challenged and in turn I tend to challenge other people’s opinions. What’s so wrong with that?

Anyone else like this?

If playing devil’s advocate annoys you, why?


Theres a time and a place. It is good to see both sides, but you sound as though you have made yourself a reputation for being difficult and adopting a contrary view for the sake of it. I would find that tedious and unhelpful. I would just avoid you.
Original post by AspiringUnderdog
Tbh I get your parents point. Just because anything can have an argument doesn't mean that you should. Sometimes it's the wrong time or a bit annoying. They don't want to have a long explanation for everything they discuss.
You're probably somewhat smart and want to be able to challenge opinions and have good debates but unfortunately not everyone is too interested. Why not go to some politics or debate club to express yourself?


I don’t play devil’s advocate with my parents, they don’t have the patience for that. But I do play it with my siblings which annoys them to no end. And when I do it’s not conscious (it actually never is), it’s only when they start complaining that I realise that I’m doing it again. I don’t know, I tend to appraise all the given sides of an issue before coming to a conclusion and I do it subconsciously.

I don’t know if I’m ‘smart’ but I like to debate, but never seen the appeal in public debating. I’m an introvert and only my close relations ever see this side of my character. Also I don’t do this every time, I would say most times I just sit there and listen if I don’t have the energy or I just don’t care, but when I do engage I sometimes challenge their views.
Yeah I don’t do that.

Original post by 999tigger
Theres a time and a place. It is good to see both sides, but you sound as though you have made yourself a reputation for being difficult and adopting a contrary view for the sake of it. I would find that tedious and unhelpful. I would just avoid you.


And that’s fine, I would avoid you too. I tend to choose friends where we can challenge each other and see things differently. Otherwise the friendship is boring. For this reason, my closest friends are on the opposite spectrum to me politically, religiously and personality wise.

Also you’re implying that every single conversation I have is this way, I’d say probably 40% because the rest of the time I just listen because I don’t care to argue.
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
Yeah I don’t do that.



And that’s fine, I would avoid you too. I tend to choose friends where we can challenge each other and see things differently. Otherwise the friendship is boring. For this reason, my closest friends are on the opposite spectrum to me politically, religiously and personality wise.

Also you’re implying that every single conversation I have is this way, I’d say probably 40% because the rest of the time I just listen because I don’t care to argue.


As I said theres a time and a place. You seem to have difficulty recognising and choosing those times such as you become hard work and obnoxious to other people. Friendship is about more than arguing. Just because you can doesnt mean you always should.
Original post by 999tigger
As I said theres a time and a place. You seem to have difficulty recognising and choosing those times such as you become hard work and obnoxious to other people. Friendship is about more than arguing. Just because you can doesnt mean you always should.


I don’t think the problem is on my end, it’s on the opposite persons end for simply wanting me to sit there and agree all the time. The few times that I do challenge them, they’re annoyed that I don’t simply agree. What’s wrong with seeing the opposite point of view?

I personally think this is one of the core issues with the human race, our inability to see things from another point of view and our tendency to bulldoze our opinions without giving any leeway to change.
Reply 9
Avatar for HateOCR
HateOCR
22
Party pooper thats why.
Original post by HateOCR
Party pooper thats why.


What?
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
What?


Stop asking too many questions. It annoys some people.
Reply 12
Avatar for gjd800
gjd800
20
Sometimes it looks like doing this is just being a smart arse for the sake of being a smart arse. Other times people don't like having their convictions questioned. Smart is being able to do it but wisdom is knowing when to.
(edited 6 years ago)
In the right context it can be very beneficial when making big decisions. If you do it all the time for the sake of it, its irritating and people will see you as argumentative and immature.
Original post by HateOCR
Stop asking too many questions. It annoys some people.


Yes it does. Mentally lazy people.
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
Yes it does. Mentally lazy people.


Mentally and physically lazy people don’t bother to find out answers themselves :smile:
I had a career dispute/issue/bullying and my work friend (in a different department) played devils advocate. My every anecdote was questioned as was I and I don't know why I let her but I needed backup. On reflection, this is a prominent feature of her personality as she is very intelligent and enjoys debates. The difficulty is sometimes a friend needs someone to accept the facts presented as support without this judge and jury stuff. It's ruined our friendship.
Original post by Yamyambabe
I had a career dispute/issue/bullying and my work friend (in a different department) played devils advocate. My every anecdote was questioned as was I and I don't know why I let her but I needed backup. On reflection, this is a prominent feature of her personality as she is very intelligent and enjoys debates. The difficulty is sometimes a friend needs someone to accept the facts presented as support without this judge and jury stuff. It's ruined our friendship.


I think I’m that friend, I thrive on debates and like to explore all avenues before arriving at a conclusion, and even then my conclusion is still liable to change. If you’re not comfortable with her doing it continuously I think you should let her know that it’s affecting your friendship, everyone around me is used to it.
If there's anything worse than a "yes man" it's those "erm, no, actually..." people - you're not one of those, are you :rofl:
Original post by It's****ingWOODY
If there's anything worse than a "yes man" it's those "erm, no, actually..." people - you're not one of those, are you :rofl:


I am actually... what’s wrong with debates? The world will be so boring if everyone just agreed with each other all the time.

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