Why do I always get 'the ick' with guys I fancy??!

This has happened literally all my life, I might start fancying someone and feel we have good chemistry but inevitably with the increasing attention I get from them I start getting 'the ick' as its known as :lol:

basically small things about them start to annoy me and feel a bit put off by them and receiving messages from them etc even when they are doing nothing wrong and not acting clingy or anything like that. Then when they stop giving me attention the ick stops but it will start up again if they do :s-smilie:

Feel like theres something wrong with me bc it's happening yet again when this time I thought it would be different :lol:

Any other girls had this experience?

(edited 6 years ago)

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Reply 1

Kevin De Bruyne

Original post by tootles44

Feel like theres something wrong with me bc it's happening yet again when this time I thought it would be different :lol:

Any other girls had this experience?

Would you describe yourself as a perfectionist?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by tootles44

Feel like theres something wrong with me bc it's happening yet again when this time I thought it would be different :lol:

Any other girls had this experience?

Yes! That happens to me too. I start to like a guy a lot but say after a few weeks, I just don't see anything and feel no chemistry towards them.

Reply 3

Fizzy98

HAHAA this is literally me I don’t know how to fix it. It’s sometimes things as stupid as what jeans they wear and I KNOW that’s dumb and ridiculously shallow. It’s like... it’s not u, it’s ur jeans :/

Reply 4

boatybells

YES omg someone put it into words

Reply 5

thaliaevelyn

I had the same thing. I was fine flirting with guys before they actually reciprocated and then they could have been the world's most perfect guy but I suddenly couldn't stand them or found some reason to not like them, most of the time without even meaning to.
Turns out I'm a lesbian.

Reply 6

username3675916

I had the absolute same. Yes, I am perfectionist and I guess maybe that played into my psyche a bit. After the 'honeymoon' period everyone slightly feels this way anyway. But in my last relationship I guess I stuck through until I passed this stage, because he was really nice and patient with me. I think once you get past this feeling in one of your relationships, it won't be of that importance in the future.

Reply 7

username2908878

This is amazing ! Yeah I get this too xox

Reply 8

Bham369

Original post by tootles44

Feel like theres something wrong with me bc it's happening yet again when this time I thought it would be different :lol:

Any other girls had this experience?

know what you mean!

Reply 9

saharan_skies

this is like..... me. i start having good vibes about a guy and then as soon as i start going out with them, i start feeling slightly disgusted of things that they do. (idk if its because im actually not that into guys at all or because i get grossed out easily )

Reply 10

NoPunInThisName

Well then there's no hope for us, is there?

Reply 11

choleCcarknif3r

I think it's like once you get to know them a bit more, you just aren't really into them. It happens, honestly. You can't like everyone you talk to :tongue:

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

Original post by tootles44

Feel like theres something wrong with me bc it's happening yet again when this time I thought it would be different :lol:

Any other girls had this experience?

Oh gosh, I’m exactly the same!

Reply 13

Tootles

Original post by tootles44

Feel like theres something wrong with me bc it's happening yet again when this time I thought it would be different :lol:

Any other girls had this experience?

This happens to guys too.

Also, nice try at stealing my name :colonhash:

Reply 14

winterscoming

It sounds to me like you've just never managed to find the kind of deeper connection which grows over time as you really get to know someone. If you haven't had the chance to experience a real meaningful connection with anyone yet, don't worry, it'll happen eventually, but it's not going to appear out of nowhere. Obviously you can't force something out of nothing, but both sides do actually need to make an effort, be patient with the other, and actually really want it to work.

Don't try to over-think it or see it as a problem. It might be because they're not that into you, or maybe it's because you're just not that into them, or perhaps you think you want a relationship but actually you're still having fun just meeting people and dating, and you just don't want to settle for somebody just yet given that there are so many other people out there who might be better for you. It doesn't matter the reason why, all that matters is that you know it's not working out, and there's no point beating yourself up about it, or wondering if there's something wrong with you - you've got your own life to live, so live it and don't dwell on the relationships which didn't work out.

If you're worried that you're being too picky, or searching for the impossible, just remember that there's a huge difference between wanting a relationship and really wanting to be with someone so much that you'll both put in the effort needed to make it work - this doesn't happen often because it takes a lot of time and patience; you need to want that person enough that you can deal with the highs and lows, the personality quirks, the annoying habits, etc.

Just think how many years you've known your best friend, all the stuff you've done together, and how hard you'd find it to replace him/her in your life - until you've got that kind of connection with a partner, then you probably haven't met "the right one" yet.

When it does happen, you'll really know about it because that person will be a potential life-long partner who you'd actually seriously be considering spending the rest of your days with, All the things about them which annoy you will just stop bothering you, and you'll most likely even start to find those quirks attractive because it's their 'true' personality shining through - i.e. the flaws and faults in your partner which nobody else really notices, and nobody else appreciates or understands about them quite the way that you do.

Until then, just accept that it's going to happen with nearly all of your future dates (if you're lucky, it will happen with all but one). By the way, guys go through exactly the same thing after dating a few months, we're just as likely to lose interest, or decide that she's not really worth the effort, or end up more interested in somebody else, or just figure that life is easier without being joined at the hip with somebody.

Reply 15

Ray_Shadows

i could say the same about girls tbh

Reply 16

XxGemmaRosexX

Hello.

I think I have this with my boyfriend but only when I'm annoyed. I will get annoyed over a little thing like the way he eats (when I'm in a annoyed mood) so I totally understand where your coming from. LOL! I think most girls get this feeling too... or maybe some boys get this feeling?? who knows... x

Reply 17

The SQA Hates Us

OH MY THIS IS ME AS HECK

There's this boy I've been kind of crushing on for a little while, and now he's shown signs of liking me (idk how to describe it's just the same stuff that I do when I like someone) I've completely been put off by him!

Reply 18

Anonymous #3

1. your standards are ridiculously high and you don't realise everyone has flaws including yourself. unrealistic expectations of boys
2. you're going for the wrong guys and getting involved with people too quickly for the sake of it
3. you like the game and the chase
4. there could be something holding you back from wanting a relationship, now might not be the time