In a messy situation. stuck between two people

I am in a really messy situation. I broke it off with my boyfriend who was just toxic to me and due to family reasons I ended it. I could not cope so I decided to end it. I have been with this guy for 4 years and I always let his mistakes go but this one time I had enough. Let's call my ex Tom. During the breakup, my friend Ben was there for me. I met Ben through work. He showed a lot of interest in me and treated me amazingly. However, I could not consider giving Ben a chance because been in such a long-term relationship that I would not be able to go through the relationship cycle. My ex Tom had seen every side of me and still stayed even if it was toxic and unhealthy. Ben had been there for me, through my lowest points. I told him clearly at the start that I couldn't offer a relationship to him which he was fine to wait for me to recover. A few weeks later, my ex-got in contact, and I decided to give him a chance of giving Ben a chance. I began to devel feelings for Ben but I still love Tom if that makes sense. I am now back with my bf Tom. Things have been better than before as he is working on his mistakes. Although, yesterday my work friend Ben come because he had his review as yesterday was his last day. It made me want to cry just seeing him but I couldn't because I was at work so I was holding the tears back. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation as I don't know what to do..