English language paper 1 question 2

This seems like a solid answer to me, could you possible get a teacher to mark it?

Nope. Could u mark it pls

I think you could expect to get level 3 (5-6 marks out of 8) for your initial answer. I've modelled how I'd expect it to become an 8:

Firstly, the writer uses repeated rhetorical questions to show that the narrator is confused and unsure of himself. He asks himself, “What was it?” These short monosyllabic words imply panic and suggest that he is unsure because of what he is seeing. He is baffled at the sight. He also may be frightened as he isn’t certain about his surroundings; therefore, they could be harmful. The reader may feel sympathy for the narrator as he could be looking at something dangerous and threatening. He's very much out of his comfort zone.

Secondly, the writer uses the semantic field of violence when he describes the animals as “dangerous” and “ wild”. This suggests that the animals could harm the narrative voice; “dangerous” connotes death and aggression. Also, the narrator may feel confused as he doesn’t know why the animals may be “dangerous” and “wild”. The reader may feel frightened for the narrator as he appears unsafe; he has lost control of his situation.

The writer uses an onomatopoeic verb, “shrieking”, to describe what the narrator heard the monkeys doing. This suggests that the noise is unsettling the narrative voice. He also may be scared because they are crying out - any calm has been shattered; the environment is edgy. The verb “shrieking” connotes pain and terror which could further unnerve the narrator as something terrible may have occurred with the monkeys. Alternatively, this could show that the monkeys have been hurt which could indicate that the narrator may be harmed too: understandably, increasing his fear and tension.