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Feel bad but don't want to give in....

How do you feel about the whole name change thing after marriage? Ladies, did you change yours/do you think you will? Guys, would you be offended if your partner didn't?

Basically I don't think I'm going to change my name to take his, and he doesn't like it. He feels esmaculated, his friends have taken the piss, and it's just caused a bit of friction between us. He tries to not get too hung up on it or give me too much of a hard time but I can tell it does really bother him deep down. I think he struggles to accept or understand my reasons behind why. He's accused me of just doing it for some "extreme feminazi reason".

The truth is I just don't feel comfortable doing it. My name means something to me, and it wouldn't feel right if I changed my surname. It wouldn't feel like my name anymore, it'd just be words on paper. I'm very very close to my family and it'd feel strange to just lose that link.

I do feel pretty bad if it's made him feel rubbish, but it's irritated me slightly that it was just assumed I'll change it. And when I've suggested compromises or asked how he'd feel taking mine (just to try to get him to empathise) it's been an instant no and "how can that even be contemplated".

I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I don't want to just give in.

Reply 1

cat_mac

I’m the same, I love my last name and would only change it if my partner had a better one! Your name is a big part of your identity, don’t change it if you don’t 100% want to. With time hopefully your man will get over it and realise that his wife’s name is only emasculating if he’s insecure.

Reply 2

DrawTheLine

If I get married to my boyfriend I will be changing my name. I hate my surname and his is pretty nice so I'll be happy to change it. However he needs to respect that it's your name, your decision.

Reply 3

3121

Have you considered taking on a joint name? Like yoursurname-hissurname. Even though I’m a guy I think when i get married I’d take on her surname

Reply 4

Dunnig Kruger

Original post by CrazyPantha27

Two married people without the same last name can cause eyebrows to be raised and also cause a lot of unnecessary hassle when it comes to documentation, children etc.... Just a heads up. It generally makes your life a hell of a lot easier and hassle free to take the same last name. Whether it be his or hers.

Hassle? Such as? Please give examples.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

I wanna keep my surname but get rid of it at the same time. What if his one isn't so nice?

Reply 6

CrazyPantha27

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

Hassle? Such as? Please give examples.

Just realised I didn't read the scenario properly and muddled it up with other problems married couples without the same name had i'd read about. Apologies.

Reply 7

Dunnig Kruger

Changing surname, wearing a white dress, having a reception, lot's of guests, honeymoon to exotic location, hen nights, stag do's, engagement rings, wedding rings, asking the parent's permission, being given away by the father, throwing the bouquet of flowers behind you, tin cans tied to the car, arriving in a white Rolls Royce, cutting the cake, the first dance. None of that matters one bit. You can do all some or none of it, and do any of it well or badly and none of it will make any difference to the health of your marriage.

The only things that matter are that you love each other very much. Are committed to spending the rest of your lives together. Are sexually, temperamentally, financially, number-of-children-desired compatible.