Someone I'm seeing, says he will wait but is always talking about sex!
So I'm seeing this guy, we've been out on 5 dates or so, some of which have been whole days sometimes and spent a fair amount of time chatting. I did see some warning signs, as in the first few times we went out he asked me about 'my number' and what sort of relationships I've had and what things I like sexually etc. But, he also said that he's always just had girls that want to hook up and not really anything meaningful lately, and that I'm different as I don't just want that. (to give some context we are both mid 20's)
He said that if he genuinely likes a girl, he will want to wait if she does.
I got that, and thought I would give him a further chance and went out with him a few more times, because I do actually think we get on well and I enjoy seeing him and spending time with him (rare for me).
But - he does still keep bringing up sex, and asking and talking to me about things I'm not comfortable with. I may sound like a prude, but I just want to be able to trust someone and get to know them for them- thats what makes me want someone, not sex. I just don't feel that strongly about it - I think its a nice by product of being with someone, but not the forefront of what I'm looking for.
He knows this - and he says he respects it and that I've told him off about it so much that in person, he doesn't try much with me. and he doesn't. physically he doesn't ever force anything.
Its more over text and phone it all starts, and I end up being uncomfortable and reverting back to my shell like state where I don't want to open up to him anymore.
He says he wants something serious like eventually to find a girlfriend, but I wonder what that means to him - someone for sex, or something more meaningful?
My question is - this guy, who is genuinely a nice guy, and doesn't try it with me in person since I said what I said, and says he will wait and isn't seeing anyone else, but still talks about it a lot and makes me feel like this - is this normal? am I overthinking this too much, or does this sound like red flags/warning signs and time to end this?
I do like him, and I just feel confused because we get on so well, asides from this aspect ....
thanks for any advice
He said that if he genuinely likes a girl, he will want to wait if she does.
I got that, and thought I would give him a further chance and went out with him a few more times, because I do actually think we get on well and I enjoy seeing him and spending time with him (rare for me).
But - he does still keep bringing up sex, and asking and talking to me about things I'm not comfortable with. I may sound like a prude, but I just want to be able to trust someone and get to know them for them- thats what makes me want someone, not sex. I just don't feel that strongly about it - I think its a nice by product of being with someone, but not the forefront of what I'm looking for.
He knows this - and he says he respects it and that I've told him off about it so much that in person, he doesn't try much with me. and he doesn't. physically he doesn't ever force anything.
Its more over text and phone it all starts, and I end up being uncomfortable and reverting back to my shell like state where I don't want to open up to him anymore.
He says he wants something serious like eventually to find a girlfriend, but I wonder what that means to him - someone for sex, or something more meaningful?
My question is - this guy, who is genuinely a nice guy, and doesn't try it with me in person since I said what I said, and says he will wait and isn't seeing anyone else, but still talks about it a lot and makes me feel like this - is this normal? am I overthinking this too much, or does this sound like red flags/warning signs and time to end this?
I do like him, and I just feel confused because we get on so well, asides from this aspect ....
thanks for any advice
Just get alone with him in a room. Touch his private area outside his trousers. Give him a cheeky wink and ask him to take his trousers off and put his ‘stick’ in your mouth. Easy.
It might be that he is either insecure and feels that you might leave him after sex. (Maybe you don't like something about him because of sex.)
(Lots of people have sex quite early in a relationship so that they know that there is one less thing to worry about. Since some might leave a person due to them not having experience or because they are not being satisfied, etc.)
Another one is he may just want to feel the thrill and wants to get with you on a deeper level. (No pun intended.)
He may also just want you for sex so he can brag to his friends.
We will never know which since we can't see him or his thoughts.
What I would do is tell him that you don't want to have sex until you are ready and he will have to respect that or leave you.
(Lots of people have sex quite early in a relationship so that they know that there is one less thing to worry about. Since some might leave a person due to them not having experience or because they are not being satisfied, etc.)
Another one is he may just want to feel the thrill and wants to get with you on a deeper level. (No pun intended.)
He may also just want you for sex so he can brag to his friends.
We will never know which since we can't see him or his thoughts.
What I would do is tell him that you don't want to have sex until you are ready and he will have to respect that or leave you.
Original post by monkeyman0121
It might be that he is either insecure and feels that you might leave him after sex. (Maybe you don't like something about him because of sex.)
(Lots of people have sex quite early in a relationship so that they know that there is one less thing to worry about. Since some might leave a person due to them not having experience or because they are not being satisfied, etc.)
Another one is he may just want to feel the thrill and wants to get with you on a deeper level. (No pun intended.)
He may also just want you for sex so he can brag to his friends.
We will never know which since we can't see him or his thoughts.
What I would do is tell him that you don't want to have sex until you are ready and he will have to respect that or leave you.
(Lots of people have sex quite early in a relationship so that they know that there is one less thing to worry about. Since some might leave a person due to them not having experience or because they are not being satisfied, etc.)
Another one is he may just want to feel the thrill and wants to get with you on a deeper level. (No pun intended.)
He may also just want you for sex so he can brag to his friends.
We will never know which since we can't see him or his thoughts.
What I would do is tell him that you don't want to have sex until you are ready and he will have to respect that or leave you.
Good points. Maybe it is the not knowing if you are compatible on that level that is making him like this ..
Its harder to give that ultimatum on a serious note, as we are just casually dating. I find it hard to be serious about it as I say it so often (but in a joke way) so that I don't sound so serious all the time, and also because he is still free to do whatever he likes, as we are not a couple yet
modern dating is so complex haha
Sorry to be blunt but you are straight up boring and it's probably in his best interest you leave him.
5 dates and you're not even comfortable talking about sexual activity let alone doing it? lol what the hell.
5 dates and you're not even comfortable talking about sexual activity let alone doing it? lol what the hell.
Personally I’d say you can have a serious relationship with meaning and have sex and it’s actually an important part of it. With my partner it is probably more about being close and connected... although obviously fun too! 😉 But for us it brings us closer emotionally and that’s what we enjoy. He made sexual comments over text early on and we slept together early on too, but we still felt serious and committed to each other, it’s certainly not impossible to have both. I guess the difference is we were both open and comfortable with it and so it was fine, but if you aren’t and you’ve explicitly said stop maybe think about what you both actually want and maybe that’s not compatible. I’m actually not sure the guy I’m seeing would have actually stopped the occasional sexual/ flirty message it was more ‘bants’ I guess, so I’m not sure it’s a red flag, as I also know he didn’t actually expect sex and wouldn’t have done anything if I hadn’t pounced first 😂
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