Fast-foward to the future

You're about to settle down. How important is it to you that your future in-laws - especially your other half's parents - like you?
It's just a question I've been thinking about recently.

It would be essential that (at the very least) the immediate family of the girl I'm with liked me. I wouldn't be able to settle down with a girl if I knew that her family despised me. I think when it comes to romantic relationships, problematic parents and family members are often trivially dismissed by onlookers.
The pursuit of a relationship under such circumstances is encouraged as it is seen as an act of defiance that is worthy of praise.

But I think proceeding with such a relationship only opens the door to an array of problems further down the line, particularly if you have children. The awkwardness, the lack of communication, the breakdown (or worse severing) of close family relationships, and the lingering sense of rejection are things I wouldn't be able to live with; it's just not worth the trouble.

What about you? Is it important to you that your future in-laws like you?

Share your thoughts.

the pursuit of a relationship under such circumstances is encouraged as it is seen as an act of defiance that is worthy of praise.

Fair enough, but what if that means the girl ends up being cut off from her family as a result? That wouldn't sit well with me. Mainly because I'd rather not be the cause of a family breakup, and I know the problems are bound to manifest in some way in the future eg she'll inevitably end up missing her family, feeling conflicted etc. And even if things were seemingly fixed, I'd always have that niggling feeling that they still secretly despise me.

I don’t get how the marriage will happen if his family doesn’t like me in the first place though lol...

A lot of people go ahead with marriages despite family disapproval. Perhaps it is not so common in your culture.

If she decided to choose me over her family I'd feel maybe a little bit bad but at the end of the day that'd be her choice. I wouldn't let myself get too cut up about something she'd ultimately done herself. If she got totally cut off, it'd maaayybe cause trouble down the line but if I was committed enough to settle with somebody regardless of their family's opinion of me then I'd like to think I'd be willing to try and work through whatever issues. If things go wrong, they go wrong, but I'd rather have had a bash than end a relationship based on the opinions of people who weren't actually in the relationship.

I can understand why that'd be something people would want to avoid tho. In general I think everybody would rather have an easier time than a harder one.



Ring up the registry office and elope not an option for you then?

What would you have done had your parents strongly disliked him? Would you have been prepared to cut all contact with them if you couldn't gain their approval?

Sounds as if your parents are quite willing to find a compromise. I suppose that has its pros and cons, but overall, it results in less friction. I guess a lot of how things fall into place is down to luck.

Yeah, I agree. The problems may not always be immediately obvious, but they eventually emerge further down the line (from what I have observed).