My girlfriend has changed for worse...what do I do?
Me and my partner have been together for over 3 years now, and she has been the best thing in my life. We have travelled Europe together, had lots of fun and most importantly been each other’s rock through good times and bad. I even saved her life but that's a different story which I don't like talking about much. Like any LTR, there have been ups and downs, but ultimately, we have been devoted to each other with the intent on getting married as soon as we finish our studies. We are both mature students (I'm 24 studying psychology at uni whilst she is 27 studying accountancy through a part time course).
I'd say the changes started to develop around 2 months ago. Neither of us had very many friends and were mostly in each other’s company almost exclusively, she has self-esteem problems which I find ridiculous as she is extremely beautiful and lovely, and she never really ventured to make friends. Well, around 2-3 months ago, she met a Polish girl of a similar age on her course (Same nationality as her), and started hanging out with her quite often. My gf told me that this girl works as an escort (Fancy term for prostitute), and often travels to different destinations in Europe for business. Well, not too soon, my gf jetted off to Warsaw with this girl to spend 4 days. I was concerned knowing that she was an escort, but my gf bought me round and assured me it was just a trip back home and that they were staying at her apartment and were going to be hanging out with friends of this girl, going out etc. I was still concerned about it but trusted her that it was a girls holiday and not anything devious.
On the trip she had a good time. She sent me pictures of herself out with these girls, spoke to me everyday on the phone and although my imagination was somewhat active, I stayed relaxed and was fine. After the trip is when things have really started to change.
It begun with her being on the phone ALL THE TIME in Polish to the girl and other friends she had made. I didn't mind too much, I was glad she had friends and seemed happy... the only annoying thing was that I had no idea what she was talking about. But she would come to mine, and instead of snuggling and watching a movie or cooking some nice food and talking, she would lay on my bed talking to her friends for hours at a time and if not that then on messenger. She then started becoming evasive of me...not responding to my messages and finding excuses not to meet up. A few weeks ago we met up for the first time in a week for a coffee and then to go and have a night at my place, but when she turned up about 30 minutes late, she was talking on her phone and didn't even acknowledge me for about 10 minutes, and then started being really strange toward me...not aggressive, just kind of sarcastic and having one word responses to conversations I was trying to start. In the end we went to mine and I recall it being fine, I asked her if she still loved me and if everything was fine in her book, and she confirmed that of course she loves me.
This past week though has been the worst. Whenever I try to message her, even to say good morning, she responds with 'I'm busy' or some other lame excuse if not at all, even though she is active on messenger. When I bought it up, she blocked me, only to unblock me hours later. I haven't seen her now for 2 weeks, when we used to spend every day together. She was supposed to spend Friday night with me, only to at 6pm say that she had to cancel as she had accountancy homework to do, but that she would be with me on Saturday night. Well, what do you know...after trying to get hold of her all day to arrange a time and place, at around the same time again she cancelled due to having 'a sudden cold' and she even fake coughed on the phone.
I am fearing that these girls have been a bad influence on her. I recently discovered that these girls all work in the adult industry as escorts or strippers, and have heard of the multiple day drug and booze binges they have together...and my gf was there with them. I remember during their trip, they phoned me up one night drunk and were all ripping on me, messing with me and ridiculing me for how much money I make compared to them. When I confronted my gf, she had told me she was asleep at that time and told them off the next day, but I was sure I heard her laugh in the background. I tried to plan a little getaway over Easter break, but she told me she already has plans to go away with her friends in that time, and when asked where and for how long, didn't respond, and changed the topic. However today she told me she loves me still and wants to be with me. I am very confused and feel almost like she is playing games with me.
The fact is she has changed, for worse...and I am worried about her. She has begun drinking a lot, and is usually fairly drunk when I talk to her. I am deeply worried that they are coercing her into becoming a hooker. She is going to really screw her life up and all for the sake of fitting in with a few friends. We are supposed to be moving into our own place together in May and I want her to snap out of it and become her usual self again.
I feel like there is not much I can do. If she is going to choose becoming a trashy alcoholic 'you know what' then that is her life choice and she is free to make it, but it absolutely breaks me to witness this happening and I feel like I am being punished for nothing. What do I do to convince her that they are the wrong crowd? I feel like there is a certain point at which I need to have some self-respect and walk away because I am being treated like a total fool. But I will do anything within my power to not let it get to that point because I can see the path she will be on and it's ugly, and I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about what could and should have been.
I'd say the changes started to develop around 2 months ago. Neither of us had very many friends and were mostly in each other’s company almost exclusively, she has self-esteem problems which I find ridiculous as she is extremely beautiful and lovely, and she never really ventured to make friends. Well, around 2-3 months ago, she met a Polish girl of a similar age on her course (Same nationality as her), and started hanging out with her quite often. My gf told me that this girl works as an escort (Fancy term for prostitute), and often travels to different destinations in Europe for business. Well, not too soon, my gf jetted off to Warsaw with this girl to spend 4 days. I was concerned knowing that she was an escort, but my gf bought me round and assured me it was just a trip back home and that they were staying at her apartment and were going to be hanging out with friends of this girl, going out etc. I was still concerned about it but trusted her that it was a girls holiday and not anything devious.
On the trip she had a good time. She sent me pictures of herself out with these girls, spoke to me everyday on the phone and although my imagination was somewhat active, I stayed relaxed and was fine. After the trip is when things have really started to change.
It begun with her being on the phone ALL THE TIME in Polish to the girl and other friends she had made. I didn't mind too much, I was glad she had friends and seemed happy... the only annoying thing was that I had no idea what she was talking about. But she would come to mine, and instead of snuggling and watching a movie or cooking some nice food and talking, she would lay on my bed talking to her friends for hours at a time and if not that then on messenger. She then started becoming evasive of me...not responding to my messages and finding excuses not to meet up. A few weeks ago we met up for the first time in a week for a coffee and then to go and have a night at my place, but when she turned up about 30 minutes late, she was talking on her phone and didn't even acknowledge me for about 10 minutes, and then started being really strange toward me...not aggressive, just kind of sarcastic and having one word responses to conversations I was trying to start. In the end we went to mine and I recall it being fine, I asked her if she still loved me and if everything was fine in her book, and she confirmed that of course she loves me.
This past week though has been the worst. Whenever I try to message her, even to say good morning, she responds with 'I'm busy' or some other lame excuse if not at all, even though she is active on messenger. When I bought it up, she blocked me, only to unblock me hours later. I haven't seen her now for 2 weeks, when we used to spend every day together. She was supposed to spend Friday night with me, only to at 6pm say that she had to cancel as she had accountancy homework to do, but that she would be with me on Saturday night. Well, what do you know...after trying to get hold of her all day to arrange a time and place, at around the same time again she cancelled due to having 'a sudden cold' and she even fake coughed on the phone.
I am fearing that these girls have been a bad influence on her. I recently discovered that these girls all work in the adult industry as escorts or strippers, and have heard of the multiple day drug and booze binges they have together...and my gf was there with them. I remember during their trip, they phoned me up one night drunk and were all ripping on me, messing with me and ridiculing me for how much money I make compared to them. When I confronted my gf, she had told me she was asleep at that time and told them off the next day, but I was sure I heard her laugh in the background. I tried to plan a little getaway over Easter break, but she told me she already has plans to go away with her friends in that time, and when asked where and for how long, didn't respond, and changed the topic. However today she told me she loves me still and wants to be with me. I am very confused and feel almost like she is playing games with me.
The fact is she has changed, for worse...and I am worried about her. She has begun drinking a lot, and is usually fairly drunk when I talk to her. I am deeply worried that they are coercing her into becoming a hooker. She is going to really screw her life up and all for the sake of fitting in with a few friends. We are supposed to be moving into our own place together in May and I want her to snap out of it and become her usual self again.
I feel like there is not much I can do. If she is going to choose becoming a trashy alcoholic 'you know what' then that is her life choice and she is free to make it, but it absolutely breaks me to witness this happening and I feel like I am being punished for nothing. What do I do to convince her that they are the wrong crowd? I feel like there is a certain point at which I need to have some self-respect and walk away because I am being treated like a total fool. But I will do anything within my power to not let it get to that point because I can see the path she will be on and it's ugly, and I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about what could and should have been.
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To me it seems from what you’ve said that she hasn’t really had a group of friends before and never fitted in.Now she has a group (albeit a strange one) who want to include her in things this is all new and exciting. I’m also assuming she is Polish herself? I think most people have a “rebellious” or transformative phase and maybe she never had one. She feels like she is changing as a person and moving on with life and you’re still remaining from her “old life”. She still loves you but subconsciously resents you as you represent the “old her”.
What I’d be vigilant about is the fact that these girls seem VERY KEEN. I’d be more worried about trafficking/grooming into that lifestyle tbh. Her infatuation will go away in time and she will go back to being herself, it’s just a question of whether you’re prepared to stick around on the back burner until then.
What I’d be vigilant about is the fact that these girls seem VERY KEEN. I’d be more worried about trafficking/grooming into that lifestyle tbh. Her infatuation will go away in time and she will go back to being herself, it’s just a question of whether you’re prepared to stick around on the back burner until then.
You are certainly in a difficult situation but, honestly, it seems like she has emotionally already broken up with you. I'm sorry to say that but that is what is seems like. Also, I do think she was part of the phone call to you. Why would a group of girls/woman that you don't know well at all just decide to ring you up and give you grief..... there is no point....it doesn't make sense.... most people just wouldn't operate like that unless she was encouraging them.
Sadly it seems as this relationship has run its course. You are right she's making terrible choices but she is an adult and these are her choices to make and she doesn't want you to tell her your opinion (because she already knows it, and probably knows you're right) and that is why she is avoiding you.
I would break it off with her and frankly, and I can't believe I'm saying this because I don't generally believe in this method, I don't think she deserves a face to face break up. In this case I'd do over text and be done and then block her and keep her blocked. I know you love her and you want things to go back to how they were but that ship has sailed, at least for the foreseeable future, and it will take something drastic to get her to change her MO at this point (well, that I is my opinion).
Best of Luck to you - I hope you can work things out and be happy together again but, sadly, I'm not sure that will happen.
Sadly it seems as this relationship has run its course. You are right she's making terrible choices but she is an adult and these are her choices to make and she doesn't want you to tell her your opinion (because she already knows it, and probably knows you're right) and that is why she is avoiding you.
I would break it off with her and frankly, and I can't believe I'm saying this because I don't generally believe in this method, I don't think she deserves a face to face break up. In this case I'd do over text and be done and then block her and keep her blocked. I know you love her and you want things to go back to how they were but that ship has sailed, at least for the foreseeable future, and it will take something drastic to get her to change her MO at this point (well, that I is my opinion).
Best of Luck to you - I hope you can work things out and be happy together again but, sadly, I'm not sure that will happen.
Original post by Hopefully1
You are certainly in a difficult situation but, honestly, it seems like she has emotionally already broken up with you. I'm sorry to say that but that is what is seems like. Also, I do think she was part of the phone call to you. Why would a group of girls/woman that you don't know well at all just decide to ring you up and give you grief..... there is no point....it doesn't make sense.... most people just wouldn't operate like that unless she was encouraging them.
Sadly it seems as this relationship has run its course. You are right she's making terrible choices but she is an adult and these are her choices to make and she doesn't want you to tell her your opinion (because she already knows it, and probably knows you're right) and that is why she is avoiding you.
I would break it off with her and frankly, and I can't believe I'm saying this because I don't generally believe in this method, I don't think she deserves a face to face break up. In this case I'd do over text and be done and then block her and keep her blocked. I know you love her and you want things to go back to how they were but that ship has sailed, at least for the foreseeable future, and it will take something drastic to get her to change her MO at this point (well, that I is my opinion).
Best of Luck to you - I hope you can work things out and be happy together again but, sadly, I'm not sure that will happen.
Sadly it seems as this relationship has run its course. You are right she's making terrible choices but she is an adult and these are her choices to make and she doesn't want you to tell her your opinion (because she already knows it, and probably knows you're right) and that is why she is avoiding you.
I would break it off with her and frankly, and I can't believe I'm saying this because I don't generally believe in this method, I don't think she deserves a face to face break up. In this case I'd do over text and be done and then block her and keep her blocked. I know you love her and you want things to go back to how they were but that ship has sailed, at least for the foreseeable future, and it will take something drastic to get her to change her MO at this point (well, that I is my opinion).
Best of Luck to you - I hope you can work things out and be happy together again but, sadly, I'm not sure that will happen.
Well what do ya know...after not seeing her for almost 2 weeks and her keep coming up with excuses not to see me, I got suspicious today and did a search of hookers in a few of Polands main cities. Sure enough, scrolling through the Warsaw list with her descriptives... I find her profile, clear as day, offering blowjobs and dates and shags for £50 a pop. I am not even ****ing joking right now. The girl who has been my rock and by my side constantly for 3 years, the girl I was planning on marrying, we had already decided what our kids names would be...turns out she is a ****ing lying, cheating, dirty trampy whore.
Words can't even describe how much anguish I am in right now, i want to both kill myself and her at the same time...but I know I can't get destructive.
Original post by Forestieri
Well what do ya know...after not seeing her for almost 2 weeks and her keep coming up with excuses not to see me, I got suspicious today and did a search of hookers in a few of Polands main cities. Sure enough, scrolling through the Warsaw list with her descriptives... I find her profile, clear as day, offering blowjobs and dates and shags for £50 a pop. I am not even ****ing joking right now. The girl who has been my rock and by my side constantly for 3 years, the girl I was planning on marrying, we had already decided what our kids names would be...turns out she is a ****ing lying, cheating, dirty trampy whore.
Words can't even describe how much anguish I am in right now, i want to both kill myself and her at the same time...but I know I can't get destructive.
Words can't even describe how much anguish I am in right now, i want to both kill myself and her at the same time...but I know I can't get destructive.
Oh god... I'm genuinely so so sorry that this is happening to you
Having read your original post, this is not in any way your fault and you do not deserve this.Please do not do anything rash, and be cautious with how you go about confronting her.
Although I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now, I'm sure with time everything will get better. I wish you the best.
Original post by Anonymous
Oh god... I'm genuinely so so sorry that this is happening to you Having read your original post, this is not in any way your fault and you do not deserve this.
Please do not do anything rash, and be cautious with how you go about confronting her.
Although I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now, I'm sure with time everything will get better. I wish you the best.
Having read your original post, this is not in any way your fault and you do not deserve this.Please do not do anything rash, and be cautious with how you go about confronting her.
Although I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now, I'm sure with time everything will get better. I wish you the best.
I have a massive urge to out her on fb so that everybody knows how despicable she is...but I don't know if I would get in trouble for that.
I'm in a nightmare.
Original post by Forestieri
Well what do ya know...after not seeing her for almost 2 weeks and her keep coming up with excuses not to see me, I got suspicious today and did a search of hookers in a few of Polands main cities. Sure enough, scrolling through the Warsaw list with her descriptives... I find her profile, clear as day, offering blowjobs and dates and shags for £50 a pop. I am not even ****ing joking right now. The girl who has been my rock and by my side constantly for 3 years, the girl I was planning on marrying, we had already decided what our kids names would be...turns out she is a ****ing lying, cheating, dirty trampy whore.
Words can't even describe how much anguish I am in right now, i want to both kill myself and her at the same time...but I know I can't get destructive.
Words can't even describe how much anguish I am in right now, i want to both kill myself and her at the same time...but I know I can't get destructive.
OH. WOW!!
A lot is going through my mind right now. You have every right to be angry! Anybody would feel the same but although you're just talking in jest be careful you don't want to be accused of making literal threats.
I would break up with her immediately and see how she replies but you certainly don't want to be a a relationship with her at this point. Break up over text to help keep your emotions in check. Please know I am in no way judging your emotional state..... we'd all feel the same.
Then think about her situation. Her new 'friends'. Do you think this is a decision she is actually is making of her own free will or is she being coerced? The reason I am actually asking that is (not that I know personally!) high end escorts would be getting A LOT more than £50 per trick. So this makes me think perhaps there is someone else driving this and looking for quantity visits versus 'quality' visits. Whereas my first impression was leave her and don't look back I have to be concerned that she's mixed up in more than she was bargaining for. But, there again, there are women who chose to earn money this way. I have heard that one of the tactics (probably the most common one actually)is to friend the victim initially and gain their trust then slowly take their freedom away. They also get girls addicted to drugs the traffickers are the ones supplying the drugs so the girls keep going back.I just looked online and there are resources for reporting suspected sex trafficking in the UK. If you feel it is right I'd look up some information and maybe contact some of the resources and tell them what you have written here. Your gf(ex) may be in over her head in this situation certainly no one on the TSR can give adequate advice on this.
Here are some things I found that may apply and should be considered:
Recruiters located in home countries frequently require such large recruitment and travel fees that victims become highly indebted to the recruiters and traffickers. These fees are inflated far beyond cost in order to create economic instability and dependency on the new employer or trafficker. Traffickers leverage the non-portability of many work visas as well as the lack of familiarity with surroundings, laws and rights, language fluency, and cultural understanding in order to control and manipulate victims.
(don't know your gf's history) Not having many friends..... did she come from an abusive background in Poland? Not having a lot of emotional support (yes, you have been there for her)
Individuals who have experienced violence and trauma in the past are more vulnerable to future exploitation, as the psychological effect of trauma is often long-lasting and challenging to overcome. Victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, war and conflict or social discrimination may be targeted by traffickers, who recognize the vulnerabilities left by these prior abuses. Violence and abuse may be normalized or beliefs of shame or unworthiness lead to future susceptibility to human trafficking.
Best of luck to you and do know that you haven't contributed in anyway to this happening.
Please keep us updated.
(edited 6 years ago)
What a disgusting creature,,,, MOVE ON!!!!!
Original post by Forestieri
I have a massive urge to out her on fb so that everybody knows how despicable she is...but I don't know if I would get in trouble for that.
I'm in a nightmare.
I'm in a nightmare.
I wouldn't advise it, although completely understand why you'd want to. You probably would get in trouble for it, but imo no one should blame you for it if you were to do that.
Before you do anything just talk to her, try not to do so angrily, but calmly confront her about the situation, hopefully she will be honest and willing to speak.
I imagine how you feel, the anger and disappointment. But I wonder: did she completely change her personality of was she hiding this part of her personality for the last 3 years? Anyway she is not the right person for you
Personally, i'd block her and cease all contact with her immediately.
She doesn't deserve even a break up text.
She doesn't deserve even a break up text.
I'm sorry that you're going through this! You have to end it! Like another user said, she doesn't deserve a face to face breakup. Screenshot her escorting profile and send it to her and say 'it's over'. That's it. I know this may be hard but literally do not answer any of her calls or texts or if she asks to meet. She literally go insane because you could leak her **** online. That fear will eat her up inside.
Original post by mmiah08
I'm sorry that you're going through this! You have to end it! Like another user said, she doesn't deserve a face to face breakup. Screenshot her escorting profile and send it to her and say 'it's over'. That's it. I know this may be hard but literally do not answer any of her calls or texts or if she asks to meet. She literally go insane because you could leak her **** online. That fear will eat her up inside.
Actually don't even say 'it's over', just send her a screenshot of her profile then don't reply.
I know I should break up with her immediately but I'm so intimidated by that. This is the girl that I have devoted my past 3 years to, the only love I have ever had. I am so deeply attached to her, we were supposed to get married and have kids, be moving into our own place within the next couple of months.
I am also extemely worried that I can't take this damage. I am absolutely broke atm until I get my loan next month, and all I do is sit in my room. I don't have a social life at uni and nobody anywhere near me who I can speak to or distract myself with.
Never have I seriously considered ending it all before. All I see ahead now is pain and misery. There is no way I can just forget about her. I can't exist knowing that the love of my life is out there somewhere being used and what not. ****, right this moment there could be some perverted creep using her like a sex object for his own gratification. I need some serious help but I don't know if my uni mental health team etc will have the ability to help me through this.
I am also extemely worried that I can't take this damage. I am absolutely broke atm until I get my loan next month, and all I do is sit in my room. I don't have a social life at uni and nobody anywhere near me who I can speak to or distract myself with.
Never have I seriously considered ending it all before. All I see ahead now is pain and misery. There is no way I can just forget about her. I can't exist knowing that the love of my life is out there somewhere being used and what not. ****, right this moment there could be some perverted creep using her like a sex object for his own gratification. I need some serious help but I don't know if my uni mental health team etc will have the ability to help me through this.
oh my goodness this is heartbreaking to read! i am truly sorry for whats happened, if i were you id call up your family or a close friend and get some support. shes literally going to regret this and ik its going to be hard but you WILL NOT think about death or ending it all. its not the right way to get closure and it will only cause grief to your family. try going to mental health team or the doctors or even the gym just get out and focus on something other than that tramp.and also be petty af and slam her pic on fb or do something to show how awful she is to the world. again im deeply sorry for whats happened
Original post by mmiah08
Actually don't even say 'it's over', just send her a screenshot of her profile then don't reply.
I really want to out her to everyone we know and I've written a message saying exactly wha I think of her...But I don't know if I can bring myself
to do it. If I do, then there is absolutely no way back, and I suppose I still have a faint hope that she will return and be herself again and we can move on.
You can find help online:
-www.samaritans.org.uk offer help online for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair
and they also have a free 24hour phone helpline (phone 116 123)
- www.relate.org.uk also have an online helpline and they specialize in relationships.
Find support, you can overcome this.
-www.samaritans.org.uk offer help online for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair
and they also have a free 24hour phone helpline (phone 116 123)
- www.relate.org.uk also have an online helpline and they specialize in relationships.
Find support, you can overcome this.
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