Clubbing in a relationship! Help!

I used to be a professional Latin dancer and am from a country where, what England would consider, “sensual dancing” is completely normal and just fun. The other night I was dancing close to some guys but I really don’t see it as a big deal because as soon as I get a wrong impression (e.g. they want to buy me a drink or try to touch me up) I walk away and say I have a boyfriend. I’ve been in a 2 and a half year relationship and my boyfriend never wants to go clubbing because he’s not really a dancing type but I do think he’d take my dancing the wrong way. I am really happy in a relationship and don’t even go clubbing often at all but whenever I come back he quizzes me about how I was dancing. I always ask my friends to intrude if something looks bad but they always say I’m doing nothing wrong. Am I in the wrong? I’d it just a cultural difference? Should I not dance when I go out? Just looking for some other opinions :smile:

Reply 1

Fk90709

3

If your aware of the ‘sensual dancing’ i think you should re-think why your boyfriend might be upset or stressed about it. There are dancing clubs for this if you want to practice it so much, but thats just an idea I would leave behind to you. Teach your boyfriend some basics so he can dance along. Maybe it could steam up the relationship further. What men expect from dancing is totally different to what woman can expect and thats why you shouldn’t be dancing with other men in my opinion.

Reply 2

ANM775

20

Original post by Anonymous

I used to be a professional Latin dancer and am from a country where, what England would consider, “sensual dancing” is completely normal and just fun. The other night I was dancing close to some guys but I really don’t see it as a big deal because as soon as I get a wrong impression (e.g. they want to buy me a drink or try to touch me up) I walk away and say I have a boyfriend. I’ve been in a 2 and a half year relationship and my boyfriend never wants to go clubbing because he’s not really a dancing type but I do think he’d take my dancing the wrong way. I am really happy in a relationship and don’t even go clubbing often at all but whenever I come back he quizzes me about how I was dancing. I always ask my friends to intrude if something looks bad but they always say I’m doing nothing wrong. Am I in the wrong? I’d it just a cultural difference? Should I not dance when I go out? Just looking for some other opinions :smile:

unless you're actually attending dancing classes you shouldn't really be dancing with guys like that imo

call it cultural differences but most people here in monogamous relationships would consider that a bit too full on......

Reply 3

Trinculo

21

No-one has to adapt to the norms of a new place - but the consequences of not doing so are that things might not work out for you.

If dancing in a particular way is normal and meaningless in your home country, but blatant flirting in this one - and you're (now) aware of this - that's not a problem for this country or the people in it - it's a problem for you. If your boyfriend doesn't like dancing or going out - that's an issue for the two of you to deal with. Maybe he has interests that you're not into - or maybe it's better that you just do your own things.

Reply 4

doodle_333

19

Original post by Trinculo

No-one has to adapt to the norms of a new place - but the consequences of not doing so are that things might not work out for you.

If dancing in a particular way is normal and meaningless in your home country, but blatant flirting in this one - and you're (now) aware of this - that's not a problem for this country or the people in it - it's a problem for you. If your boyfriend doesn't like dancing or going out - that's an issue for the two of you to deal with. Maybe he has interests that you're not into - or maybe it's better that you just do your own things.

this ^^

If you know your boyfriend would be upset and he wouldn't be considered unreasonable in society then I think you know the answer. IMO men and women in relationships shouldn't dance as a couple - a mixed gender group dancing together is fine but 1-1 is not appropriate, any rubbing/touching would be really crossing a line.

Reply 5

Feastful

16

1. Dancing with each other is a major way that people begin flirting with each other when clubbing (and while a lot of people go out clubbing to have fun, a lot of people in the club will also be looking to hook up with other people). So it's not just that you don't want to invoke the jealousy and insecurities of your boyfriend, unless you want to send out signals that you are possibly up looking for a guy, then you really shouldn't dance with any other guys while out clubbing (and this is easier said that done to avoid, because lots of guys will want to move in on a good looking woman dancing in a sexy way; you could end up spending the whole night trying to fight off random guys attempts to get closer to you!).

2. Just get your guy on the dance floor. Ply him with a few drinks if he has any nerves. Relationships are about give and take (and he needs to put some effort into getting onto the dance floor!).

3. There are also venues out there other than nightclubs where you can get into dancing, check 'em out.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 6

applesforme

15

dancing is sexual. feel bad for your boyfriend.

Clubbing in a relationship! Help!

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