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Pakistani friends and arranged marriage

So I have 2 mates which I'm certain like each other but don't want to say it to each other. They've told me separately they do. But the girl is having arrangements to get set up by her family... What can I do as there friend to help them?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Do you know someone in either of their families who'd be able to do something? (parents, aunts/uncles, siblings (preferably older)). If you don't know them as yet, would it be possible to get in touch with someone who could do something?

Are you Pakistani yourself?
Tell them to grow some balls
Just watch the show.
Reply 4
Avatar for Bham369
Bham369
18
Original post by Anonymous
So I have 2 mates which I'm certain like each other but don't want to say it to each other. They've told me separately they do. But the girl is having arrangements to get set up by her family... What can I do as there friend to help them?
Any advice would be appreciated.


Honestly if she is happy to marry the guy her parents choose then let her. Respect their choice to not say and don't say anything. If her family is strict there could be serious consequences for her.
Reply 5
Avatar for Trapz99
Trapz99
21
Best to just stay out of it lol, if the person wants to marry the person their parents chose then let them.
tell your friend's parents that she likes someone and tell her mum to talk to her daughter about it
Original post by hm98
tell your friend's parents that she likes someone and tell her mum to talk to her daughter about it


That's a big risk
Original post by MrsMars
That's a big risk


Yes but if it’s meant to be then we’ll find out
Reply 9
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by MrsMars
Do you know someone in either of their families who'd be able to do something? (parents, aunts/uncles, siblings (preferably older)). If you don't know them as yet, would it be possible to get in touch with someone who could do something?

Are you Pakistani yourself?


No I'm not Pakistani myself but I'might trying to be understanding. As a Muslim I can understand the benefits of an arranged marriage.
I know the families but I don't want to cause trouble or be that person that ruined things. But they don't know they both like each other so maybe I could get them to realise this.
Original post by hm98
Yes but if it’s meant to be then we’ll find out


No - for many Pakistani girls the risk isn't worth the "if it's meant to be" trope.
That's a dangerous mindset coming from someone who doesn't know first hand what it's like to be a muslim Pakistani girl of marriageable age.

Original post by Anonymous
No I'm not Pakistani myself but I'might trying to be understanding. As a Muslim I can understand the benefits of an arranged marriage.
I know the families but I don't want to cause trouble or be that person that ruined things. But they don't know they both like each other so maybe I could get them to realise this.


You know the families of both the boy and the girl?
This might be long for you and not worth the hassle, but in order for me to be able to give you decent adivce (that's not risky), I need to know what you know about the families and their thoughts etc
Original post by MrsMars
You know the families of both the boy and the girl?
This might be long for you and not worth the hassle, but in order for me to be able to give you decent adivce (that's not risky), I need to know what you know about the families and their thoughts etc


I am a 20yr old Muslim Pakistani girl, the truth is the best option and if they don’t agree then that’s their problem, if you know he’s a good person and follows religion then when you are old enough you should make that decision
Original post by hm98
I am a 20yr old Muslim Pakistani girl, the truth is the best option and if they don’t agree then that’s their problem, if you know he’s a good person and follows religion then when you are old enough you should make that decision


My apologies - it really seemed like you didn't know.

The truth may be the best option, but we know nothing about either families thought processes re this type of issue - it's a huge risk to tell the girls parents she likes someone else, and quite frankly, that kind of direct approach may cause the parent(s) to become averse to the possibility of their child marrying someone of their choice.
Original post by MrsMars
My apologies - it really seemed like you didn't know.

The truth may be the best option, but we know nothing about either families thought processes re this type of issue - it's a huge risk to tell the girls parents she likes someone else, and quite frankly, that kind of direct approach may cause the parent(s) to become averse to the possibility of their child marrying someone of their choice.


it's okay :smile: yeh I guess, I just don't like the idea that you can't marry who you want just because your parents say so lol, but hey, who knows how this guy she likes is!
Original post by hm98
it's okay :smile: yeh I guess, I just don't like the idea that you can't marry who you want just because your parents say so lol, but hey, who knows how this guy she likes is!


Honestly, I totally agree with you.
I HATE the control Pakistani parents excessive over their children's (prospective) spouses, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen :erm: and that's why we still need to consider it when giving advice on someone else's situation.

I know from my own experiences, the above approach would send my parents in the other direction :rofl: Just the way it is I suppose :dontknow:
Original post by MrsMars
Honestly, I totally agree with you.
I HATE the control Pakistani parents excessive over their children's (prospective) spouses, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen :erm: and that's why we still need to consider it when giving advice on someone else's situation.

I know from my own experiences, the above approach would send my parents in the other direction :rofl: Just the way it is I suppose :dontknow:


yeh, their strictness is on another level! & the culture is corrupt
Original post by hm98
yeh, their strictness is on another level! & the culture is corrupt


Desi culture makes my blood boil on an hourly basis to be quite honest with you :rofl:
Original post by Anonymous
No I'm not Pakistani myself but I'might trying to be understanding. As a Muslim I can understand the benefits of an arranged marriage.
I know the families but I don't want to cause trouble or be that person that ruined things. But they don't know they both like each other so maybe I could get them to realise this.



benefits of an arranged marriage: sex
negatives: loveless, emotional abuse.

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