Taken men

Oh so now I’m psychopath? Lol I think a bit of a exaggeration

And whys that a certain ‘when’

The girl has no commitment to the girlfriend. The girl isn’t cheating on anyone, she hasn’t broken any promises by sleeping with a taken man. It is his choice to put his d*ck in someone else, his broken promise and his fault for cheating. Who he cheated with, how many girls he cheated with, doesn’t matter because the girl(s) aren’t breaking anything. It’s morally wrong but the act of cheating and demise of a relationship isn’t their fault.

It is a much easier way to deal with being cheated on though, pretending there’s some evil seductress who tainted a loving boyfriend who is so sorry and promised not to do it again (with his fingers crossed behind his back).

You can't really make blanket statements for something which is very complex, and context dependant. The immorality with respect to the third party's engagement in the affair (if you pardon the pun) depends on the intention (mens rea) of the third party.

In my experience, a lot of cheating situations occur where all parties (i.e., the couple and the 'third wheel' - man or woman) all know and have some form of relationship to one another. For example, when a 'friend' of yours serially sleeps with your partner. Where a 'friend' does sleep with your partner, they have broken the boundary of a relationship between you and them.

In more extreme cases, such as a personal experience of mine, when your 'friends' cheat with your partner and then actively use that to belittle you, sending you pictures and videos of the ordeal, the intention is to cause another emotional turmoil and pain. This is an extreme case, although it highlights the importance to consider the situation's context in conjunction with the intention of all parties involved in the ordeal.

Though even if it was the girlfriends best friend, I wouldn’t say that the best friend was responsible for the boyfriend cheating. He made the decision to break the trust in his relationship, and that’s 100% on his shoulders. The friend is responsible for breaking her relationship with her friend, but not her friend’s relationship with her boyfriend imo.

Not responsible, no. But party to it, obviously. We're not talking about diminished responsibility for the person within the relationship who chooses to cheat - they are responsible for their actions. But, when you sleep with someone who is partnered you ARE an active party in an action which has a large potential to cause emotional turmoil and distress to someone else. Just because you believe that the person cheating with you would do it anyway, with you or someone else, does not make it moral.

By sleeping with someone else's partner knowingly, you are actively participating in an action which you know is highly likely to hurt someone badly emotionally, effect their self-confidence and potentially humiliate them. I'd personally say that is far from a moral way to behave. But, regardless of whether or not you believe the act to be moral / immoral, you should at least have the decency to identify this and to acknowledge your actions could do emotional harm to another human being, regardless of whether they are deserving or not.

Not responsible, no. But party to it, obviously. We're not talking about diminished responsibility for the person within the relationship who chooses to cheat - they are responsible for their actions. But, when you sleep with someone who is partnered you ARE an active party in an action which has a large potential to cause emotional turmoil and distress to someone else. Just because you believe that the person cheating with you would do it anyway, with you or someone else, does not make it moral.

By sleeping with someone else's partner knowingly, you are actively participating in an action which you know is highly likely to hurt someone badly emotionally, effect their self-confidence and potentially humiliate them. I'd personally say that is far from a moral way to behave. But, regardless of whether or not you believe the act to be moral / immoral, you should at least have the decency to identify this and to acknowledge your actions could do emotional harm to another human being, regardless of whether they are deserving or not.

I’ve stated a few times that it’s immoral to engage with someone who’s taken, that was never questioned. I just disagree that the “blame” lands on the person the boyfriend cheated with.

No one forced them to cheat, no one hypnotised them into cheating against their will. The responsibility for cheating is on the shoulders of the person that chose to cheat on their partner, 100%. If you have another opinion that’s fine, but I’m sticking to my guns.

Damn right. Of course it involves both parties, the girl the guy is cheating with knows what’s going on and if she had an ounce of decency, wouldn’t continue. It’s pure selfishness to continue a relationship with a taken guy, and clearly it means the guy is a loaf of s***

I just realised I meant load not loaf 😑

Good effort, haha.

I'm not saying that you haven't mentioned it's immoral, nor did I accuse you of saying otherwise. I was merely re-iterating that particular point, so as to ensure that my opinion-based point is perceived as well-balanced if reviewed in isolation to any of my previous posts. You're not under attack from me, I am trying to engage in a discussion with you.

And actually, if you re-read my comment, you'll see that I totally agree with you on the matter of responsibility for a partnered individual who cheats: 'We're not talking about diminished responsibility for the person within the relationship who chooses to cheat - they are responsible for their actions.'

My comment was expanding on that line of thought, pointing out to the OP that if you are an active party to cheating, you are undertaking an action that you know has a very high potential to hurt somebody badly emotionally (whether this result is your intention or not).

Cheating is 100% to blame on the cheater, not the person they cheat with. The girlfriend and the ‘mistress’ are both getting messed about, as the cheat will never choose just one of them. It’s easy to listen to a guys stories about how evil his girlfriend is, how she’s ruining his life and you’re the only thing that makes him happy. Its easy to see her as the bad one, who he’s only with until the lease is out/they finish uni/ they go to that family wedding/ the kid is old enough to understand and then you can be together. She becomes the wicked witch and you’re the princess in the tower he sneaks off to see at night. You don’t always see that she’s actually the queen and he’s feeding both of you lies.

Morally, dating someone in a relationship is wrong. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means that you need to think about why you’re only someones secret side piece and not their girlfriend. The fault isn’t with you, it’s scummy people who want to have their cake and eat it too. Find someone who only needs you.

Can never reconcile this point of view. You would still be one of the parties responsible for destroying a relationship/ marriage. Part of that is 100 % your choice.

I don’t think I worded what I was trying to say right, I had half the conversation in my head before I started writing! I was meaning specifically the blame for someone cheating, when people go after the “other woman” instead of the partner who chose to cheat.

I don’t condone getting involved with someone in a relationship, but I do empathise with people who made bad choices in love. What OP said about starting to see someone and finding out they’re in a relationship when you’re already in deep, it’s understandable. When they use excuses like “i’m going to break up with her, I just have to wait for XYZ” it’s easy to accept the lie that makes it feel okay rather than to stop and say no, this person who I have feelings for is scum.

Playing devil’s advocate, I just think it’s not such a black and white situation. When feelings are involved we don’t always think with our sensible heads and consider how our actions effect others.