The Student Room Group
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>

I fear that I will be rejected for my sexuality

My dad said a few hours ago that he believes that any gay behaviour is immoral and that people should never be in same-sex relationships.

Being gay myself, I felt as if I was being rejected by him and fear that he won't accept me when I come out.

What should I do?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
I want to be accepted for who I am. I don't want to hide who I truly am for all of my life. What I want to do is to leave school, go to university, get my dream job, fall in love, get married and the rest can go from there. I really think that my parents (especially my dad) won't accept me when I come out, and it really upsets me. I'm really unsure of what to do next.
I'd keep it from your dad. if he finds out, he will initially want to reject you but it will take time for him to come round and accept you. prob easier to stay in the closet to your parents, you can still come out to your friends. i know thats not a popular opinion.
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 3
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by CollectiveSoul
I'd keep it from your dad. if he finds out, he will initially want to reject you but it will take time for him to come round and accept you. prob easier to stay in the closet to your parents. i know thats not a popular opinion.


I plan to stay closeted in the interim, but I can't pretend to be straight for my whole life. A good idea would be to move out for university and take it from there.
Original post by Anonymous
I plan to stay closeted in the interim, but I can't pretend to be straight for my whole life. A good idea would be to move out for university and take it from there.


yeah my advice would be to come out to your friends but not to your parents if you can help it. if it will upset your dad it will upset him, he has emotions too he can't control, doesnt make him evil.
Reply 5
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by CollectiveSoul
yeah my advice would be to come out to your friends but not to your parents if you can help it. if it will upset your dad it will upset him, he has emotions too he can't control, doesnt make him evil.


I've came out to 1 person, who isn't really a "friend" and doesn't care. Haven't got anyone else.

Should I ever come out to my dad?
Original post by Anonymous
My dad said a few hours ago that he believes that any gay behaviour is immoral and that people should never be in same-sex relationships.

Being gay myself, I felt as if I was being rejected by him and fear that he won't accept me when I come out.

What should I do?


Agree completely with your dad's view, I think just as I wouldn't enforce it, no one would given laws in the country allowing same sex marriage, I think his reaction would be sheer disappointment if anything then again with time these feelings would lighten. All the best
Reply 7
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by adamantacademic
Agree completely with your dad's view, I think just as I wouldn't enforce it, no one would given laws in the country allowing same sex marriage, I think his reaction would be sheer disappointment if anything then again with time these feelings would lighten. All the best


What? Should us gay people just pretend to be straight or remain celibate for their whole life?
Reply 8
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Another issue would be if I got a boyfriend and they didn't accept him.

Further, what if I was to get married? It would hurt me terribly if they didn't attend my wedding.
Reply 9
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by adamantacademic
I thought this thread is about confronting your dad


It is, yes. I just think that as a gay person, I should have the same rights as straight people and not have to hide who I am for all of my life.
Hi, bisexual person here. I think you're blowing things way out of proportion. My parents too are extremely anti-gay, but if you can say that they genuinely love you, then you have nothing to worry about; coming out to your Dad will be a breeze. If your Dad, however, doesn't love you, then this is less a problem about coming out and more about surrounding yourself with toxic people. If you genuinely don't think his parental love for you would override any sort of hatred of gays, then wait until you can move out, do it, and move on with your life.
Original post by Anonymous
It is, yes. I just think that as a gay person, I should have the same rights as straight people and not have to hide who I am for all of my life.


Fair enough, in a secular non-religious society, what's there to say?
I just think it's morally wrong, just as incest is since God says so, that's really my standpoint.

Also I do not believe people are born gay rather homosexual inclinations are a result of contextual factors.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Andyboi
Hi, bisexual person here. I think you're blowing things way out of proportion. My parents too are extremely anti-gay, but if you can say that they genuinely love you, then you have nothing to worry about; coming out to your Dad will be a breeze. If your Dad, however, doesn't love you, then this is less a problem about coming out and more about surrounding yourself with toxic people. If you genuinely don't think his parental love for you would override any sort of hatred of gays, then wait until you can move out, do it, and move on with your life.


Sorry, I've been out for a little bit and only just saw your post.

I am closer with my mother than my father. I am never really that happy when he comes home after work and often feel a bit intimidated by him. I can't put my finger on what the issue is, but I do struggle to form a strong relationship with him.

I still get the feeling that he wouldn't accept me for being gay. I always feel like a disappointment to him and being gay would make things worse. I think that could seriously break it for us.
ask him hypothetically what would happen if he found out that one of his kids was gay
Reply 14
Avatar for bossun
bossun
12
Just wait, start coming out to your friends first. Build your confidence up. People usually come out to their families last. There are a lot of inspirational coming out Youtube Videos from guys like yourself. Check them out ; it'll help. :yes:

Original post by Anonymous
It is, yes. I just think that as a gay person, I should have the same rights as straight people and not have to hide who I am for all of my life.


I dont think it is a right to be accepted by people, I didnt get invited to a party because it was for """""cool"""""" people, I dont call human rights abuse, but I do wish the best of luck for you
Original post by AperfectBalance
I dont think it is a right to be accepted by people, I didnt get invited to a party because it was for """""cool"""""" people, I dont call human rights abuse, but I do wish the best of luck for you


The rights I am talking about are the right be married and other things which gay people haven't always had the right to do.
Original post by bossun
Just wait, start coming out to your friends first. Build your confidence up. People usually come out to their families last. There are a lot of inspirational coming out Youtube Videos from guys like yourself. Check them out ; it'll help. :yes:



Seen a lot of coming out videos on YouTube. Getting to watch videos from gay people means the world to me and I don't know what I would do without them.

I haven't got friends to talk to about it. The one guy that I told really couldn't care less and I don't like him much anyway, so can't talk to him about it.

It is just such a struggle having the feeling that my father would reject me and that I wouldn't be supported when I get come out, have a boyfriend, get married etc. I saw a video of a gay wedding on YouTube a few days ago and both sets of parents were there. It made me feel a bit upset knowing that my parents wouldn't come to mine (they are Catholic).
Reply 18
Avatar for Bio 7
Bio 7
21
Original post by Anonymous
Seen a lot of coming out videos on YouTube. Getting to watch videos from gay people means the world to me and I don't know what I would do without them.

I haven't got friends to talk to about it. The one guy that I told really couldn't care less and I don't like him much anyway, so can't talk to him about it.

It is just such a struggle having the feeling that my father would reject me and that I wouldn't be supported when I get come out, have a boyfriend, get married etc. I saw a video of a gay wedding on YouTube a few days ago and both sets of parents were there. It made me feel a bit upset knowing that my parents wouldn't come to mine (they are Catholic).


You might get surprised. There is no way to know if they will accept you or not unless you tell them, so as other have suggested, tell them once you move out.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by Bio 7
You might get surprised. There is no way to know if they will accept you or not unless you tell them, so as other have suggested, tell them once you move out.


Not sure with my mother. She is a strong Catholic, but she does love me and I do feel that she would come around.
I know that my father won't be good with it. He's made far too many anti-gay remarks. When I do come out to him, I will certainly be confronting him about everything that he has said.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you