reaching out to ex who ghosted you

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for a few months. We were still in the honeymoon phase e.g. no arguments, going out all the time, everything was perfect. One night we had an argument (which I thought was resolved), only for him to ghost me after that and never speak to me again. I was heartbroken. He was ignoring all my calls, texts etc. He'd read the texts and not reply, and he kept me on all social media and didn't even block me despite how many times I called out of concern.

A month ago, I sent him a RANT of texts (not proud!) telling him his behaviour was disgusting and inexcusable, that I deserved an explanation at least and I respected him more than this. It was quite a mature rant, no swearing or curse words. Sometimes I feel like texting him and just apologizing for what I said, how I don't want to hold a grudge and the guilt ate away at me, so I'm apologizing now bc better late than never.

Is this a stupid move, or appropriate?

I'm assuming by reaching out to him you're deep down hoping he'll reconsider and think about taking you back? If so then I think you need to forget about him and move on. You've said your piece and if it was the truth then good, he needed to hear it. He was too much of a coward to break up with you in real life and discuss things like a mature adult. You don't need to apologise, it's him who should be reaching out to you. He doesn't deserve any more texts or wasted time. You texting again is going to make you look a bit pathetic and like you've been thinking about it constantly. The best way is to go no contact with him just like he is with you.

I was avoiding getting into it because I don't want to sway opinions in either direction. Basically, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't ready to have sex yet which he was aware about. He decided to force himself on me anyway despite me saying stop repeatedly. At that point, I got emotional because he wasn't backing off and I thought he was going to rape me. I stood up to him and asked him exactly what he was playing at, if he was going to do it anyway, despite my refusal.

Then, he got more angry and said I was pissing him off. So not sure if he's too embarrassed to speak to me because he realizes he nearly raped me, or if he's just angry at me for saying no, I don't know at all because he won't speak.

What is ghosted?

I was avoiding getting into it because I don't want to sway opinions in either direction. Basically, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't ready to have sex yet which he was aware about. He decided to force himself on me anyway despite me saying stop repeatedly. At that point, I got emotional because he wasn't backing off and I thought he was going to rape me. I stood up to him and asked him exactly what he was playing at, if he was going to do it anyway, despite my refusal.

Then, he got more angry and said I was pissing him off. So not sure if he's too embarrassed to speak to me because he realizes he nearly raped me, or if he's just angry at me for saying no, I don't know at all because he won't speak.

Yeah that's exactly what it is. I go through phases of thinking good riddance, I don't need someone who is incapable of having a mature, adult conversation. Then there are other days like today where I just miss seeing him and hearing his voice, and think I'd do anything just to go back to the way we were. I will continue to maintain no contact. It's just his mind games have taken an toll on me emotionally, I still do think about it a lot and have to always distract myself, and hope one day I might care less.

Whilst I get that you didn't want to have sex with him, you basically suggested he was going to be a rapist. Now, for a lot of guys thats off putting and also doesn't scream trust. Whilst i don't know you well, you could be the type of person that has sex, regrets it and calls rape. Why would anyone jeopardise their life for that? So he probably wanted to rid himself of you, which is harsh but also fair on his part. Equally, if you didn't want to have sex it's your right and you should find another guy. Stop living in the past and move on. It is likely that both parties are in the wrong and messaging someone who wants nothing to do with you is childish. A lot of guys find rants immature, it certainly annoys me. Good luck.

I feel like this is one of those threads where you can say "no do not do it" in almost all circumstances based on the title alone. Having read the OP anyway, my opinion hasn't changed.

Block him and leave well alone.



When somebody pulls a full on disappearing act (not replying to messages etc) without ever explicitly telling you to **** off.

OP told me already

I was avoiding getting into it because I don't want to sway opinions in either direction. Basically, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't ready to have sex yet which he was aware about. He decided to force himself on me anyway despite me saying stop repeatedly. At that point, I got emotional because he wasn't backing off and I thought he was going to rape me. I stood up to him and asked him exactly what he was playing at, if he was going to do it anyway, despite my refusal.

Then, he got more angry and said I was pissing him off. So not sure if he's too embarrassed to speak to me because he realizes he nearly raped me, or if he's just angry at me for saying no, I don't know at all because he won't speak.

This is vile behaviour from him and he is trying to punish you emotionally for setting your boundaries in this situation.

Please stay away. No decent person would treat someone like this. Don't apologise. You have nothing to apologise for. You were not overreacting. Trying to force yourself on someone who is asking you to stop is NEVER okay. It is assault. Don't listen to what certain apologists on this thread are telling you.

Thank you for your support. After reading the responses from this thread, I've of course decided to continue my no contact, and I'm not going to message him. It's just been so hard to deal with it because on one side I'm dealing with his assault and his reaction to it.. which was heartless, then I'm dealing with the emotional repercussions of him ghosting too. It trapped me in a vicious cycle of wanting him back, then not wanting him back. I just want to get him out of my head already.

Please cut this guy out of your life.

From everything you've said, my guess is that he's trying to manipulate you by ignoring you(i.e. guilt-trip you) meaning he won't be ghosting for very much longer...At some point the scum will show himself again in the hopes of reaping the rewards (and from the level of anxiety you've displayed in this thread, he's done a pretty good job).

I mean this in the nicest possible way,get some help for the heartbreak but please don't ever speak to this weirdo ever again (Unless you have to testify in against him in Court at some point in the future...i don't know this guy's boundaries)

There's really no reason to ghost unless you are a) scared of the other person, b) a manipulative get.

He is clearly, obviously, lit-up-in-neon, the latter of the two.

I understand it must be dead hard, but just bin the ****er off.