Typical Asian mother
I'm Pakistani and 21 years old. Live at home with the beloved ****ing parents. Mum hates my dad's side of the family to pieces because of their degrading treatment towards her. I won't go into detail because I'll be here all day.
with this she's like "woe is me" "everything's bad in my life" "I do too much" - the thing is my dad is an absolute numpty aswell. He works yes. But contributes nothing to the household chores which angers her even more.
Then out of this anger she takes it out on me. I don't help her with household chores cos I simply cba. Why should I? The chores that she does is usually running after her other 3 kids!! I'm not their child minder or their cleaner. I do my own chores though.
I've gained like 2 stone this past 6 months cos my young uncle died in an accident and grief is an unbearable pain. I turn to emotional eating ... and she keeps on nagging that i lose weight when I don't want to. Constantly picks me on me... can't bloody move out cos I'm my last year of my degree and due to start my PGCE in Sept---unpaid work!!!! I can't move out anyway cos of being Pakistani and Muslim. need to marry first - standard BS
Tbh my mum makes my thoughts poison. And I hate it. Im just ranting in this post cos I needed to say it.
I have depression and anxiety - which she doesn't know about - and honestly some days I want to kill myself. I want to go where my uncle is, far away from this BS.
with this she's like "woe is me" "everything's bad in my life" "I do too much" - the thing is my dad is an absolute numpty aswell. He works yes. But contributes nothing to the household chores which angers her even more.
Then out of this anger she takes it out on me. I don't help her with household chores cos I simply cba. Why should I? The chores that she does is usually running after her other 3 kids!! I'm not their child minder or their cleaner. I do my own chores though.
I've gained like 2 stone this past 6 months cos my young uncle died in an accident and grief is an unbearable pain. I turn to emotional eating ... and she keeps on nagging that i lose weight when I don't want to. Constantly picks me on me... can't bloody move out cos I'm my last year of my degree and due to start my PGCE in Sept---unpaid work!!!! I can't move out anyway cos of being Pakistani and Muslim. need to marry first - standard BS
Tbh my mum makes my thoughts poison. And I hate it. Im just ranting in this post cos I needed to say it.
I have depression and anxiety - which she doesn't know about - and honestly some days I want to kill myself. I want to go where my uncle is, far away from this BS.
Bump
Is this just a rant or are you looking for advice?
Original post by Anonymous
I'm Pakistani and 21 years old. Live at home with the beloved ****ing parents. Mum hates my dad's side of the family to pieces because of their degrading treatment towards her. I won't go into detail because I'll be here all day.
with this she's like "woe is me" "everything's bad in my life" "I do too much" - the thing is my dad is an absolute numpty aswell. He works yes. But contributes nothing to the household chores which angers her even more.
Then out of this anger she takes it out on me. I don't help her with household chores cos I simply cba. Why should I? The chores that she does is usually running after her other 3 kids!! I'm not their child minder or their cleaner. I do my own chores though.
I've gained like 2 stone this past 6 months cos my young uncle died in an accident and grief is an unbearable pain. I turn to emotional eating ... and she keeps on nagging that i lose weight when I don't want to. Constantly picks me on me... can't bloody move out cos I'm my last year of my degree and due to start my PGCE in Sept---unpaid work!!!! I can't move out anyway cos of being Pakistani and Muslim. need to marry first - standard BS
Tbh my mum makes my thoughts poison. And I hate it. Im just ranting in this post cos I needed to say it.
I have depression and anxiety - which she doesn't know about - and honestly some days I want to kill myself. I want to go where my uncle is, far away from this BS.
with this she's like "woe is me" "everything's bad in my life" "I do too much" - the thing is my dad is an absolute numpty aswell. He works yes. But contributes nothing to the household chores which angers her even more.
Then out of this anger she takes it out on me. I don't help her with household chores cos I simply cba. Why should I? The chores that she does is usually running after her other 3 kids!! I'm not their child minder or their cleaner. I do my own chores though.
I've gained like 2 stone this past 6 months cos my young uncle died in an accident and grief is an unbearable pain. I turn to emotional eating ... and she keeps on nagging that i lose weight when I don't want to. Constantly picks me on me... can't bloody move out cos I'm my last year of my degree and due to start my PGCE in Sept---unpaid work!!!! I can't move out anyway cos of being Pakistani and Muslim. need to marry first - standard BS
Tbh my mum makes my thoughts poison. And I hate it. Im just ranting in this post cos I needed to say it.
I have depression and anxiety - which she doesn't know about - and honestly some days I want to kill myself. I want to go where my uncle is, far away from this BS.
Be the stronger person and celebrate your uncle's life, I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be in pain. Everybody goes through something or the other, some worse than others. You're in a bad situation and you want to win. You don't want to lose to the BS because that's a vicious circle that other will fall into as well and you want to be unique. If you're at university perhaps visit the places that will help you to relieve your pain and It's okay to rant x
Any advice will be appreciated
Original post by Anonymous
Any advice will be appreciated
You sure, you might not like it..?
yeah the most obvious one will be moving out for uni, lol that doesnt fix nothing. the pgce is unpaid and student finance wont cover anything. i have literally gotta wait till im bloody married! even marriage brings new problems, life is the problem, it cannot be solved until you are dead. even your own burial is an issue, a hole in a ground is expensive and the coffin lmao.
Original post by amzyrads
Be the stronger person and celebrate your uncle's life, I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be in pain. Everybody goes through something or the other, some worse than others. You're in a bad situation and you want to win. You don't want to lose to the BS because that's a vicious circle that other will fall into as well and you want to be unique. If you're at university perhaps visit the places that will help you to relieve your pain and It's okay to rant x
Thank you so much for this. I have gotten counselling from uni, a few sessions, all i did was cry and talk
i have been on antidepressants aswell but they made my mind slow... idk what to do anymore or who to be.So what would happen if you got a job as a teacher and moved out? What can they do? Send someone after you or something?
Sounds like a problem with both parents, not just the mother. Just make an agreed schedule to share all the 'household' chores including your father or the argument will never go away. It is not your mother's job either to be the cleaner, everyone has a share, that is what a family does - it is not just about sharing the good times. If they are her children and you don't consider them your siblings, I suppose only your Mom and Dad should do their chores, otherwise ask yourself who helped with your chores you at their age. Consider yourself lucky to have free accommodation at 21, it is not a legal requirement, if it is not free then you have a bigger stake in what goes on. I assume whoever's brother it was who died is also suffering - you should maybe organise grief counselling as grief can fester and degenerate into other problems including a breakdown. If it impacted you more than was reasonable, there may be other background reasons (eg children who were sexually abused are more likely to be affected by harassment etc). A second life (more your own) starts when you leave the psychology of your family and live freely in the real world so hang-on. Not sure waiting for marriage is a feasible or worthwhile wait, especially since you don't know when that 'best' person is going to turn up. I'd just use your first job as an excuse to move out - it is an important part of life to get new ideas, learn to be independent and see what you like and dislike, what you are capable of and what you need. Don't just exchange your mother/father for your wife/husband without proper healing of the situation..or it will recycle. Good Luck.
Original post by Jumping Badger
So what would happen if you got a job as a teacher and moved out? What can they do? Send someone after you or something?
the betrayal
Original post by Anonymous
Sounds like a problem with both parents, not just the mother. Just make an agreed schedule to share all the 'household' chores including your father or the argument will never go away. It is not your mother's job either to be the cleaner, everyone has a share, that is what a family does - it is not just about sharing the good times. If they are her children and you don't consider them your siblings, I suppose only your Mom and Dad should do their chores, otherwise ask yourself who helped with your chores you at their age. Consider yourself lucky to have free accommodation at 21, it is not a legal requirement, if it is not free then you have a bigger stake in what goes on. I assume whoever's brother it was who died is also suffering - you should maybe organise grief counselling as grief can fester and degenerate into other problems including a breakdown. If it impacted you more than was reasonable, there may be other background reasons (eg children who were sexually abused are more likely to be affected by harassment etc). A second life (more your own) starts when you leave the psychology of your family and live freely in the real world so hang-on. Not sure waiting for marriage is a feasible or worthwhile wait, especially since you don't know when that 'best' person is going to turn up. I'd just use your first job as an excuse to move out - it is an important part of life to get new ideas, learn to be independent and see what you like and dislike, what you are capable of and what you need. Don't just exchange your mother/father for your wife/husband without proper healing of the situation..or it will recycle. Good Luck.
They are my siblings but I am not the one who should run after them and look after them just because I am the eldest? they are old enough to participate in household chores but my mum just singles me out. I only live at home because I wasn't allowed to move out. Live in a tiny terraced house, where I have a tiny room. One toilet and bath between 6 people, it is insanity. My mental health wasnt great before my uncle died anyway, its brought about something so deep.. and yes he had 4 other brothers and 1 sister, who didn't give enough damn when he was alive anyway, and now he's gone and never coming back... a short-lived life similar to quality to life compared to mine.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much for this. I have gotten counselling from uni, a few sessions, all i did was cry and talk i have been on antidepressants aswell but they made my mind slow... idk what to do anymore or who to be.
i have been on antidepressants aswell but they made my mind slow... idk what to do anymore or who to be.Np but try not to take antidepressants they're not good for weight or mind. Have you tried to talk to anybody you're close to in you family like siblings or cousins? Or maybe true and speak to your parents and help them to understand what affect they're having on your well being. It's important for them to understand and it's also important that you don't bottle things up it really hurts trust xx
Original post by Anonymous
yeah the most obvious one will be moving out for uni, lol that doesnt fix nothing. the pgce is unpaid and student finance wont cover anything. i have literally gotta wait till im bloody married! even marriage brings new problems, life is the problem, it cannot be solved until you are dead. even your own burial is an issue, a hole in a ground is expensive and the coffin lmao.
With that attitude, life is a problem sure. I also have a problem with life.
That was not what I was going to say though. You want your parents to listen to you, you sweeten them up. Sincerely though. Heck, help her out with the chores, help her mind her children, who are your siblings at the end of the day. Build an awesome relationship with both, mother and siblings. Your father, I take he earns and your mother is the housewife? In which case, is it really fair that he's out 8 -10 hours working (which is not easy really) then has to come home and do chores on top of that?
Oh I understand the hate, suffocation, I'm Asian too. But until you at least try to mend things, give a helping hand, you've not much reason to complain. Elder siblings help out in a lot of cultures, not just in Asian.
With regards to the loss, death is one thing everyone agrees on. We will all eventually die, but the now is here and we live it and tey to make the most of it.
Also, it wouldn't hurt to sort yourself a financial standing. Get a job of you can. Socialise when you can. Be around, learn your parents and work with that. Don't work against it, work with it.
Hi there,
Although you may find your mum annoying, she is still your mother. I used to think the same as you and find my mum really annoying. What I think helps, is doing things without her asking. Like before she asks you to do the washing up/ hoovering/ any chores, do it in advance. Maybe avoid her for a little while, like a few days, so both of you can calm down a little.
However during this time, act like she would want you too. This will maybe make her grudge against you a little weaker, and she may start to appreciate you more.
It sounds like she is going through a hard time too, just like you, which is probably why she is angry. Maybe, if you feel brave enough, talk to her about her problems. It may feel weird for both of you, but I'm sure she will feel a lot better talking about it.
Just try as much as you can to work with her, rather than against her; this is always the best way- even though it may take a very long time.
About your anxiety and depression, I am very sorry. I hope you can get better, by slowly trying to appreciate yourself. Maybe take a long peaceful walk, so you can take some time to reflect on your life, and things you think you should work on. It will also allow you to forget your worries.
I hope all things turn out well,
All the best
Although you may find your mum annoying, she is still your mother. I used to think the same as you and find my mum really annoying. What I think helps, is doing things without her asking. Like before she asks you to do the washing up/ hoovering/ any chores, do it in advance. Maybe avoid her for a little while, like a few days, so both of you can calm down a little.
However during this time, act like she would want you too. This will maybe make her grudge against you a little weaker, and she may start to appreciate you more.
It sounds like she is going through a hard time too, just like you, which is probably why she is angry. Maybe, if you feel brave enough, talk to her about her problems. It may feel weird for both of you, but I'm sure she will feel a lot better talking about it.
Just try as much as you can to work with her, rather than against her; this is always the best way- even though it may take a very long time.
About your anxiety and depression, I am very sorry. I hope you can get better, by slowly trying to appreciate yourself. Maybe take a long peaceful walk, so you can take some time to reflect on your life, and things you think you should work on. It will also allow you to forget your worries.
I hope all things turn out well,
All the best
Then I'll have to "sweeten" her up for the rest of my life, she isn't tea to be sweetened up is she. Also yes he works full time. You know everyday he requires a fresh meal cooked after zuhr namaaz? Why can't he cook for himself. He doesn't a buy the ingredients to make it. The money he is earning is not going on us. He pays food shop with the tax credit. Why have 4 kids and make them live with you in a small house? Why have them at all? I have a younger sister, I don't want her to feel the way i feel whilst growing up. I do have a job but I don't get many hours. Looking for another atm
Original post by Anonymous
Then I'll have to "sweeten" her up for the rest of my life, she isn't tea to be sweetened up is she. Also yes he works full time. You know everyday he requires a fresh meal cooked after zuhr namaaz? Why can't he cook for himself. He doesn't a buy the ingredients to make it. The money he is earning is not going on us. He pays food shop with the tax credit. Why have 4 kids and make them live with you in a small house? Why have them at all? I have a younger sister, I don't want her to feel the way i feel whilst growing up. I do have a job but I don't get many hours. Looking for another atm
You never know until you try, even my gramps can be sweetened, and he's the type that has the most traditional views on women, 'belong in the kitchen, serve me, no intelligence'.
Face it, he's not going to cook for himself, but he pays for the ingredients no?
You cannot change someone else, you can only change yourself. So don't fixate on your father/mother/unfairness of life. For now, you have to make the best of what you've got until you're in aposition to do something about it e.g. move out etc.
Email me, trust me I can relate
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[email protected]
Original post by Anonymous
They are my siblings but I am not the one who should run after them and look after them just because I am the eldest? they are old enough to participate in household chores but my mum just singles me out. I only live at home because I wasn't allowed to move out. Live in a tiny terraced house, where I have a tiny room. One toilet and bath between 6 people, it is insanity. My mental health wasnt great before my uncle died anyway, its brought about something so deep.. and yes he had 4 other brothers and 1 sister, who didn't give enough damn when he was alive anyway, and now he's gone and never coming back... a short-lived life similar to quality to life compared to mine.
Same here, share a toilet and bath between 9 people . Crazy
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