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Why do boys keep messaging when you tell them you're not interested?

Honestly don't know how people have the shame.

When they ask me out I tell them I'm not looking for anything. I think it's quite reasonable considering it's final year of uni so I have bigger priorities. They'll then say stuff about us hanging out as friends and I have to shut it down again. With some I can do it within a day or two, others it can take a bit longer to get them to stop.

So far it's been alright, not too awkward bumping into them even though some of them do my course. But right now I have a "friend" on my course who asked me out a few days ago. I told him I'm not interested but he messages me every day. I find it awkward as well because he's an international student who seems inexperienced so it's even harder to give hints. I ignore his messages for as long as I can. But thing is I don't want any bad vibes between us.

Do guys think the girl is just going to change their mind once they see how nice you can be? I'm not going to change my mind for any of these guys because I'm simply not attracted to them but I feel it's harsh to say 'I don't find you attractive'.

How firm do you have to be? An example of my rejection:

'Hey, you seem great but if I'm honest I'm not really looking for anything right now. Thanks though'

Sometimes I don't include the 'right now' but I do think it sounds nicer.

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You answered your own question, within your question. To be specific, it's because you're dealing with boys and not men.
Original post by dropoutboogie
. They'll then say stuff about us hanging out as friends and I have to shut it down again. With some I can do it within a day or two, others it can take a bit longer to get them to stop.


some ppl just want a lady friend , what's wrong with that
Reply 3
Avatar for Cod3tte
Cod3tte
16
They say they're not interested, but are they?

If they keep messaging you they must be. By telling you they're not interested they simply want you to chase them :wink:
Reply 4
Avatar for UWS
UWS
21
All you need to say is that you're not interested in them and that you only see them as a friend. That should be the end of it, as the saying goes there's no getting out of the friend zone. Ignore them if they don't get the message.

"I have a boyfriend" -> They'll wait until you don't have one anymore
"I'm not looking for anything right now" -> They'll wait until they think you're ready
"I'm too busy" -> They'll wait until you're no longer busy
Original post by Mike Johnson
You answered your own question, within your question. To be specific, it's because you're dealing with boys and not men.


Some of these guys are 22. How long does it take?
One theory would be because these guys aren't that attractive, they're less experienced and a bit more desperate. But some of the guys are quite normal in other aspects so I'm not sure.
Original post by Cod3tte
They say they're not interested, but are they?

If they keep messaging you they must be. By telling you they're not interested they simply want you to chase them :wink:


Sorry maybe my OP was confusing. It's me telling them I'm not interested but they continue.
All you need to do is post picture of slavic superstar dodo0099 on your whatsapp
Original post by dropoutboogie
they're less experienced and a bit more desperate.


Dead giveaways
Reply 9
Avatar for Gatts
Gatts
16
Learn whatever the words for “Go **** yourself you creep” are in his language and send it to him.
Original post by UWS
All you need to say is that you're not interested in them and that you only see them as a friend. That should be the end of it, as the saying goes there's no getting out of the friend zone. Ignore them if they don't get the message.

"I have a boyfriend" -> They'll wait until you don't have one anymore
"I'm not looking for anything right now" -> They'll wait until they think you're ready
"I'm too busy" -> They'll wait until you're no longer busy


Thing is though, most of them aren't even friends they're people I don't really speak to so it's hard to use the 'I just see you as a friend'.
So I just say the thing about them seeming sound but how I'm not interested.
Original post by UWS
All you need to say is that you're not interested in them and that you only see them as a friend. That should be the end of it, as the saying goes there's no getting out of the friend zone. Ignore them if they don't get the message.

"I have a boyfriend" -> They'll wait until you don't have one anymore
"I'm not looking for anything right now" -> They'll wait until they think you're ready
"I'm too busy" -> They'll wait until you're no longer busy
This
Original post by Ray_Shadows
some ppl just want a lady friend , what's wrong with that


I can't be arsed with a load of new male friends otherwise I'd have time for a boyfriend as well. I also don't like have male friends who secretly like me. Makes things weird like they're always waiting and then they fall even harder. I've had that problem before which is why I want to get rid of them asap.
Original post by dropoutboogie
Sorry maybe my OP was confusing. It's me telling them I'm not interested but they continue.


Ohhh... I'm sorry I didn't read it properly.

They only message you because they are interested in you. Just don't bother messaging them back and block them if you have to, trust me it works every time. :wink:
Original post by dropoutboogie
I can't be arsed with a load of new male friends otherwise I'd have time for a boyfriend as well. I also don't like have male friends who secretly like me. Makes things weird like they're always waiting and then they fall even harder. I've had that problem before which is why I want to get rid of them asap.


let them down with a compliment or something
Original post by Cod3tte
Ohhh... I'm sorry I didn't read it properly.

They only message you because they are interested in you. Just don't bother messaging them back and block them if you have to, trust me it works every time. :wink:


Well yes I know why they're still messaging but I don't get why boys don't just accept the rejection and move onto another girl. Especially because these guys hardly know me so it's not like they're very invested.
With randomers it's easy to ignore but these guys are either good friends with my friends or they're on my course so I have to be polite.
Original post by Ray_Shadows
let them down with a compliment or something


I do. I tell them they seem great or whatever.
Compliment + rejection + thanks
Is how I do it.

But why isn't that enough.
Reject them and then ignore them - they will not pursue further unless you're dealing with a crazy person.
Original post by dropoutboogie
Well yes I know why they're still messaging but I don't get why boys don't just accept the rejection and move onto another girl. Especially because these guys hardly know me so it's not like they're very invested.
With randomers it's easy to ignore but these guys are either good friends with my friends or they're on my course so I have to be polite.


Ehhh, I see your struggle. Male pride. They simply cannot be told no because they think they're "it".
Original post by dropoutboogie
I do. I tell them they seem great or whatever.
Compliment + rejection + thanks
Is how I do it.

But why isn't that enough.


Mixed signals is why it doesn't work. Tell them no and put them on ignore mode.

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