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Friend frequently online but does not open my messages

I'll try to be concise with this one:

I've been friends with someone for a few months now (met through a university society), we've meet 'outside the society', but only in groups of people, not a 1-1 thing that you can do with really solid friendships. We obviously haven’t known each other for ages but we're well over the 'I don’t really know you' stage when you form a friendship. We have a snapchat streak going (which I interpret as them actually making a commitment to talk at least once a day), and the other day they suggested we meet up in the upcoming summer holidays to go skiing (as it’s a common interest of ours).

So far so good, BUT,

My messages get ignored. You can tell when someone has been online and how long ago on just about every form of social media. We mainly use snapchat, so I can see their snapscore go up and see when they were last online. They’re frequently online but my messages remain unopened. And most of the time when they do get opened, it will be 2/3 hours later and I won’t get a response.

I have a shed load of anxiety so that’s probably fuelling this but can someone please offer an outside perspective?

Why do people give you every indication they want to be friends (in person) but snub you over the phone? I don’t get the feeling that they’re just acting in person as we have a fair bit of banter, also I don’t think I annoy them (hence they extended the invitation to hang out. I’m not entirely expecting that to happen either. It’ll be a suggestion that never comes to fruition) but this is just outright confusing!

Thank you for any advice!
(edited 6 years ago)

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There’s this girl who literally opens my Snapchat message and replies a DAY later when i asked a simple yes or no question. So im being petty and doing the same thing back to her. Call me dramatic but that’s just so rude. Theyre online but wont take a few seconds to reply back. It just shows how they rlly feel about you...
Reply 2
Avatar for GUMI
GUMI
19
I sometimes don't reply for months
Reply 3
Avatar for gjd800
gjd800
20
Original post by GUMI
I sometimes don't reply for months


Can relate :laugh:
Well ain't that life
Original post by Rainfall
There’s this girl who literally opens my Snapchat message and replies a DAY later when i asked a simple yes or no question. So im being petty and doing the same thing back to her. Call me dramatic but that’s just so rude. Theyre online but wont take a few seconds to reply back. It just shows how they rlly feel about you...


I would do that but then the "I need people but people don't need me" mentality kicks in and I dont want to push it, my head is a lovely mess 😂
Original post by GUMI
I sometimes don't reply for months



How?? Surely it doesnt take too much out of your day to dash off a quick reply?
This is why I put frequently in, I just dont get you can look at an unopened message and then just scroll past it and ignore it for hours on end 😜 Like 1 sure, but 6..??
Reply 8
Avatar for GUMI
GUMI
19
Original post by AlwaysPanicking
How?? Surely it doesnt take too much out of your day to dash off a quick reply?

Just not very high priority, most of them are just from people who just say "Heyyy" or something. Don't really fancy having a conversation sometimes
Original post by AlwaysPanicking
We have a snapchat streak going (which I interpret as them actually making a commitment to talk at least once a day)


God no, if that's what you expect you'll always be disappointed, and trying to HOLD people to this standard will push them away.

Original post by GUMI
Just not very high priority, most of them are just from people who just say "Heyyy" or something. Don't really fancy having a conversation sometimes


This basically, 90% of these messages can wait. I'll generally respond to serious messages or questions, but lists of 'What u doing?' 'Hey!' 'What u doing?' 'You about?' tend to pile up, in fact if i'm doing something then check my phone to see a big list of essentially meaningless messages from someone, i'm LESS LIKELY TO RESPOND as frankly I know it's attention seeking.
(edited 6 years ago)
She's probably busy. Being nonlinear doesn't mean she has to respond to your messages.
Having a streak with someone doesn’t mean they are suddenly going to talk to you everyday. I have streaks with people I haven’t talked to in months
This is why I switch off chat on Facebook.
Original post by Tiger Rag
This is why I switch off chat on Facebook.


Idk about you but mine is always off yet people can still see when I was last online which is kinda annoying
he clearly isnt your friend, mive on
Original post by AlwaysPanicking
x


I don't understand why people do this, either. I mean it really doesn't take that much effort/time to reply and I guess it does show how much they care about you.

But you mentioned that she's good in real life, so focus on that. Real life. At the end of the day, it's what's more real. Don't focus on your relationship with her in social media terms, see this as something really futile.
I think there's a number of reasons that could be causing this, besides them trying to ghost/snub you. Perhaps they're not big on social media or texting aside from when they need to discuss something specific, or maybe they've just been busy. It could be that they've just not been up to socialising as much and have been online to check more pressing things only.
To be honest, I'm not big on talking to people on social media unless there's something to tell. If someone's just trying to start a conversation with me, I'm not into it. With messages too though, I don't like to reply if I don't have time for a full conversation. I don't want to reply once, taking a few seconds, and then them expect me to continue messaging. So I just wait until I have the time to give it proper attention. That could be why. If you're still getting on with them really well in person, it doesn't sound like they're trying to fob you off
If you were a bigger priority in their life, they'd respond. However, you're evidently not that big of a deal for them. Doesn't mean they don't like you, but maybe they don't like you as much as you'd initially thought. There's no reason to not respond to someone unless you're bored with them or just really, really busy.
Original post by Joel 96
If you were a bigger priority in their life, they'd respond. However, you're evidently not that big of a deal for them. Doesn't mean they don't like you, but maybe they don't like you as much as you'd initially thought. There's no reason to not respond to someone unless you're bored with them or just really, really busy.


This. It's all a question of motivation really

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