Hello,
I am a proud muslim and i will help you with your situation. So first of all we Muslims are put through a test for a reason. For example, we all have free will and we all decide what we want to do with it. Allah (SWT) has put everyone on a test because on the Day of judgement we will be based upon them. Allah will see what we did with our time and how we over come them. Your 33 years young, mashalla, and i would recommend going to your local mosque and asking these questions because a scholar or imam there will be able to provide you knowledge on what you are curious about. Not back onto the topic, as i said, For some people Allah has made the test harder, because Allah knowns what everyone is like and the harder they are, the more good deed we get. Allah has allowed you to be muslim and be proud of it, embrace it. As I said, you asked why people kill themselves? Allah has tested them and they have failed. The Prophet Mohammad stated that suicide is a major sin and those who do it will be punished by Allah. The reason for this is because Allah is testing you and you should now that and get through the hard times because at the end there is glory. This life is just a test. In the end, if you have committed a lot of good deeds and are devoted, Allah will send you to Jannah (Heaven). If you think you have committed a lot of bad deeds, as you know Allah is all forgiving and you still have time to ender Jannah, the beauty of Jannah is beyond any Earthly experience. Please my fellow Muslim DONT leave Islam as this is the Jin inside you trying to convince you to leave Islam because the holy month of Ramadan is upon us and he wants you to join him in Hell. If you have anymore questions please be free to let me know , btw im only 14 years old lol.