I don’t find friendships very fulfilling compared to having a partner

I guess I was never really lucky enough to have a great group of likeminded friends that I could always rely on to do fun things with. The few friends I did have from school ended up being the boring type who didn’t ever want to do anything, so I missed out on nights out as a teenager and feel resentful for it.

I finally got with my partner when I was 21 and it was great because I finally had someone to do stuff with. He’s very caring and would go to events with me that don’t interest him just to keep me company. Whereas I’ve had no friends that would do that - they only want to do what they’re interested in. And I’ve tried making new likeminded friends for the longest time, but it’s very hard to find anyone who wants new friends. I’m 26 now and feel too old to change things, and I think it’s just me and my partner now. Which puts pressure on the relationship, but what more can I do?

Are you in education or work at all? Ask those people out for a drink?

don't let it put pressure on your relationship would be my advice so if he doesn't want to do something, or you know it's not his kind of thing, couldn't you go alone? you might meet people there who are also on their own and then maybe you will find people to go to things with that way.

I’m not in education and I work from home

I forgot to mention that I do often go to things alone. Sometimes it’s fine and I enjoy myself, but other times I just feel depressed and like a loser seeing everyone else with their friends. I’ve met people when out, but it seems hard to get something going and know how to continue it beyond a one time thing.

OP, think of your life as being like a film that you're making. You can make it any type of film that you want. It can be a Notting Hill romantic comedy or a Die Hard type action film, or an Oceans 11 we're in a gang and we're going to do stuff together type film (although preferably not with any illegal activity). Maybe even a The Founder type business biopic. Groundhog Day might also be an appropriate?

You can make your life like a different film every day. No need to stick to the same script all the time.

Anyway, the point being, it's your life, you make it what you want. And to not treat it too seriously. In most films the main character has setbacks which they overcome.

My life this week has been like a Laurel and Hardy film.

Perhaps there's people on social networks doing similar jobs at home to you?

Yeah I can relate to this. The connections I've made with my 3 exes are nothing like the connections I've made with friends. It doesn't even take that long for me to build this connection. I think the difference is friends don't really care as much and they think about theirselves quite a lot. Whereas a guy who likes you will want to listen to you and learn about you. When you both fancy each other there's this genuine desire to get to know each other to the core. But with friends it can be quite surface level. Your partner will want to do everything with you whereas friends put their best interests first.

Also with your partner you spend so much time together that it's natural you're going to build such a deep connection with them. If you had a roommate I believe you'd probably build a similar connection because you're spending so much time together. But even then, there isn't the drive to get to know or please each other.

Are there any opportunities for you to work or volunteer part time somewhere? With those kinds of environments, you're forced to spend your time with the same people so it's kind of natural to make friends.

If not then maybe just a club you could join?

What kind of events are we talking here? Maybe there's a club for people interested in those? Or you could get chatting to someone else on their own, get their details and invite them to another related event.

I also work part time sometimes and have volunteered, but it’s hard to make friends at these things when people aren’t there for that or you don’t really have much in common with them.

The events I like are concerts, festivals, going to clubs and bars, things like that. I’ve had people at these things ask me where are my friends, but then they don’t bother wanting to be my friend

I guess I was never really lucky enough to have a great group of likeminded friends that I could always rely on to do fun things with. The few friends I did have from school ended up being the boring type who didn’t ever want to do anything, so I missed out on nights out as a teenager and feel resentful for it.

I finally got with my partner when I was 21 and it was great because I finally had someone to do stuff with. He’s very caring and would go to events with me that don’t interest him just to keep me company. Whereas I’ve had no friends that would do that - they only want to do what they’re interested in. And I’ve tried making new likeminded friends for the longest time, but it’s very hard to find anyone who wants new friends. I’m 26 now and feel too old to change things, and I think it’s just me and my partner now. Which puts pressure on the relationship, but what more can I do?

Sometimes you just need to make the effort and be the keen friendly one. Even if it feels a bit weird.
Does your boyfriend have any friends? Could be good to hang out with his and maybe their girlfriends? Maybe a double date? Or if he has any female friends you could get to know.

Yeah, I've hung out with his friends and their partners before and done double dates. I don't feel like I have enough in common with them to invite them to festivals and stuff though. I have depression too so I don't feel like anyone can be bothered to understand what I go through like my partner does.

It's tough because I feel I've made loads of effort to make friends. I've joined classes, I've used apps and websites, but it seems really hard to get anywhere with them. I dunno if it's worth continuing to try, the rejections and disappointments are very triggering for my depression

Yeah that does suck. But if you've been able to make such a great connection with your partner then at least you know you have it in you. To be honest it is harder to make new friends when you get older. Easy to make acquaintances but you do lose those deep friendships. Everyone else is focussed on their own lives, jobs, partners, children. Also it can be very easy to judge someone and think they probably won't be interested in your stuff but you may be surprised.