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I don’t know what to do about life anymore. I am a ‘happy’, fairly ‘positive’ and ‘outgoing’ person but I know know how to do it anymore. I put off seeing people, messaging people and generally going out because I know as soon as I make contact I’m going to have to put on this mask of myself. It tires me so easily now to do so and all contact with people I try to keep limited to a few hours at most. I go for walks with the dog to calm down and stop any anxious thought I get sometimes but it just seems to make them worse. I don’t really know what to do anymore with my life in general. I can’t wait to go to university, but then I think what if i feel the same when I get there? Ugh I just don’t know anymore. Also, I’ve been getting results day stress since October....and now it’s built and built with still over a month to go.

Reply 1361

Anonymous #588

I got BBD at A Level and feel like a failure, just finished 2nd year with a first (it's a meh uni, on par with pompey or slightly better idk). I desperately wish I was able to retake my A2's but my home situation pretty much gave me no choice but to go to uni to save myself mentally because I couldn't be in that environment anymore. I've had a *****y home situation for the past 7 years where an immediate family member was diagnosed with a mental illness and was also a sociopath. My getaway time was basically school but whenever I was home, my sole desire was just to stay away from them as much as possible. Obviously this is pretty difficult to do in practical terms so it was just a seriously toxic depressing environment. I would spend as much time in my room as possible but I was unbelievably unproductive. It's like the only real work I could do was whilst I was at school and when I went home I just mentally shut off because it was the only way to deal with it. Long story short they passed away last year so I'm basically in autopilot now, everything just feels surreal and I feel like an observer just watching my life as opposed to being in control if that makes any sense.

It's gut wrenching because my academics are paramount to me and to have felt like I failed them and had no choice but to go straight to uni to save myself is just so disappointing. When I meet new people and they ask what uni I go to I just feel so disheartened to tell them and talk about it. I've been labelled with grades and a university which I feel like I am better than but I failed in having the mental resilience to get through my adversity as well as was required for my goals.

In the context in my life I feel like I'm lucky to still have my marbles given my life experiences and to being doing relatively 'okay' but in the context of the wider world, I've underachieved massively. I know I'm capable of more and I feel so defined and labeled by my A Levels, especially that D. AAB was well within my reach but come A2 exam period I was just burnt out from being in my room continuously whilst being stressed from everything as well as not being productive, it was just an amazing concoction of sh*t.

The interesting thing is that I genuinely don't waste my time with regrets because I understand how pointless it is to have them. Nonetheless on the rare occasion I think about my A-Levels it's just heartbreaking to think how I've ended up where I currently am. I understand most people will face adversity, I'm just venting because I feel like the education systems nor employers seem to care for them. You either keep up with the Earths rotations or you get left behind. There's no two ways about it. The problem with this, in my opinion, is it just becomes pot luck where the minority of people are the cream of the crop who can overcome and deal with their adversity with ease. At the other end you'll have people who have f*cked their life up because of it. Then you have people like me who land somewhere between the middle where they may be doing enough by the skin of their teeth to keep up, if that.

My goal since GCSE's has always been to work for a year or two within the big 4 and I desperately pray that I reach that goal. It's the single milestone I've always wanted and if I can reach it then I can say I've done well despite at least a third of my life being an absolute sh!tshow. There's just no worse feeling than being labelled by numbers and letters that you feel don't accurately reflect your ability. I have a slither of a chance with the big 4 purely because in the recent years they seem to have slightly shifted away from immaculate academic records so my blemish from the D hasn't completely shut the door on me. I hope it hasn't anyway.

Reply 1362

Anonymous #589

Every piercing I have , as soon as my friend has seen it or I show her a picture of it, she gets it done. Then she somehow makes a snap about it , with a useless caption as a excuse to post it in the first place. Now even though it’s my choice not to put my life on social media, I feel like when people see us, those who don’t know I had it first, they may think I’m copying her, which is not the message I want to put across. As childish as this sounds, this is annoying. I will have something and she will ask where it’s from and then go buy it, and won’t even say, those are nice etc . I’m not fishing for compliments but still.

I regret it Hannah

Original post by Anonymous

Every piercing I have , as soon as my friend has seen it or I show her a picture of it, she gets it done. Then she somehow makes a snap about it , with a useless caption as a excuse to post it in the first place. Now even though it’s my choice not to put my life on social media, I feel like when people see us, those who don’t know I had it first, they may think I’m copying her, which is not the message I want to put across. As childish as this sounds, this is annoying. I will have something and she will ask where it’s from and then go buy it, and won’t even say, those are nice etc . I’m not fishing for compliments but still.

Solution: Don't tell her, don't show her, tell her to not copy you but to do her own thing.

Reply 1365

MongoDB

18

I really, really fvcking hate man united.

And arsenal. And Liverpool. And Chelsea.

Honestly my respect for anyone who supports these teams who has no connection to the local area goes down the toilet upon hearing so.

Reply 1366

Anonymous #588

Original post by mongodb

I really, really fvcking hate man united.

And arsenal. And Liverpool. And Chelsea.

Honestly my respect for anyone who supports these teams who has no connection to the local area goes down the toilet upon hearing so.

My respect for anyone whose judgement of a person's character can be so strongly skewed by their arbitrary support of an insignificant factor is non existent too.

Reply 1367

Anonymous #591

You were supposed to be the second most important person in my life, but you screwed that one up. You've ruined me. You've broken me. You've hurt me, but that's how I know I must be strong, I guess. I'm surprised most days that I'm still here. Still breathing suffocating air. I don't know how I feel anymore. I hate you with every fiber of my being. I hate you so much, yet I saved your life. Does that make me a hero? Or a fool? I still have night terrors, you know. Thrashing in my sleep and waking up to my own screaming. Yet, you're living the classic American dream, and I'm still stuck with these memories. How can life be so unfair? So cruel? Doesn't God punish the wicked? I've waited long enough for God, I think. Sixteen years. I guess that's why I gave up on God. You've left me with such an unforgivable mess and I'm still cleaning it up endlessly. It's so hopeless and infinite and dark and heavy. I would really like to just give it all up and be on my way, but it's not that easy. I'm so...angry. So...empty. This all feels like a joke, really. Like someone's playing some big, nasty, cruel hoax. It's left me so mixed and tangled. Too mixed and tangled. I don't think I'll ever be unwound.

Reply 1368

Anonymous #591

You were supposed to be the second most important person in my life, but you screwed that one up. You've ruined me. You've broken me. You've hurt me, but that's how I know I must be strong, I guess. I'm surprised most days that I'm still here. Still breathing suffocating air. I don't know how I feel anymore. I hate you with every fiber of my being. I hate you so much, yet I saved your life. Does that make me a hero? Or a fool? I still have night terrors, you know. Thrashing in my sleep and waking up to my own screaming. Yet, you're living the classic American dream, and I'm still stuck with these memories. How can life be so unfair? So cruel? Doesn't God punish the wicked? I've waited long enough for God, I think. Sixteen years. I guess that's why I gave up on God. You've left me with such an unforgivable mess and I'm still cleaning it up endlessly. It's so hopeless and infinite and dark and heavy. I would really like to just give it all up and be on my way, but it's not that easy. I'm so...angry. So...empty. This all feels like a joke, really. Like someone's playing some big, nasty, cruel hoax. It's left me so mixed and tangled. Too mixed and tangled. I don't think I'll ever be unwound.

Reply 1369

MongoDB

18

Original post by Anonymous

My respect for anyone whose judgement of a person's character can be so strongly skewed by their arbitrary support of an insignificant factor is non existent too.

Touché.

Reply 1370

Anonymous #572

im so stressed but everything is out of my control

Reply 1371

Anonymous #435

I’m so lonely I don’t know how I’ll survive this summer. I’m waiting for uni but I know I’ve ****ed up my A-levels and I’ll probably end up at a **** uni that I don’t even like. And don’t even mention resitting or a gap year because my family situation is **** and I WILL NOT last another year with nobody to talk to or hang out with; because then my sister will be gone, and she’s the only person I have right now so it’ll actually be even worse. I don’t know if I’ll last this summer. I don’t know how to.
It’s been 7 months already of being alone. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to not be lonely.

Reply 1372

Anonymous #435

Original post by Anonymous

I regret it Hannah

Woah my name’s Hannah 🌝 I know this ain’t about me (could be but the possible people it could be don’t have TSR... unless your initials are EM or BW) but if it was I’d want you to own up n apologise sincerely x

Reply 1373

username3941996

22

Original post by Anonymous

I’m so lonely I don’t know how I’ll survive this summer. I’m waiting for uni but I know I’ve ****ed up my A-levels and I’ll probably end up at a **** uni that I don’t even like. And don’t even mention resitting or a gap year because my family situation is **** and I WILL NOT last another year with nobody to talk to or hang out with; because then my sister will be gone, and she’s the only person I have right now so it’ll actually be even worse. I don’t know if I’ll last this summer. I don’t know how to.
It’s been 7 months already of being alone. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to not be lonely.

Don’t worry. You will have loads of friends and won’t be alone. Stay strong. 😊

Reply 1374

Anonymous #47

I wish I were dead. I wish somebody who wanted to live could have my life.

Reply 1375

Anonymous #300

Haven’t had a **** in 3 days. Proud of myself.

Reply 1376

Anonymous #300

My brother says it’s ok to abuse me and my mother thinks I’m an ungrateful child for arguing back about it. Never mind that he actually has abused me before.

Reply 1377

Anonymous #593

Im not stupid like I got a U to D and from a D to B but I feel really worthless so I just never work hard and I have still coursework to give in but I delay it