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My dad slapped me five times in the face because I talked back.
What should I do? I am a female Asian and I am 22. In my culture, disobeying your parents is like the most sinful thing to do.
It all started with a sport bra. I was wearing a sport crop top/ bra without any top on at home. My dad was furious seeing me wearing like that. (In my culture, it is seen as revealing). I then talked back saying that I’m not going anywhere and I’m working out at home. He got more furious as I talked back. Then, he threatened to beat me up if I challenge him with what I wear.
Knowing he was angry, I still did talk back saying that it’s nothing wrong to wear like that and I also said that you should not hit a girl ever. He then really did slap me very hard. I was so upset that I blurted out the past incidents when he slapped other women. He got extremely angry and slapped me 4 more times in the face and was going to punch me in the face but he hesitated. (Luckily otherwise I would have had a broken nose.)
It has been 6 hours, my face is still swollen. No blood is coming out. I think I’m fine.
Is it my fault?
It all started with a sport bra. I was wearing a sport crop top/ bra without any top on at home. My dad was furious seeing me wearing like that. (In my culture, it is seen as revealing). I then talked back saying that I’m not going anywhere and I’m working out at home. He got more furious as I talked back. Then, he threatened to beat me up if I challenge him with what I wear.
Knowing he was angry, I still did talk back saying that it’s nothing wrong to wear like that and I also said that you should not hit a girl ever. He then really did slap me very hard. I was so upset that I blurted out the past incidents when he slapped other women. He got extremely angry and slapped me 4 more times in the face and was going to punch me in the face but he hesitated. (Luckily otherwise I would have had a broken nose.)
It has been 6 hours, my face is still swollen. No blood is coming out. I think I’m fine.
Is it my fault?
(edited 5 years ago)
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Not really. You’re 22! Move out.
Straight up abuse.
Dunno how it is in your culture fully(although I have a reasonable understanding of it) and I don't like saying go to the police as that opens up a can of worms but the best thing to do is save up some money and move from the toxic environment and just listen to what your Dad says in the meanwhile. Failing that find a friend you can stay with or something. Only go to the police if you really feel your life is in danger, otherwise its a waste of time, they might not see it as enough of a problem and you still have other things to think about(e.g. how the rest of the family would feel about you snitching on your Dad).
If he does that to you and you told him about other times he did that nothing is going to stop him from doing it again though. You're 22 as well.
You White? Because I can tell you things go different in South Asian/Middle Eastern cultures.
If you're a female Asian this is not an uncommon situation. There's been enough stories of this getting reported and the girl who reports it not getting enough protection from the police and winds up dead.
Dunno how it is in your culture fully(although I have a reasonable understanding of it) and I don't like saying go to the police as that opens up a can of worms but the best thing to do is save up some money and move from the toxic environment and just listen to what your Dad says in the meanwhile. Failing that find a friend you can stay with or something. Only go to the police if you really feel your life is in danger, otherwise its a waste of time, they might not see it as enough of a problem and you still have other things to think about(e.g. how the rest of the family would feel about you snitching on your Dad).
If he does that to you and you told him about other times he did that nothing is going to stop him from doing it again though. You're 22 as well.
Original post by Foggel
Wtf, no of course it isnt your fault, you should report this , that is assault.
You White? Because I can tell you things go different in South Asian/Middle Eastern cultures.
If you're a female Asian this is not an uncommon situation. There's been enough stories of this getting reported and the girl who reports it not getting enough protection from the police and winds up dead.
(edited 5 years ago)
I don't get why you're trying to justify it. Even if it's 'Asian culture', it's still wrong. I used to get hit as a child; it doesn't make it right. You're twenty ****ing two. Move out. Stop being a slave to your parents if they're going to assault you over what you wear AT HOME.
Original post by bj27
Straight up abuse.
Dunno how it is in your culture and I don't like saying go to the police as that opens up a can of worms but the best thing to do is save up some money and move from the toxic environment and just listen to what your Dad says in the meanwhile. Failing that find a friend you can stay with or something. Only go to the police if you really feel your life is in danger, otherwise its a waste of time, they might not see it as enough of a problem and you still have other things to think about(e.g. how the rest of the family would feel about you snitching on your Dad).
If he does that to you and you told him about other times he did that nothing is going to stop him from doing it again though. You're 22 as well.
Dunno how it is in your culture and I don't like saying go to the police as that opens up a can of worms but the best thing to do is save up some money and move from the toxic environment and just listen to what your Dad says in the meanwhile. Failing that find a friend you can stay with or something. Only go to the police if you really feel your life is in danger, otherwise its a waste of time, they might not see it as enough of a problem and you still have other things to think about(e.g. how the rest of the family would feel about you snitching on your Dad).
If he does that to you and you told him about other times he did that nothing is going to stop him from doing it again though. You're 22 as well.
Thank you for taking your time for this. Yes, I think I will ruin the whole family if I actually report his behaviour. I love my mother very much. She is not home now. I don’t know how tell my mother about this when she gets home. I will move out as soon as I can but I know moving out will make my mom feels so hurt.
Original post by Tuimal
Moving out in an Asian household is not easy unless you’re married.
If moving out in an Asian household is hard unless you are married then you should not have talked back or raise your voice at your dad.
What were you thinking when you dressed up in your sports bra when you knew your dad or any member of your household would react like that?
Would you dress like that or speak like that in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Iran etc.
In the UK, what your dad did was wrong but would you report that to the police? Go ahead and do that if you think he deserves to be arrested.
I think you were lucky though. Maybe your dad was 5ft 4, slim and with tiny hands.
My friend's dad slapped him for tasting sweet delicious pork and he passed out.
Original post by AppleB
Not really. You’re 22! Move out.
Because moving out is so so easy. Imagine living in London and eating jam sandwiches all day just so you can make rent. This also assumes OP has a nice paying job to pay the bills. She could have the other option of going to a disgusting hostel where people are on drugs.
If she had the money to move out, she would have done so already.
Original post by Pidge Gunderson
I don't get why you're trying to justify it. Even if it's 'Asian culture', it's still wrong. I used to get hit as a child; it doesn't make it right. You're twenty ****ing two. Move out. Stop being a slave to your parents if they're going to assault you over what you wear AT HOME.
Here is the problem, in Asian culture, this has a mental aspect. You have extended families quite often, family members you care about(her mum in this case), snitching on your Dad if you aren't in immediate danger could actually put you in IMMEDIATE DANGER. I got beats as well but it wasn't going to get much bigger than that, preferred getting a slap to the 2 hour lectures personally. Shouldn't happen but different cultures.
Not assuming anything here but Asian girls reporting to the police and not getting protection is probably one of the main reasons for an honour killing. I'm saying be smart and move when you can, if it gets worse move when you absolutely have to.
Original post by bj27
Because moving out is so so easy. Imagine living in London and eating jam sandwiches all day just so you can make rent. This also assumes OP has a nice paying job to pay the bills. She could have the other option of going to a disgusting hostel where people are on drugs.
If she had the money to move out, she would have done so already.
Here is the problem, in Asian culture, this has a mental aspect. You have extended families quite often, family members you care about(her mum in this case), snitching on your Dad if you aren't in immediate danger could actually put you in IMMEDIATE DANGER. I got beats as well but it wasn't going to get much bigger than that, preferred getting a slap to the 2 hour lectures personally. Shouldn't happen but different cultures.
Not assuming anything here but Asian girls reporting to the police and not getting protection is probably one of the main reasons for an honour killing. I'm saying be smart and move when you can, if it gets worse move when you absolutely have to.
If she had the money to move out, she would have done so already.
Here is the problem, in Asian culture, this has a mental aspect. You have extended families quite often, family members you care about(her mum in this case), snitching on your Dad if you aren't in immediate danger could actually put you in IMMEDIATE DANGER. I got beats as well but it wasn't going to get much bigger than that, preferred getting a slap to the 2 hour lectures personally. Shouldn't happen but different cultures.
Not assuming anything here but Asian girls reporting to the police and not getting protection is probably one of the main reasons for an honour killing. I'm saying be smart and move when you can, if it gets worse move when you absolutely have to.
I know, I know. I'm Muslim (well, I don't know if I still am but culturally), and I can painfully relate to this. That's why I'm suggesting moving out instead of reporting. Reporting it to the police will just make the entire extended family (as well as friends of said family) turn against you.
It's just not fair.
Original post by Tuimal
Thank you for taking your time for this. Yes, I think I will ruin the whole family if I actually report his behaviour. I love my mother very much. She is not home now. I don’t know how tell my mother about this when she gets home. I will move out as soon as I can but I know moving out will make my mom feels so hurt.
Doesn't matter about that. If you can move out, move out. Try do it as diplomatic as possible, not sure on how to approach this, I guess tell your mum about what happened, but don't mention to her you're moving out until you are ready to move out.
Original post by poker1000
If moving out in an Asian household is hard unless you are married then you should not have talked back or raise your voice at your dad.
What were you thinking when you dressed up in your sports bra when you knew your dad or any member of your household would react like that?
Would you dress like that or speak like that in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Iran etc.
In the UK, what your dad did was wrong but would you report that to the police? Go ahead and do that if you think he deserves to be arrested.
I think you were lucky though. Maybe your dad was 5ft 4, slim and with tiny hands.
My friend's dad slapped him for tasting sweet delicious pork and he passed out.
What were you thinking when you dressed up in your sports bra when you knew your dad or any member of your household would react like that?
Would you dress like that or speak like that in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Iran etc.
In the UK, what your dad did was wrong but would you report that to the police? Go ahead and do that if you think he deserves to be arrested.
I think you were lucky though. Maybe your dad was 5ft 4, slim and with tiny hands.
My friend's dad slapped him for tasting sweet delicious pork and he passed out.
I didn’t know my dad would react that way. He was away most of the times when i was wearing that. I have been wearing that same sport bra with my mom working out tgt. I was really shocked when he reacted that way. Also I think it was my first time wearing that in front of him.
FYI: I can eat pork though. My whole family eats pork.
This is ****ing disgusting. Of course it isn't your fault, your father is behaving like an animal.
Original post by Pidge Gunderson
I know, I know. I'm Muslim (well, I don't know if I still am but culturally), and I can painfully relate to this. That's why I'm suggesting moving out instead of reporting. Reporting it to the police will just make the entire extended family (as well as friends of said family) turn against you.
It's just not fair.
It's just not fair.
Yes, it’s so scary having no help at all when everyone turns against you.
Original post by Tuimal
I didn’t know my dad would react that way. He was away most of the times when i was wearing that. I have been wearing that same sport bra with my mom working out tgt. I was really shocked when he reacted that way. Also I think it was my first time wearing that in front of him.
FYI: I can eat pork though. My whole family eats pork.
FYI: I can eat pork though. My whole family eats pork.
It was your reactions more than what you wore that made the situation worse. Your reaction worsened the situation. He should not have reacted that way but anyone surprised about his reaction or suggesting that you report to the police isn't giving you the best advice. You should know that.
I am glad you enjoy pork. Do you wash it down with vodka?
Original post by poker1000
If moving out in an Asian household is hard unless you are married then you should not have talked back or raise your voice at your dad.
What were you thinking when you dressed up in your sports bra when you knew your dad or any member of your household would react like that?
Would you dress like that or speak like that in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Iran etc.
In the UK, what your dad did was wrong but would you report that to the police? Go ahead and do that if you think he deserves to be arrested.
I think you were lucky though. Maybe your dad was 5ft 4, slim and with tiny hands.
My friend's dad slapped him for tasting sweet delicious pork and he passed out.
What were you thinking when you dressed up in your sports bra when you knew your dad or any member of your household would react like that?
Would you dress like that or speak like that in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Iran etc.
In the UK, what your dad did was wrong but would you report that to the police? Go ahead and do that if you think he deserves to be arrested.
I think you were lucky though. Maybe your dad was 5ft 4, slim and with tiny hands.
My friend's dad slapped him for tasting sweet delicious pork and he passed out.
Bit crude and made me lol for a second but you have a point.
Lay low, don't annoy them, naming times he beat up women ain't going to do a thing other than make it worse as some people are devoid of proper communication, if you absolutely have to report him report him(understand the repercussions, police don't care about asian domestic violence until they're on the news, and trust me if you're on the news its not because of how the police did a good job in that situation and got you out of that environment), if you can move out do it quick time, don't runaway ofc and tell them your decision beforehand but move out as soon as you can.
Original post by Pidge Gunderson
I know, I know. I'm Muslim (well, I don't know if I still am but culturally), and I can painfully relate to this. That's why I'm suggesting moving out instead of reporting. Reporting it to the police will just make the entire extended family (as well as friends of said family) turn against you.
It's just not fair.
It's just not fair.
Yeah its pretty bad in that sense. What can you do really?
Problem with having this respect your elders whether they're right or wrong mentality(I have a muslim extended family so can relate, my immediate fam aren't muslim tho). Worst thing is that if you get an arranged marriage you get forced in that cycle again if the man is like that. Not surprised if the mother probably feels the same as the daughter but can't do anything about it. If he slaps his daughter he slaps his wife..
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by poker1000
It was your reactions more than what you wore that made the situation worse. Your reaction worsened the situation. He should not have reacted that way but anyone surprised about his reaction or suggesting that you report to the police isn't giving you the best advice. You should know that.
I am you enjoy pork. Do you wash it down with vodka?
I am you enjoy pork. Do you wash it down with vodka?
Yes, it was definitely my reactions that added fuel to the fire. But this is not the first he hits females. ( He hit a few women in front of me before)
And no, I don’t drink vodka.
Original post by Tuimal
Moving out in an Asian household is not easy unless you’re married.
If your parent(s) are mistreating you then you need to leave. Your a grown woman, if you decide to leave there is no law in this country preventing you from doing so. If you decide to stay its because you want to. Personally, I would actually encourage you to move out because it seems to me this isn't the first time your father has struck you before and it definitely won't be the last. Move into a flatshare or something else.
Good luck.
yes it is, don't talk back to your parents, you still live in their house, so follow their rules and respect it, and you shouldn't be telling your parents what to do considering the fact that you live in their house.
You're 22 so you should know how your dad would react in situations like this and not make it worse, knowing he was angry and you still talked back.
you could have easily done your exercise in a T-shirt
EDIT: by the way, hope your face gets better, and you should move out when you can💪
You're 22 so you should know how your dad would react in situations like this and not make it worse, knowing he was angry and you still talked back.
you could have easily done your exercise in a T-shirt
EDIT: by the way, hope your face gets better, and you should move out when you can💪
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Tuimal
Yes, it was definitely my reactions that added fuel to the fire. But this is not the first he hits females. ( He hit a few women in front of me before)
And no, I don’t drink vodka.
And no, I don’t drink vodka.
Is there any reason why he enjoy beating females instead of males? or are you inferring that it is proper to hit males and not females? Does he beat/hit your brothers?
Do you have brothers at all? If you dont have brothers, maybe thats the reason he has no option. I mean he can't ask you or one the females to turn into a male(transgender) before he strikes his fist at her/him. He might not be that patient.
If you have no brother/s, why not invite your male cousins to stay with you guys to even the beating?
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