boyfriends family invites ex over for dinner

i think it is uncomfortable if you explained yourself and she dosent like you, do you see yourselfves going long term?

I really do but he's lack of respect for me is really getting to me. I can't imagine playing happy families with his ex for the rest of my life. would it be wrong for me to ask him to cut of all contact with her?

hey guys


They were together for 5 years and I respect their relationship history. I found it really weird and I didn't even know he was in contact with his ex which bugged me even more. His ex was also really mean to me and out of respect for the family and there relationship with her I really did try to make an effort with her but the whole time she was just giving me dirty looks.

The worst part of this night was, after I couldn't take this whole thing anymore I decided to not finish of my dinner and just go into my room and stay there. I was hoping my boyfriend would come but he spent the whole night with his ex and his family and I just could just hear them laughing and enjoying themselves.

I was honestly so hurt that he would do this. I feel like his family don't even respect my relationship with him and even worse I don't think my boyfriend has any respect for me to do this.

I called him out on this and just told its not that big of a deal and I could have always come and join them. He don't get that its really weird for me and the fact that he used to have feelings for this girl and have sex with her and still be have friendship with her is hurting me.

btw me and my bf have been together for a year and bit now. I'm 22 and he's 29 similar age to his ex.

anyway what shall I do? I'm I over reacting?

Atticus Finch: "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it"
OP, I'm going to provide a well balanced response taking into account everyone's point of view.


Firstly, you didn't know he was in contact with his ex: Many people after a relationship remain friends and you're aware of that right? Now unless he has always hidden the fact that he's still friends with her whenever you questioned it, You shouldn't let this annoy you.

"The ex was mean to you" : There's a quote saying, "You never really appreciate something until it's taken away from you". Now I'm not sure how the relationship ended between them, but for them to go for 5 years; there was definitely a strong bond.
I think she may have feelings for him, but out of respect doesn't want to become Public about it, so decides to lash out at you. You know how kids cry/throw a fit when they see another kid with a toy which they want but that toy won't be shared; she'd doing a similar thing In my opinion.

I'd say it's a bit too early to judge whether the family respects your relationship.
You've been with him for just over a year and they were together for 5 years, so I wouldn't blame the family in getting along slightly better with her than with you. It does make sense from their point of view right?
However they do need to acknowledge that their son and you are a thing, it could even lead to marriage (touch wood) so in a way they should respect that.

I don't know what was going on that evening, but it is a bad move on his part to not even pop-in to check up on you. You haven't stated how long you were in your room, however if it was for more than an hour I'd say your reaction is perfectly justified.
On the contrary, he has obviously known his ex longer than he has with you so I can see why he would be engrossed in the moment, however I still think that's no reason for him to not even bother to see how you're doing, no matter the situation.

I'd suggest you talk to him and tell him everything you've said here, and just calmly come to an agreement.
I wouldn't encourage stopping him seeing her, but if she starts being of more importance to him than you, then I'd probably leave to not come across as "needy".

Atticus Finch: "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it"
OP, I'm going to provide a well balanced response taking into account everyone's point of view.


Firstly, you didn't know he was in contact with his ex: Many people after a relationship remain friends and you're aware of that right? Now unless he has always hidden the fact that he's still friends with her whenever you questioned it, You shouldn't let this annoy you.

"The ex was mean to you" : There's a quote saying, "You never really appreciate something until it's taken away from you". Now I'm not sure how the relationship ended between them, but for them to go for 5 years; there was definitely a strong bond.
I think she may have feelings for him, but out of respect doesn't want to become Public about it, so decides to lash out at you. You know how kids cry/throw a fit when they see another kid with a toy which they want but that toy won't be shared; she'd doing a similar thing In my opinion.

I'd say it's a bit too early to judge whether the family respects your relationship.
You've been with him for just over a year and they were together for 5 years, so I wouldn't blame the family in getting along slightly better with her than with you. It does make sense from their point of view right?
However they do need to acknowledge that their son and you are a thing, it could even lead to marriage (touch wood) so in a way they should respect that.

I don't know what was going on that evening, but it is a bad move on his part to not even pop-in to check up on you. You haven't stated how long you were in your room, however if it was for more than an hour I'd say your reaction is perfectly justified.
On the contrary, he has obviously known his ex longer than he has with you so I can see why he would be engrossed in the moment, however I still think that's no reason for him to not even bother to see how you're doing, no matter the situation.

I'd suggest you talk to him and tell him everything you've said here, and just calmly come to an agreement.
I wouldn't encourage stopping him seeing her, but if she starts being of more importance to him than you, then I'd probably leave to not come across as "needy".

I was in my room for more than an hour coz I was in there the whole night. And when I did call him out on his actions and he was putting her feelings as a priority before mine. As his girlfriend my feeling should matter more to him but he seemed more concerned about his ex and making sure she had a great night while i was stuck in my room. So yeah I am annoyed. I'm f*cking pi*sed.

Everything in bold I agree with.
Anything underlined is questionable.

Told you he wasn't in contact? Lying (Red flag)
Double standards? (Red flag)
Her feelings before yours. (Red flag)


Now, look at what you wrote:"As his girlfriend my feeling should matter more to him"
Imagine we removed the word "girlfriend" and replace it with "your name".
If we were to do that, that would make you come across as self-centred. Your his girlfriend, does that mean he has to give all his attention to you?

Step out of your skin and into his ex's skin. She was with him for 5 years. Like it or not, they'll know each other a lot more, better than you know him. I'm not justifying majority of his actions, however there's noway you can expect him to totally ignore her and make it all about you.
Despite that, I do agree he should have been more concerned about you but also keeping his guest (ex) happy.




"I personally feel like it's not appropriate to be in contact with an ex when you're in a relationship . And ex is an ex for a reason."
An ex is an ex because the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship was not working out. Your ex doesn't have to mean totally Ghost them from your life.
Some people break up as a mutual agreement from both parties and want to remain friends as they enjoy being friends, just don't want anything serious yet.
How their relationship ended is beyond me, but I doubt it ended in a bad way as they're obviously still friends and you should do your best to respect that despite how childish she's acting towards you.

Ngl, this whole thing sounds childish and shouldn't even be happening in your 20s

Everything about this is so wrong, you deserve better.

1. He should have told you that he was still friends with his ex, lying to you about this is completely unacceptable.
2. He should have checked that you were fine with meeting her before inviting her round.
3. If his family respected your relationship, they wouldn't invite her round without checking you were ok with it.
4. If your boyfriend cared about your feelings, he should have checked on you. Whether he agreed with you is another matter but he should at least try to reassure you.

Have you had a conversation with him about it all yet?

What i was trying to say is that as his girlfriend my feeling should come as a priority before his ex. I'm not saying all of his attention should be on me. I dont want that. But if he is gonna make everything about his ex then why would he make me his girlfriend in the first place? Like i said before I respect that they had a relationship but that's in the past.

Also there relationship ended because she cheated 4 years into there relationship. He decided to fix things with her but it wasn't working out so he called it quits 5 years later. So yeah this women is pretty vile I dont even know why the f*ck he wants her around which annoys me even more

I left the house after the night all this happened. He tried to contact me and has left me a lot of text messages and voice notes but I honestly just want an outside opinion on what to do. I have been treated badly in the past and because I was young and naive I let my exs get away with treating me ****. I dont want a repeat of that so I am contemplating ending it so I don't get hurt again. I just dont know if I am being silly about this

Ugh why do i alwAys go for the same guys lol. It's so annoying...