Jealous of my boyfriends lifestyle?

My boyfriend has a very comfortable life. He goes on luxury holidays multiple times a year and gets everything he wants from his parents. I on the other hand have to work for money and am lucky to go on a budget holiday once every few years. I find myself getting very jealous of his life and it gets to the point i start to resent him for it. It isn't a nice feeling and I wish I wasn't so jealous of him but I cant seem to help it. Am I being stupid??

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Foggel

If you love him you shouldn’t really be jealous of him and his lifestyle, does he include you in his lifestyle frequently?

Reply 2

Kian Stevens

Original post by Anonymous

Yes, quite stupid.

Everyone has different lifestyles. If he gets it all handed to him, then that's his lifestyle - you can't change that. He probably lives his life thinking it's all normal, and he's probably even proud of your hard work and determination. The fact that you envy your own boyfriend, and undermine your own success, is quite pathetic really. In fact, the jealousy seems like some sort of entitlement, because 'Oh well my boyfriend gets x y and z just given to him, whilst I have to work so hard for only x'. Don't forget, he only gets it easy because his parents have probably worked hard to get that money.

Personally, I'd rather do what you do and actually have to work for my own stuff, for some sense of accomplishment in life. But so what if he lives an easy life? If you can't stand that, leave him and find someone who better reflects your own lifestyle.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 3

experienced69

Original post by Anonymous

It isn't a nice feeling and I wish I wasn't so jealous of him but I cant seem to help it. Am I being stupid??

No, you're just being the kind of person people usually avoid.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Foggel

If you love him you shouldn’t really be jealous of him and his lifestyle, does he include you in his lifestyle frequently?

I occasionally get to go out for nice meals with the family but it's rare. He rubs it in my face a lot that he gets a nice life. It's not very nice but he isn't a nasty person, just has had an easy life

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by experienced69

No, you're just being the kind of person people usually avoid.

In what way?

Reply 6

TheAlchemistress

I rather work for my own lifestyle. Be proud. 👍 don’t be jealous.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

What a nasty thing to say. I am very much in love with him and jealousy is a common feeling. I just feel **** in comparison to him sometimes as I have very little compared to him and it makes me feel bad about myself.

Reply 8

TheAlchemistress

She does dislike him, but he also “rubs it in my face a lot”, shows they aren’t perfect for each other.

Reply 9

marupe

People are being unnecessarily harsh OP, because they know they are in the same position as your boyfriend and would act the same. If you don't want to envy him, that's good. Keep working on your envy issues by understanding life is unfair but that doesn't make your life bad! speak to him about if you can, don't let it get to resentment otherwise your relationship won't survive

Reply 10

experienced69

Original post by Anonymous

In what way?

In what way are you being that person?
By starting to resent someone who has it better than you.
Its a loser mentality.
Be a winner.

Reply 11

Kian Stevens

Original post by marupe

People are being unnecessarily harsh OP...

Being realistic about how she feels towards her boyfriend is being 'harsh'? Ok...

Original post by marupe

...because they know they are in the same position as your boyfriend and would act the same...

I work for the things I want. Someone else has already said they do the same. I'm pretty sure anyone, including you, would act the same if they were in the boyfriend's position though... Showing off is part of human nature.

Original post by Anonymous

"I work for the things I want. Someone else has already said they do the same. I'm pretty sure anyone, including you, would act the same if they were in the boyfriend's position though... Showing off is part of human nature"

and feeling jealous isn't part of human nature?

Being envious of someone who has it better than you is the worst mentality. Human nature yes, but the worst mentality. I honestly doubt he intentionally shows off and rubs things in your face, but on the other hand, I doubt he'll keep things all to himself.

'Rubbing it in your face' probably means he tells you about the times he's going on holiday, but since it's rather frequent, you've started to 'resent' him due to the fact you only go on a 'budget holiday once every few years'. You've voluntarily felt bitterness towards him, since you keep comparing yourself to him. Hence, the worst mentality. I could compare myself to some multi-billion dollar celebrity, and how much of an 'easy' lifestyle they have relative to mine. Do I? No, because it's pointless and gets me nowhere.

Some people have easy lifestyles, get over it. Just be grateful you've acquired some skills in the workplace, whilst he's yet to get a job full stop.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 14

Joleee

no, sounds pretty normal to me. i'm jealous of anyone who's spoiled by their parents, but i also got my first job and started taking care of myself when i was 15. not sure what the answer is tho. there's nothing you can do to change the situation; you might just have to accept it for what it is.

Reply 15

marupe

Original post by Kian Stevens

Being realistic about how she feels towards her boyfriend is being 'harsh'? Ok...

I work for the things I want. Someone else has already said they do the same. I'm pretty sure anyone, including you, would act the same if they were in the boyfriend's position though... Showing off is part of human nature.

She's posted on TSR to get help because she doesn't want to feel this way. Envy is natural. Instead of everyone being up in arms about what sh's posted, maybe try to give practical advice?

So showing off is okay, but being envious isn't? :s-smilie:

Reply 16

experienced69

Original post by Anonymous

and feeling jealous isn't part of human nature?

Its the part you need to get rid of.

Reply 17

esralled

I don't think people here quite understand the problem OP is having.

Yes, jealousy of someone you love is a bad thing, but it doesn't make you a bad person. Double this statement and add 5 when it applies to someone who is looking for advice to overcome it, like she is.

I think I can speak from a very similar place to you, OP. I come from a pretty crappy background, and I find myself getting jealous of the things people usually take for granted, like both of their parents. Not to make it sound like a sob story, but it's not often that I make friends, or pursue romantic relations, with people that have it worse than me (though they are definitely out there). I've had to work on a lot of jealousy issues as well.

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend has a very comfortable life. He goes on luxury holidays multiple times a year and gets everything he wants from his parents.

The important thing to remember in regards to this is that he didn't choose to have that comfortable life. He chose it as much as you chose yours. It's one thing to be jealous of him, it's another issue entirely to resent him. He can't help the fact that his parents were well off when he was born, and you can't really fault him for taking advantage of the opportunities that he has. You don't get to pick the cards you're dealt, no matter how good or bad they are.

I on the other hand have to work for money and am lucky to go on a budget holiday once every few years.

Then you're like me. People that have to grind the way we do tend to be able to function a lot better than people who are raised with a silver spoon up their arse. There will be basic things he doesn't know how to do that will land him in trouble. If he's never had to work for anything, he'll find that coming to bite him in the ass when it comes to looking for jobs and living alone. If his only safety net is his parents money, that's a very finite safety net. It's a lot easier to learn how to deal with losing that at 16 than at 56.

If he is rubbing them in your face and making you feel crappy about your situation, then that goes back to what I said above - basic things he doesn't know how to do. He's gonna lose many more relationships if that's the way he acts.

Overcoming your jealousy involves accepting that there will be people in your life that are better off than you, and that's okay. It involves not allowing that fact to take away from what you have. You can be proud of the fact that everything you own, you worked for. Is it nice to be born into wealth? Absolutely. Is it something to be proud of? Not particularly. Is it an accomplishment you can claim as your own? Definitely not.

Be happy with the fact that you have a loving partner that wants to share his opportunities with you. Don't let that fact distract you of the things you've achieved in your life that, while they might not appear as glamorous, are arguably more valuable.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 18

username3489684

to all the people saying **** about you on this thread, they can go **** themselves
what you are feeling is normal considering the situation I think the issue is that maybe you're not appreciating who you are and the things that make you valuable as a person. working hard for what you want and need is something to be proud of. if you jsut had things handed to you in a plate like your boyfriend then you'd just be entitled and have a boring perfect life. Instead the difficulties and struggles you have gone through are experiences worth valuing and telling stories about. also you should talk to your boyfriend and try to help him understand your life and appreciate you more.

Reply 19

WeirdScorpio

It’s funny how so many people are quick to judge. But everyone wishes they were rich or had more money. 🙄 Being around someone who gets everything handed to them while you work your ass off is draining. That’s life. Not every one of us can be privileged. Yes working for everything you have feels amazing. It’s just so tiring to hear someone gloat about something that you put your sweat and tears to get and all it takes for them is to ask their parents for it. Kicking someone while they are down isn’t the move. It’s toxic asl. I swear people are so quick to bash one of another. Baby girl. Do you if you feel a certain way about something you are fully entitled to feel that way. But don’t let it destroy or stop loving someone you love. We all are jealous. Even when it comes to relationships. Try to not let it get to you. Even tho it’s easier said than done. I’m still learning to this day how to be a better person. Along with everyone else.