Strict Muslims parents. No freedom. Need help to get away!!

I’m a 21yr old Muslim. I’m at university atm. I wasn’t allowed to travel too far or move out for uni so was forced to choose the closest one which I hate. I’ve been with my partner for 3 years now whose half white and we’re actually secretly engaged!! We’re in a long distance relationship so we don’t get too see each other much. Maybe once every three months. I need to get away. I feel like I’m living a double life. I’m always living in fear and paranoia that I’ll get caught out. I’m not the real me at home. I was born and raised in England but the Muslim culture just gets forced down my throat. It’s making me miserable and having to live this life is ****ing with my mental health. I need help to see him for the weekend. The only way they might possibly let me be away for home for a weekend is for a study trip so can anybody help me with this please? What can I say?

Reply 1

999tigger

19

Original post by Nazmin786

I’m a 21yr old Muslim. I’m at university atm. I wasn’t allowed to travel too far or move out for uni so was forced to choose the closest one which I hate. I’ve been with my partner for 3 years now whose half white and we’re actually secretly engaged!! We’re in a long distance relationship so we don’t get too see each other much. Maybe once every three months. I need to get away. I feel like I’m living a double life. I’m always living in fear and paranoia that I’ll get caught out. I’m not the real me at home. I was born and raised in England but the Muslim culture just gets forced down my throat. It’s making me miserable and having to live this life is ****ing with my mental health. I need help to see him for the weekend. The only way they might possibly let me be away for home for a weekend is for a study trip so can anybody help me with this please? What can I say?

Sounds like they will try and check up. Cant he make the journey at least half way so you have less distance to travel. What you need to be thinking about is how to get away permanently, even though that might mean family/ community ostracism.

The ways you could do this is focus on degree and do it after you graduate i.e get a job based on your good grades.
Be prepared to be estranged. You know your family and what they are capable of. It sounds unlikely they will be happy and they will seek to punish or blackmail you.

Contact
https://www.standalone.org.uk/students/
or if Muslim
http://www.mwnhelpline.co.uk/

Reply 2

username3895014

21

Have you tried talking to them about your partner or about the way you feel ? I think sometimes young Muslims overestimate their parents’ rules. You are old enough, but just in case, i would say wait until you are financially stable before doing anything rash. My Brother was with is girlfriend for 4+ years before he plucked up the courage to tell our Muslim mum and dad. He thought they would go ballistic, but they didn’t because he was 21 and had just graduated and he was doing well for himself. But every family is different so good luck. Feel free to PM me

Reply 3

Nazmin786

OP

7

I know they will which is why I’m trying to think of ways to get away with it. He can’t travel half way anymore because he’s been recently diagnosed with a skin disease which is now classed as a disability it’s called HS. And I want to stay the night there for two days. And thank you

Reply 4

username1567177

18

Correction: asian culture rather than Muslim culture

Reply 5

Rezwan_

11

Original post by eternalhinch

Correction: asian culture rather than Muslim culture

For real.

Reply 6

Nazmin786

OP

7

I have tried it honestly goes through one ear and out the other! A simple talk never works with them. It’s like trying to get blood out of stone getting them to listen to me

Reply 7

username3552710

11

I am a muslim too and that is asian culture btw not islamic or muslim culture.. do u have any other family members u can talk? u shud just say it to ur parents. they will find out sooner or later. the later u leave it the longer it will take. do u stay at uni or at home. im guessing at home?

Reply 8

Nazmin786

OP

7

No I don’t even talk to my extended family members and I know I’m just really dreading it I dontknow what to do and I stay at home

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Before you even think about getting away, you first need to think about if it is really worth it. You said you were engaged so you have to inform him that he needs to convert to being a Muslim first since Muslim women aren't allowed to marry non-Muslim men. If he is already a Muslim, then great. You can get him to tell his parents that he wants to marry you. Your own parents won't turn him down if he asks for you hand in marriage, and if they do reject for some reason, then inform them that they need a legitimate reason to deny the marriage or else they are not allowed to deny it and you are allowed to get married. Your marriage isn't valid right now (legally and Islamically) so you need to get that sorted out. Whatever you do though, don't listen to these people telling you to leave permanently. That is a foolish and cowardly thing to do. Your parents raised you for 21 years, and even if you think they are being strict on you, they still provided you with everything. Your parents may not want you to move too far out because they care about you and always want to be with you (which there is nothing wrong with). It's just a university. I never got into the uni I wanted, but instead of complaining I told myself to stop moaning and get on with it, and it has turned out to be one of the greatest things to have happened to me. Everything happens for a reason.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by Nazmin786

I’m a 21yr old Muslim. I’m at university atm. I wasn’t allowed to travel too far or move out for uni so was forced to choose the closest one which I hate. I’ve been with my partner for 3 years now whose half white and we’re actually secretly engaged!! We’re in a long distance relationship so we don’t get too see each other much. Maybe once every three months. I need to get away. I feel like I’m living a double life. I’m always living in fear and paranoia that I’ll get caught out. I’m not the real me at home. I was born and raised in England but the Muslim culture just gets forced down my throat. It’s making me miserable and having to live this life is ****ing with my mental health. I need help to see him for the weekend. The only way they might possibly let me be away for home for a weekend is for a study trip so can anybody help me with this please? What can I say?

it's truly disgusting how you are forced to go to a certain uni for no reason...literally the only reason i can think of is due to yout strict muslim parents..imagine all the other stuff you could have done if it weren't for islam... smh. and I'm talking about general good stuff like living away from your parents and learning to live on your own without some puppet masters messing with youtubers. makes me sick...

Reply 11

Nazmin786

OP

7

I know but I think it’s more so culture than Islam. There’s plenty of Muslim parents I know that aren’t like this. It’s just culture. It’s all about control

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Before you even think about getting away, you first need to think about if it is really worth it. You said you were engaged so you have to inform him that he needs to convert to being a Muslim first since Muslim women aren't allowed to marry non-Muslim men. If he is already a Muslim, then great. You can get him to tell his parents that he wants to marry you. Your own parents won't turn him down if he asks for you hand in marriage, and if they do reject for some reason, then inform them that they need a legitimate reason to deny the marriage or else they are not allowed to deny it and you are allowed to get married. Your marriage isn't valid right now (legally and Islamically) so you need to get that sorted out. Whatever you do though, don't listen to these people telling you to leave permanently. That is a foolish and cowardly thing to do. Your parents raised you for 21 years, and even if you think they are being strict on you, they still provided you with everything. Your parents may not want you to move too far out because they care about you and always want to be with you (which there is nothing wrong with). It's just a university. I never got into the uni I wanted, but instead of complaining I told myself to stop moaning and get on with it, and it has turned out to be one of the greatest things to have happened to me. Everything happens for a reason.

No it doesn't what are you saying! This is terrible advice, asking her bf to convert to a Muslim when he might not want to, and staying with her *****y parents just because they raised her so far? Please dont listen to this person, plus you're gonna have to move out eventually and how far you decide to go is completely your decision. Just know that however much you're struggling it won't be permanent, unless you take the advice of people like this ...

Reply 13

sabi-xy

1

I feel like this only works with boys. For girls it will not be the same.

Strict Muslims parents. No freedom. Need help to get away!!

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