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I don't like being gay (It's not I'm ashamed)

Hey

I don't like being gay. But please read! It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am, or I'm afraid of what people think. I think everyone deserves to be happy.

It's just I'm finding it so hard to get into a relationship. So many guys just seem to want one thing. I know sex comes into everything with relationships, but I want the getting to know you/dating/relationship side to things too. I guess I'm a soppy-ish person, but I can't really help that. I just want someone I can go on nice dates with... meals out, cinema, chilling on a sofa, cycling (I love it), days out...

The first "boyfriend" I had... every time I got into his car, he would kiss me and about a minute later, he'd have his hands going down my trousers. I just hated it. Why would someone do that straight away?

The second... who I came out for, and told family about... I thought he was "the one". I met his family, we did all the cute dating stuff, we held hands in public (one old lady came over to us once to say how nice and happy we looked), but, after almost 2 months, he ended it saying he "didn't want a relationship" and he wanted "fun".

I just want to be happy and with someone. Like I said above, I know sex comes into it, but why are guys so obsessed with it? I wish I was straight. I wish I could just like women. It just seems to be a thing with gay guys.

Am I just too soppy and things? Am I going to be alone forever? :frown:
It's the issue with so many guys regardless of their sexuality. The vast majority are interested in sex and have very little care towards the rest of it. One of my male friends (who is also gay) is like the guys you've described. You'll find someone when hormones settle.
Original post by xEmilyxx
It's the issue with so many guys regardless of their sexuality. The vast majority are interested in sex and have very little care towards the rest of it. One of my male friends (who is also gay) is like the guys you've described. You'll find someone when hormones settle.


What do you mean? "When hormones settle"
I'm no expert but this does seem like a guy thing in general, at least from my experience with dating men and from what other friends (who date men) have told me. I have a few gay female friends and from what they've told me, women do seem like they are more interested in getting to know someone than just jumping straight into sex (of course not every single women but compared to men in general).
There's no reason at all why you should keep the same sexual orientation all your life.

If homosexuality isn't working for you, try heterosexuality or bisexuality. If you try them and decide you prefer homosexuality after all, then at least you'll have a more experienced perspective on it.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
There's no reason at all why you should keep the same sexual orientation all your life.

If homosexuality isn't working for you, try heterosexuality or bisexuality. If you try them and decide you prefer homosexuality after all, then at least you'll have a more experienced perspective on it.


But I only like men "in that way". I can't pretend to be someone I'm not?
Reply 6
Avatar for ditnu1
ditnu1
4
Well that is just common with people. Eventually you will find somebody who isn't like that. It's not a gay thing, it's just a thing with some people.

But ultimately, without getting too philosophical, whether you like it or not is your choice. You can get unhappy and frustrated, or you can accept that it's simply the world that has been presented before you. If this stuff happens, well, what can you do?

The good news is that it's not impossible to find others like you, since you exist, it's likely there are more like you also. Just hope to find them. :smile:
Original post by 2scotty
What do you mean? "When hormones settle"

When they reach mid twenties, possibly later depending on individuals.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
There's no reason at all why you should keep the same sexual orientation all your life.

If homosexuality isn't working for you, try heterosexuality or bisexuality. If you try them and decide you prefer homosexuality after all, then at least you'll have a more experienced perspective on it.

Uhm mate do you know how sexuality works? People can't choose who they find attractive, it isn't a choice. A homosexual male who "chooses" to be heterosexual will probably end up depressed for the rest of their life.
Original post by 2scotty
But I only like men "in that way". I can't pretend to be someone I'm not?
Well in that case you'll just have to accept the rough with the smooth.

There's nothing you can do to change the whole social conditioning of gay men - in general - to make them more like heterosexual women in terms of wanting to settle into long term romantic relationships.

It's like you complaining about the cool wet weather in the UK, whilst saying you don't want to move to move somewhere warmer and dryer because you like fish and chips and pubs too much.
Original post by 2scotty
Hey

I don't like being gay. But please read! It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am, or I'm afraid of what people think. I think everyone deserves to be happy.

It's just I'm finding it so hard to get into a relationship. So many guys just seem to want one thing. I know sex comes into everything with relationships, but I want the getting to know you/dating/relationship side to things too. I guess I'm a soppy-ish person, but I can't really help that. I just want someone I can go on nice dates with... meals out, cinema, chilling on a sofa, cycling (I love it), days out...

The first "boyfriend" I had... every time I got into his car, he would kiss me and about a minute later, he'd have his hands going down my trousers. I just hated it. Why would someone do that straight away?

The second... who I came out for, and told family about... I thought he was "the one". I met his family, we did all the cute dating stuff, we held hands in public (one old lady came over to us once to say how nice and happy we looked), but, after almost 2 months, he ended it saying he "didn't want a relationship" and he wanted "fun".

I just want to be happy and with someone. Like I said above, I know sex comes into it, but why are guys so obsessed with it? I wish I was straight. I wish I could just like women. It just seems to be a thing with gay guys.

Am I just too soppy and things? Am I going to be alone forever? :frown:


I don't think your issue is with a specific group of guys( I mean regarding their sexuality) I just think that you still havent found the right person for you. honestly, Its never easy to find the right person, whether your gay or not. It just takes time.
Original post by Hali.Hassan
I don't think your issue is with a specific group of guys( I mean regarding their sexuality) I just think that you still havent found the right person for you. honestly, Its never easy to find the right person, whether your gay or not. It just takes time.


Thank you. I just hate being so lonely!
Original post by xEmilyxx
Uhm mate do you know how sexuality works? People can't choose who they find attractive, it isn't a choice. A homosexual male who "chooses" to be heterosexual will probably end up depressed for the rest of their life.
You don't think it's a choice. I do. It's a choice that very few people change, once they've made it. But it's still possible to change one's sexual orientation at any time in your life.

I'd change my sexual orientation in a heartbeat, if it suited me.
Original post by 2scotty
Thank you. I just hate being so lonely!


no worries🙂, I mean you'll always face that lonely phase in your life. Everyone does. you just gotta try and pick yourself up, you know. occupy yourself, build yourself and hopefully the right person will swing by.
Original post by Hali.Hassan
no worries🙂, I mean you'll always face that lonely phase in your life. Everyone does. you just gotta try and pick yourself up, you know. occupy yourself, build yourself and hopefully the right person will swing by.


Thank you :smile:
Haven't visited this forum in awhile. As a closeted individual from another side of the world who was (and still is!) just trying to find recommended calculators for the A Levels I couldn't help but notice your post.

It seems this is a global thing. It's sad. When everyone around you is so promiscuous and you're nothing like that.

I won't try to sugarcoat things for you, but let's hope we're not the only ones who think like this. It's hard but we have to stay true to ourselves/our values; maybe one day the universe will arrange something for us. :'(

Also try to be more "streetsmart" (not saying you aren't... but I'm just saying). Maybe you're hanging out/looking in the wrong places. Don't expect to find anything good on, say, Grindr. You know what I mean? :/
Original post by 2scotty
Thank you :smile:


your welcome
Reply 16
Avatar for alws
alws
18
Original post by 2scotty
Hey

I don't like being gay. But please read! It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am, or I'm afraid of what people think. I think everyone deserves to be happy.

It's just I'm finding it so hard to get into a relationship. So many guys just seem to want one thing. I know sex comes into everything with relationships, but I want the getting to know you/dating/relationship side to things too. I guess I'm a soppy-ish person, but I can't really help that. I just want someone I can go on nice dates with... meals out, cinema, chilling on a sofa, cycling (I love it), days out...

The first "boyfriend" I had... every time I got into his car, he would kiss me and about a minute later, he'd have his hands going down my trousers. I just hated it. Why would someone do that straight away?

The second... who I came out for, and told family about... I thought he was "the one". I met his family, we did all the cute dating stuff, we held hands in public (one old lady came over to us once to say how nice and happy we looked), but, after almost 2 months, he ended it saying he "didn't want a relationship" and he wanted "fun".

I just want to be happy and with someone. Like I said above, I know sex comes into it, but why are guys so obsessed with it? I wish I was straight. I wish I could just like women. It just seems to be a thing with gay guys.

Am I just too soppy and things? Am I going to be alone forever? :frown:

I feel exactly the same, it makes me happy to know other gay guys are going through the same (what appears to be quite a rare occurrence). All I want to say is that you should be proud of yourself and the fact you want a relationship on a deeper more emotional level .
Reply 17
Avatar for ANM775
ANM775
20
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
There's no reason at all why you should keep the same sexual orientation all your life.

If homosexuality isn't working for you, try heterosexuality or bisexuality. If you try them and decide you prefer homosexuality after all, then at least you'll have a more experienced perspective on it.


Original post by 2scotty
But I only like men "in that way". I can't pretend to be someone I'm not?




Your posts remind me of this classic lol..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqLuHB8vX_A

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