Advice, My Girlfriend Shows No Sex Drive

We have been dating for 10 months now and despite the fact that we havent had sex yet, we love each other, we talk, we comunicate honestly, we try not to fight, we hang out.

however I recently came to my attention that she does not seem to crave sex or at least dirty play on the bed or when we are alone. I respect a woman that is not turned on 24/7 but at least you expect some sexual attraction from each other and demostration so makes a relationship better.

She says that I am the love of her life and that the feels sexually attracted to me, emotionally and physically, but when ever we are alone and I start trying to reach for her sex drive with sensual kisses or touching her body, she just stays still like some kind of doll and does not corresponds to me, and that makes me feel horrible rejected and not valued.

I tryed to talk with her about this and try to find out if there is something wrong with me or her and she even cryed saying that she loves me and how she feels attracted very much to me, but she does not show this.

I love her and I respect her but this is starting to affect the confidence and stability of the relationship, and I am starting to drift away from her bacause of this.

Please advice. Thanks

Reply 1

username3527766

Is this her first long term relationship? Is she Asexual (absoutely 0 sex drive and doesnt fancy anyone sexually)? Why do you feel you need sex to make you feel loved (you dont, youre just young and it feels like thats the best way for someone to prove their love) ? She may well love you, but more like a brother. She may not realise that this is the case though if she hasnt had any other relationships. She may think that she is completely in love with you but her love might be more platonic.
I would think that if she is waiting for more of commitment from you (proposal of marriage or moving in together type commitment) before giving herself to you then she needs to tell you this is how it is. You need to ask her how she feels in a neutral environment without any pressure to feel she has to have sex. You will also need to prepare yourself for making a choice between staying with her in a sexless relationship or leaving her to pursue other avenues. In either case it would be absolutely wrong of you to try and pursuade her into sex. And do not tell her that 0 sex makes you feel unloved, rejected and unvalued. Its not about you, its about her feeling happy and confident and that she wants to give you the most precious thing she has. Edit: How old are you both. If she is under 16 or only just 16 you are absolutely wrong to expect a sexual relationship in any case.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 2

humancat

Do you have a nice ****?

Maybe she's asexual?

Maybe she has experienced some kind of abuse or inappropriate touching by someone in the past that she is not ready to disclose?

Reply 5

PhilBr

Original post by MadamePompadour

Thanks for reading.
We are both 24 now, and yes this is her first long term relationship, and by no means I need sex to feel loved, don’t get me wrong, But I gotta be honest to you when I tell you that I really enjoy sex and It was something good on previous relationships I had.

I talked with her about this matter and I suggested it as an option, but I’d never push her or force her into it

Thanks for your Advice and Answer :smile:

Reply 6

PhilBr

Original post by Aleks&lt

Maybe she's asexual?

I don’t know honestly, she says that she is not but I’m really trying to figure out what’s up with her...

Reply 7

PhilBr

Original post by tripplea

Maybe she has experienced some kind of abuse or inappropriate touching by someone in the past that she is not ready to disclose?

Thanks for your answer

Not at all, her family has been a little problematic with self-esteem but nothing to be worried about, I guarantee you she’s never been abused or any other kind of stuff.

Reply 8

Aleks<3

Have you ever asked her directly that you are ready to do *it*? If she's sexually attraction to you, maybe she's
a) waiting for you to make the first move
b) not ready yet

Reply 9

Amy06

I know for me I was very distant with my boyfriend at first and was always refusing sexual activity of any kind because my ex girlfriend had abused me, there are a number of reasons

Abuse, asexuality, lack of body confidence, scared of pain ect, scared of pregnancy,

You need to talk to her about it and without bringing the sex side into it just say you really want to know if there is any specific reason why she doesn't want to get intimate because you're worried and you love her.

Reply 10

tripplea

Original post by PhilBr

Thanks for your answer

Not at all, her family has been a little problematic with self-esteem but nothing to be worried about, I guarantee you she’s never been abused or any other kind of stuff.

Original post by PhilBr

Thanks for your answer

Not at all, her family has been a little problematic with self-esteem but nothing to be worried about, I guarantee you she’s never been abused or any other kind of stuff.

ok that's good to hear. In that case maybe shes just not ready yet but remember communication is key in all relationships so talk to her about how you are feeling.

Reply 11

PhilBr

@Elektra06

Thanks for your answer, she’s never faced any kind of abuse or that kinda of stuff, She’s shown scare of pregnancy but we talked about using protection and yet shes still showing this attitudes towards me.

Thanks

Reply 12

Helium2

Has she tried some female viagra? Obviously give it to her with consent.