Autistic brother is so annoying.

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(edited 2 years ago)

From my experience with volunteering with people with autism there are a few main things that people don't often understand.

1) There's Asperger's / high functioning autism e.g. Can learn more quickly to adapt to functioning in society, are able to interact with others fairly well, are able to do well in school etc, but socially are a bit 'off' - as it takes them longer to learn social stuff, tend to be high anxiety and depression etc, but generally ones who will go off to uni etc.

2) Kanner's autism - low functioning, hyper or hypo sensory (either freak out and have meltdowns with any noise, light, smell, taste, touch that is too much for them as they 'over feel' everything - or hypo where they are sensory seeking - they typical thing is they flap their arms a lot, love those spinning toys, flashing lights etc) - they are below the communication barrier most of the time e.g. they have no interest in anything other than themselves, no intent to communicate to socialise, they are content in their own little world, they behave as they want when they want. They might be able to talk but only to indicate wants / or needs at the highest end of spectrum. It's a totally different thing.

3) some children who have been mismanaged by their parents and exhibit some of the less socially acceptable behaviours being classed as autistic, but if with a diagnostician, do not exhibit parts of the DSMV that would actually determine them as autistic - aka kids with no boundaries and rules that were not told no, rule the roost and parents want an 'excuse' to the behaviour - really more common than you'd expect, its scary.

Sounds like OP's brother is Kanner's and needs sensory stimulation... stimming behaviours include obsessions such as watching water swirl down the drain - eg. pouring drinks... it always is amazing to me that every kid I've met with Kanner's is obsessed with spinning - either themselves, toys in their hands, spinning lights, twirling pencils, spinning tops, any sort of repetitive motion really, roundabouts in the park etc because it stimulates the vestibular system (remember spinning in circles as a kid being fun? they don't seem to grow out of it)

a solution could be to give him a drinks bottle that looks like your one (already emptied) on the side to play with so you fill it with water and food dye to make it look the same, and he can pour away and everyone's happy.

Your mum needs to enforce better boundaries - autistic kids respond well to structure and routine e.g. visual timetables - the problem is if he's been in a habit of coming home, playing loud music, running around and yelling, this is his stimming and no one has stopped him, so in his world it's acceptable... but it your world its not.

Set up 'noisy time' so indicate to him 10 minutes of noisy time, 5 minutes left, 2 minutes left, 1 minute left - so the transition is less stressful too - some kids can't move from one activity to another well without a meltdown.

he will learn as he grows to self monitor a bit better but depending on severity, its more down to your poor mum and its hard work. she has to be super strict enforcing the rules and you need to help enforce them too. perhaps giving you a cupboard high up with your things in you could lock so your brother doesn't have access to it?

I hope it all went will with your exams.

Reply 62

asdfgjhjkl

And you're reply helped how? I mean do you think that the guy who made this selected the

Reply 63

asdfgjhjkl

Original post by thecatwithnohat

You cannot 'deal' with these 'problems', you learn to live alongside your brother and support him. It may be difficult yes, but he didn't choose to be this way.

Yes because he chose to have an autistic brother didnt he?

Reply 64

Tiger Rag

Original post by asdfgjhjkl

And you're reply helped how? I mean do you think that the guy who made this selected the

And you bumped up a 2 year old thread just to say that?

Reply 65

HELPALERT!

Always! My little brother is a pain, but i SMASHED my exams! Don't let him get in your way of what you want to do because he thinks he gets what he wants. Be how you want to be, and Live how you want to live, because your life is yours. not anyone else's!

Reply 66

Romanreborn707

Whoa I think instead of dealing with it, you need to disobey everyone and find a way to escape for the sake of your happiness, nothing matters but your life, god designed your brother to be an obstacle (god made us in his image) your success, irnogre your brother and Break free, dude enjoy your life cuz u should not let him break u

Reply 67

Romanreborn707

Original post by HELPALERT!

Thank u, all those other ppl who say support his brother are Breaking his life.

Reply 68

Hl8504

I have an autisic brother. I’m 14. My got a holiday job and this ***** of a brother keeps racing around our house. We’re not poor but the house is quite small and god damn he’s annoying. I just want to leave.

Reply 69

Hl8504

I get it. People don’t understand: they’re like HEy it’s not their fault it’s true but it’s hard it’s really hard I’m 14 for gods sake i cry everytime he gets supspended because I’m scared. He’s violent drugged up and many more I just.. I don’t know..I get you it’s hard af

Reply 70

Romanreborn707

Original post by thecatwithnohat

You cannot 'deal' with these 'problems', you learn to live alongside your brother and support him. It may be difficult yes, but he didn't choose to be this way.

No, he needs to leave.

Reply 71

Romanreborn707

Original post by thecatwithnohat

You cannot 'deal' with these 'problems', you learn to live alongside your brother and support him. It may be difficult yes, but he didn't choose to be this way.

No, he needs to leave.

Reply 72

Martinezrr

I have a autistic brother but I’m always mad at him and I’m all ways being mean to him when he doesn’t deserve it....I wanna be a better sister but I always end up being mean to him he loves playing old games like the old version of donkey kong and old version of Mario which I don’t like but today I read a lot of How to Be A Better Sibling to A Autistic Brother and it really helped I’m going to try my hardest to be kinder and it’s really good to finally say how I feel!Everyone asks what’s autism and I say it a developmental disorder of variable severity that is characterized by difficulty in social interaction and communication and by restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behavior and you shouldn’t not wanna be friends with him!Thx for reading this!

Reply 73

Anonymous #6

Original post by Anonymous

I never said I hated him for being autistic.

I didn't make this thread just to be critiqued for my opinion, there are many who feel the same way.

I just want some advice on how to deal with these problems, they're not things that I can just dismiss.

I completely understand this and myself have felt the same way. How I dealt with it was talking to people outside of my mum and dad who were more sympathetic to me. I think with time it got easier to deal with and as he grew up it wasn’t as bad. Now we are really close and get on so well :wink:

I don’t envy you.

Original post by Anonymous

You probably don't know how it feels if you don't have an autistic sibling.

1. He acts like a 2 year old, even though he's 8, screaming and throwing tantrums. Which is affecting my preparation for my A-level exams next week.

2. We can't even have nice foods in the house because it will make him hyper etc

3. I barely talk to my mother since she is busy dealing with his problems, as a result we argue often.

4. He doesn't show any love to anyone else except my mum, in his eyes we're just people who give him stuff whenever he wants it.

Any advice from people who have actually experienced this?

I’m autistic and I understand what you have to do is stop babying him if he wants something make him work for it

Reply 76

uDONT UNDERSTAND

I've also got. an autistic brother but my brother is a lot worse he can't have any social media due to him not been able to keep his mouth shut he non stop swears at my mum.He refuses to get a wash he threatens to call the police on my mum even when she's done nothing wrong he once went to school saying she hit him even though she never even touched him.Its like his goal is to push us to the limit.its even worse because I get so frustrated with him and sometimes I wanna hit him (obvs don't due to his issues) he is just so aggravating then my mum never grounds him from any of his accessories where as when I lash out I'm grounded for ages I'm just so fed up of this selfish twat living with me and if you don't have a brother like this you will never understand!

Reply 77

ta97

Have your parents considered placing the autistic child into care? whether it's for 5 days a week and the child comes home for the weekend or a more permanent stay. I know it's a very difficult decision to make, but this is also another option if things become tougher