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Gay Male Sex - Have A Question?
Hey!
I'm 23, gay, and male. I've been sexually active for eight years now and I've done a lot in that time. I've always been very open-minded and my friends always have so many questions about HOW it works and WHAT you do. Made me realise a lot of people don't know how to go about it or a lot of gay men are nervous and unsure how to go about stuff.
If you have questions ask away. I'll try to answer to the best of my ability and experience!
No shitposting though, I want this to be about educating people and helping others where I WISH I could have asked someone when I started!
I'm 23, gay, and male. I've been sexually active for eight years now and I've done a lot in that time. I've always been very open-minded and my friends always have so many questions about HOW it works and WHAT you do. Made me realise a lot of people don't know how to go about it or a lot of gay men are nervous and unsure how to go about stuff.
If you have questions ask away. I'll try to answer to the best of my ability and experience!
No shitposting though, I want this to be about educating people and helping others where I WISH I could have asked someone when I started!
Scroll to see replies
Also welcome questions from people who are just curious, as long as it's genuinely out of curiosity and friendly!
Ok I'll ask.
My BF recently told me that when he was younger he fooled around with another boy. He says he did it once because he was curious. He says he enjoyed it but didn't do it again. Is this how things started out for you. What did you do sexually with a boy to know that you were gay?
My BF recently told me that when he was younger he fooled around with another boy. He says he did it once because he was curious. He says he enjoyed it but didn't do it again. Is this how things started out for you. What did you do sexually with a boy to know that you were gay?
Original post by Antonia1999
Ok I'll ask.
My BF recently told me that when he was younger he fooled around with another boy. He says he did it once because he was curious. He says he enjoyed it but didn't do it again. Is this how things started out for you. What did you do sexually with a boy to know that you were gay?
My BF recently told me that when he was younger he fooled around with another boy. He says he did it once because he was curious. He says he enjoyed it but didn't do it again. Is this how things started out for you. What did you do sexually with a boy to know that you were gay?
My whole sexual experience with guys began when I was young and me and my friend used to fool around (loser of a game had to do stuff etc). Weirdly, it was never viewed by us as 'gay' but we were pretty young.
Fast forward several years I slowly realised I was gay. I realised from watching porn, talking on forums, and eventually Grindr (that's a dark dark place, trust me).
What I would say about your boyfriend is that I have met multiple guys who identify as straight, who admit to having enjoyed messing around with a guy, but don't have an interest in it and identify as straight and choose women over men. Just because you didn't have a negative experience with a someone of the same sex doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. I would say that sexual orientation labels are dangerous because a lot of the time it can be misunderstood. I have a friend who enjoys sex with men and women, but isn't romantically attracted to men. It's complicated and messy.
Most men have had experiences with the same sex (from my experience of talking to people), and this shouldn't change how you view them.
Now, the question I think you're asking is 'should I be worried my boyfriend is gay?'' and if I'm wrong I'm sorry. If I'm right, however, I wouldn't worry. if he's comfortable telling you about his past and he's been with you and has showed no interest otherwise it shouldn't be a problem. Even if he realised he would label himself bisexual, I still wouldn't worry. We're all unique and complicated in our own ways, but that doesn't lessen the value we place in our relationships with others. I have multiple bisexual friends in strong long-term relationships. I myself dated a bisexual man for several years and it never affected our relationship.
All in all, I don't think you have anything to worry about, and even if he decided he was bisexual that is no reason for it to harm your relationship. In many ways, it might make it stronger. Don't worry about it. We have all explored or will explore our sexually at some point.
If you have any further questions ask away! I hope I didn't misunderstand your question.
^ Apologies for typos. I typed that on my phone and there is, unfortunately, no edit function on anonymous posts!
Wow. Thanks for a great reply. You have really put my mind at ease now. I was worried that he might be secrectly gay but not anymore.
I never thought as him doing stuff with another boy as curious and just for pleasure while not being attracted to guys. It puts a very different view on things.
I never thought as him doing stuff with another boy as curious and just for pleasure while not being attracted to guys. It puts a very different view on things.
Original post by Antonia1999
Wow. Thanks for a great reply. You have really put my mind at ease now. I was worried that he might be secrectly gay but not anymore.
I never thought as him doing stuff with another boy as curious and just for pleasure while not being attracted to guys. It puts a very different view on things.
I never thought as him doing stuff with another boy as curious and just for pleasure while not being attracted to guys. It puts a very different view on things.
I'm glad I could help! Like I said, sexuality is incredibly complicated and it's why labels such as 'straight, gay, bisexual, a-sexual, bisexual with female or male preference' etc. So many men (and women!) have experimented and will experiment with their sexuality. No reason to label them because of it.
On a final note, I'm impressed your boyfriend was comfortable with you enough to discuss it. If I were you I would see that as positive and encouraging!
For Readers:
I am also happy to answer more sexually detailed questions or anything as long as it's out of curiosity/interest/learning. For this reason I am maintaining anonymous (dirty laundry and such!).
Original post by Anonymous
Most men have had experiences with the same sex (from my experience of talking to people), and this shouldn't change how you view them.
Well, I dont know what people you have been talking to but I would say most guys have not had experiences with the same sex, even the curious guys. Since you are part of the gay community maybe your thinking is biased in assuming there a larger unspoken LBGT community.
I am not judging you, just stating the obvious that most guys prefer girls.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Allieprx
Well, I dont know what people you have been talking to but I would say most guys have not had experiences with the same sex, even the curious guys. Since you are part of the gay community maybe your thinking is biased in assuming there a larger unspoken LBGT community.
I am not judging you, just stating the obvious that most guys prefer girls.
I am not judging you, just stating the obvious that most guys prefer girls.
I can appreciate that point. I admit I am likely to suffer from observational bias,, I would be wrong to declare what I know and see as absolute truth. I would say, however, that many straight men I talk to are more willing to express that they experimented once before, perhaps at a young age, exactly because I'm gay and they know they won't feel judged.
I'm not declaring that people who have experimented with the same sex are automatically interested in men. Merely that a lot do it and determine that they prefer women, or they like both or prefer only women, or even some only men.
Just because people experiment doesn't make them a member of the LGBT community or an 'unspoken LGBT community'. Many straight men have experimented in past. This is quite common a trend among straight men I speak to. I believe Essex University have also developed research on experimentation as some point (however, as I don't have the report I can't cite it. I recognise this is an unsupported citation).
All in all, I can't speak for all straight men. Merely state that many of the straight males I speak to have experimented in one way or the other.
Original post by Allieprx
Well, I dont know what people you have been talking to but I would say most guys have not had experiences with the same sex, even the curious guys. Since you are part of the gay community maybe your thinking is biased in assuming there a larger unspoken LBGT community.
I am not judging you, just stating the obvious that most guys prefer girls.
I am not judging you, just stating the obvious that most guys prefer girls.
I thought the same thing but since talking with my bf I am starting to see thing differently.
Original post by Anonymous
On a final note, I'm impressed your boyfriend was comfortable with you enough to discuss it. If I were you I would see that as positive and encouraging!
On a final note, I'm impressed your boyfriend was comfortable with you enough to discuss it. If I were you I would see that as positive and encouraging!
Yeah we are learning to be more open every day. He is a great guy. We were just playing a bit of truth or dare and asked what was the most extreme sexual thing we had done. He said that he had even been with another guy. To my surprise he said yes. He told that he had once played round with a friend of his. I know his friend too and he is not gay. They had played with each other penises and mutual masturbation. Later on they gave each other blow jobs. He said he was very excited and nervous too but he was turned on. I asked him why he did it. He said that he was curious to see and feel another penis. I thought it really odd but I was somewhat turned on by his talk but later I got worried. I feel much better now though.
Original post by Antonia1999
Yeah we are learning to be more open every day. He is a great guy. We were just playing a bit of truth or dare and asked what was the most extreme sexual thing we had done. He said that he had even been with another guy. To my surprise he said yes. He told that he had once played round with a friend of his. I know his friend too and he is not gay. They had played with each other penises and mutual masturbation. Later on they gave each other blow jobs. He said he was very excited and nervous too but he was turned on. I asked him why he did it. He said that he was curious to see and feel another penis. I thought it really odd but I was somewhat turned on by his talk but later I got worried. I feel much better now though.
I'm glad to hear it! We have a bad habit in our society to see sexuality as binary or even trinary (bisexualism) and this often results in men feeling obligated to stay silent if they have experimented with another male in the past. Like I said before, I imagine many openly speak to me about it because they know there is no judgement (and I'm pretty well known in our groups for being a very open person, sometimes to a fault!!!).
I'm glad my answer was able to put you more at ease though!
Original post by Anonymous
Hey!
I'm 23, gay, and male. I've been sexually active for eight years now and I've done a lot in that time. I've always been very open-minded and my friends always have so many questions about HOW it works and WHAT you do. Made me realise a lot of people don't know how to go about it or a lot of gay men are nervous and unsure how to go about stuff.
If you have questions ask away. I'll try to answer to the best of my ability and experience!
No shitposting though, I want this to be about educating people and helping others where I WISH I could have asked someone when I started!
I'm 23, gay, and male. I've been sexually active for eight years now and I've done a lot in that time. I've always been very open-minded and my friends always have so many questions about HOW it works and WHAT you do. Made me realise a lot of people don't know how to go about it or a lot of gay men are nervous and unsure how to go about stuff.
If you have questions ask away. I'll try to answer to the best of my ability and experience!
No shitposting though, I want this to be about educating people and helping others where I WISH I could have asked someone when I started!
I am gay and I really want sex with a man,is this usual? Also, if u want a boyfriend how do I find one? I can't just ask are you gay?
Original post by Quiet19
I am gay and I really want sex with a man,is this usual? Also, if u want a boyfriend how do I find one? I can't just ask are you gay?
yea it's pretty normal. I realised I was attracted to men very early on. Some people are just attracted to the same gender. It's perfectly normal!
The issue over boyfriends and finding out if someone is gay can be tricky. Often, it can be difficult if you're not out. I met my ex through mutual friends. I also found that it was a lot easier at University because there is more of a community and it's usually a very welcoming friendly environment to come out in.
There are apps to meet other gay men, including Tinder. There is also Grindr, although this focuses heavily on sexual meet-ups and less dating. After a while, you'll kinda get a feel for it. It's pretty intimidating to start, but it's honestly fine when you get used to it!
Happy to answer any more questions you have! (even the more technical sexual ones!)
That's an unusual question which I haven't thought of before...
Let me put it like this:
When I'm with a male which I am attracted to I find that their scent tends to be very quickly associated with sex and masculinity. I also associate male 'musk' with cuddling, sex, working out etc. So it's very likely it's the male pheromones that do this for me.
Women I find smell pretty good too! Though, at no point does the scent make me want to cuddle, get closer to, have sex with, etc.
For me, scent plays a big role in bonding. There's nothing better than laying on a guys chest or another guy laying on your chest and being able to feel, smell, and just really lose yourself in it.
Weird answer, but that's how I feel about it from the top of my head.
Anymore questions? Happy to answer pretty much anything (hence the animosity!).
Let me put it like this:
When I'm with a male which I am attracted to I find that their scent tends to be very quickly associated with sex and masculinity. I also associate male 'musk' with cuddling, sex, working out etc. So it's very likely it's the male pheromones that do this for me.
Women I find smell pretty good too! Though, at no point does the scent make me want to cuddle, get closer to, have sex with, etc.
For me, scent plays a big role in bonding. There's nothing better than laying on a guys chest or another guy laying on your chest and being able to feel, smell, and just really lose yourself in it.
Weird answer, but that's how I feel about it from the top of my head.
Anymore questions? Happy to answer pretty much anything (hence the animosity!).
Original post by Anonymous
yea it's pretty normal. I realised I was attracted to men very early on. Some people are just attracted to the same gender. It's perfectly normal!
The issue over boyfriends and finding out if someone is gay can be tricky. Often, it can be difficult if you're not out. I met my ex through mutual friends. I also found that it was a lot easier at University because there is more of a community and it's usually a very welcoming friendly environment to come out in.
There are apps to meet other gay men, including Tinder. There is also Grindr, although this focuses heavily on sexual meet-ups and less dating. After a while, you'll kinda get a feel for it. It's pretty intimidating to start, but it's honestly fine when you get used to it!
Happy to answer any more questions you have! (even the more technical
The issue over boyfriends and finding out if someone is gay can be tricky. Often, it can be difficult if you're not out. I met my ex through mutual friends. I also found that it was a lot easier at University because there is more of a community and it's usually a very welcoming friendly environment to come out in.
There are apps to meet other gay men, including Tinder. There is also Grindr, although this focuses heavily on sexual meet-ups and less dating. After a while, you'll kinda get a feel for it. It's pretty intimidating to start, but it's honestly fine when you get used to it!
Happy to answer any more questions you have! (even the more technical
What does it feel like to have gay sex? Do u stand or lie down when you have sex? do you rub each other's penis?What is frotting?
is a gay man attracted to lots of men?What about you, have you ever had sex with another man before?
How do I know if I are gay?
Original post by Anonymous
What does it feel like to have gay sex? Do u stand or lie down when you have sex? do you rub each other's penis?What is frotting?
Haha that's a pretty wide question! I'd say that gay sex, like straight sex (I imagine!), is pretty enjoyable.
So, what many would think of as the 'main act' of sex between two men is anal sex, the same as vaginal sex would be viewed as the 'main act' for straight sex. You can do this laying down on your front, on all fours, on your back legs around your partner's hips or shoulders, standing up, against a wall, in a jacuzzi or bath (recommended!), or even in a shower. There are so many positions. It's also possible for the male being penetrated (receiving) to be on top and 'ride' the other male. Like with all anal sex, preparation is important. So lots of lube, fingering/toys and to help the receiver adjust so that it's pleasurable to be ****ed not painful.
Other acts include anilingus (rimjobs), blowjobs, anal penetration (with a penis or dildo etc), and much more. Frotting is when to men press their penises together and one of them jerks off both of them at the same time.
Gay sex, like straight sex, is incredibly diverse and pretty damn amazing. Does that answer your question?
Original post by Anonymous
How do I know if I are gay?
This is a tricky one. What I would say is that, at the heart of it, you are sexually attracted to males. Orientation is more than just 'gay' and 'straight'. It is possible to like both males and females (bisexual) and in between. Sexuality is more of a scale than a series of labels or binaries.
Funnily enough, I only made the connection that I was 'gay' several years after I had been masturbating to gay porn and had messed around with a few boys my age early on. Really, it's about what you find sexually appealing, but also, whether you find yourself imagining romantic relationships with men as well.
I think the quick answer is, it isn't easy! It's why a lot of males experiment. Don't be scared though, ever since I came out and recognised who I am I have been the happiest I've ever been. That and meaningful relationships with someone I actually am attracted.
Did that answer your question?
I'm happy to answer any questions as long as they aren't derogatory or malicious. Ask me anything!
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