How can gay guys cope with having crushes? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 months ago
#1
There is a guy in my year at school who I have had a crush on for a while. I've barely seen him this year but every time I do, I have immense feelings for him. Not really sure if he is gay.

How can I cope with having this crush? And the same goes throughout my life with any crushes on straight guys.
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iseesparksfly
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
There is a guy in my year at school who I have had a crush on for a while. I've barely seen him this year but every time I do, I have immense feelings for him. Not really sure if he is gay.

How can I cope with having this crush? And the same goes throughout my life with any crushes on straight guys.
Accept that if he's straight he won't change and sadly you won't date, but you'll have plenty of other crushes on actual gay guys in the future, so in the long term it's nothing to fret about.

Throughout your life, you definitely will have crushes on straight guys. It sucks, but it's statistically more probable. However, again there are plenty of gay guys who are fabulous and will be better for you. Straight people can be mean when it comes to LGBT things anyway, they have much less understanding so it's just easier to take more of an interest in gay guys.

So, yeah. Don't be too disheartened if he's straight. Things will be fine
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
There is a guy in my year at school who I have had a crush on for a while. I've barely seen him this year but every time I do, I have immense feelings for him. Not really sure if he is gay.

How can I cope with having this crush? And the same goes throughout my life with any crushes on straight guys.

This hits home, like closer than I'd like to admit!

I had (and still kinda do still have a crush) on the same guy for 4 years now. It never subsided despite me telling myself so and yeah I even though I had atsthma because I just couldn't breathe anytime I came near or had a conversation with him.

The things it, for me at least, I understand that I can't obviously be with them unless they're gay, so all that's left is the friends option. And despite me thinking that love "can never subside to friendship" as Lord Byrone puts it, the more friendly I became with (which we became alot better friends this year) the more I got to know him and see his flaws and be less able to glorify him in the usual crush glory. Of course I still think he's amazing and handsome, but I'm not clinging to my heartstrings every time he's in a mile radius, because the closer we've got friendship wise has made me accept things and be happy with the fact that I get to talk and see such a great human being. My advice therefore, is that even though your crush may not seem mutual, you can still develop a friendship and hey maybe things will turn out - you never know until you try.

the best thing to do is to have no expectations, but just to try and talk to them more and see if you can create a less one sided relationship. These feelings really suck because not only have you got to get past the whole "do they like you" you need to actually know what their sexuality is. But of course people are fluid and maybe they don't even know themselves - but that's not your job to decide for them, but you can still be there if it happens.

In terms of coping? I tend to write my feelings down, of course keep it secret (oh the cringe that would ensue if my friends saw it!) because it offers a way for you to not keep things inside without them getting to anyone that could hurt you in return. If you really do like this person, it is your job to try and initiate (though how hard it bloody seems) a better relationship somehow and just appreciate that fact that you've been given such a person, rather than seeing it in a more self-deprecating "it's unfair" light - because that's how I used to view it and it got me no where.

It really sucks, it's sucked for a long time and it will continue to suck, but if you really try then maybe you can find that you two are compatible, whether with love or friendship. You may find out, as you develop more information about him, that you don't actually like the sides of him you didn't know before, and maybe the feelings will be reduced and you'll be able to cope with it then. And so things may eventually suck a lot less when either the feelings are more managable (as you're given a nice friendship) or they diminish because of new things that you've learnt

It's all up to you in terms of your attitude towards the case, but it is unfortunately no ones knowledge of who they can be with and whether they like you (or your sex) back.

Good luck with it all,
all the best





(I just realised I said "suck" three times in this inappropriate context I'm so sorry it was unintentional XD)
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Anonymous #1
#4
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Will I ever feel the same about a guy again? It's not just a crush, it is his entire personality and the fine details as well.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Will I ever feel the same about a guy again? It's not just a crush, it is his entire personality and the fine details as well.
The only thing I can recommend is = keep yourself busy with gay men instead. Should distract you a little bit.
To answer your question - YES. You will, 100%, but it will take some time for you to get over him.
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fallen_acorns
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I would say its easier.

If your a straight guy, the only way to find out if a girl likes you - is to risk personal rejection/humiliation..
But if your a gay guy, crushing on other guys who may not be gay - at least you can find out if its possible without the personal humiliation. You just ask if they are gay - in some casual way.. they have no idea you like them.. so sure you have to deal with not being able to be with them (same as the straight guys) but you don't have to face the personal rejection.

Yes you will get over him. The world would have ended if people could never get over their first crush. By the time your in your late 20s or so, your first crush is barely a memory..
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Ciel.
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(Original post by fallen_acorns)
I would say its easier.

If your a straight guy, the only way to find out if a girl likes you - is to risk personal rejection/humiliation..
But if your a gay guy, crushing on other guys who may not be gay - at least you can find out if its possible without the personal humiliation. You just ask if they are gay - in some casual way.. they have no idea you like them.. so sure you have to deal with not being able to be with them (same as the straight guys) but you don't have to face the personal rejection.

Yes you will get over him. The world would have ended if people could never get over their first crush. By the time your in your late 20s or so, your first crush is barely a memory..
This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read. You do realise that gay guys aren't all automatically attracted to another gay guy? So even if the person is gay, they still 'risk rejection'.
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fallen_acorns
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(Original post by Ciel.)
This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read. You do realise that gay guys aren't all automatically attracted to another gay guy? So even if the person is gay, they still 'risk rejection'.
That's because you can't read.

I didn't say they were only attracted to gay guys, I said that they didn't risk rejection when asking out straight guys.

And they don't - if your gay, and you wan't to know if another guy is gay, you don't have to risk any rejection at all. All you have to risk is disapointment.

So you go to the guy who your not sure is gay or not.. and you ask (in some normal way) whether he is gay or not... what's he going to say? He doesn't know you like him... so he is not REJECTING you... you face no rejection or humilation or embarassment.. all he will say is some form of 'yes I am gay, or no I am not gay' - neither answer is about you.. so neither is a rejection. One is a big disapointment sure.. but not the same as being turned down.

The only way that doesn't apply, is if you go to the guy and say " I like you, are you gay?" - but why would you say you like them before finding out? It would be hugely stupid to do so.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by fallen_acorns)
That's because you can't read.

I didn't say they were only attracted to gay guys, I said that they didn't risk rejection when asking out straight guys.

And they don't - if your gay, and you wan't to know if another guy is gay, you don't have to risk any rejection at all. All you have to risk is disapointment.

So you go to the guy who your not sure is gay or not.. and you ask (in some normal way) whether he is gay or not... what's he going to say? He doesn't know you like him... so he is not REJECTING you... you face no rejection or humilation or embarassment.. all he will say is some form of 'yes I am gay, or no I am not gay' - neither answer is about you.. so neither is a rejection. One is a big disapointment sure.. but not the same as being turned down.

The only way that doesn't apply, is if you go to the guy and say " I like you, are you gay?" - but why would you say you like them before finding out? It would be hugely stupid to do so.
You are missing the point. They still risk rejection with bi/gay guys so saying that gay people have it easier is stupid.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ciel.)
The only thing I can recommend is = keep yourself busy with gay men instead. Should distract you a little bit.
To answer your question - YES. You will, 100%, but it will take some time for you to get over him.
I don't have any gay men around me. Since I'm still at school, it's hard to meet any.

Do you think it is harder to get over him as he is my first crush?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by fallen_acorns)
I would say its easier.

If your a straight guy, the only way to find out if a girl likes you - is to risk personal rejection/humiliation..
But if your a gay guy, crushing on other guys who may not be gay - at least you can find out if its possible without the personal humiliation. You just ask if they are gay - in some casual way.. they have no idea you like them.. so sure you have to deal with not being able to be with them (same as the straight guys) but you don't have to face the personal rejection.

Yes you will get over him. The world would have ended if people could never get over their first crush. By the time your in your late 20s or so, your first crush is barely a memory..
I don't think much gay guys would ask if another guy is gay. That can go badly. The only time you can truly know they are straight is if they have a girlfriend. I do get your point, but the disappointment is the same for gay guys and straight guys when the crush doesn't have the same feelings for them.
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modifiedgenes
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I am not gay but I would expect gay guys to cope with crushes in the same way that I and other heterosexual men cope with crushes: you just have to wear it and bear it. In my experience, in 99.99% of cases the subject of your crush is not remotely interested in any possible advance you may make. However, having had success with the 00.01% that did respond in a favourable manner, I can tell you, with no equivocation, that the sweetness of that fruit, once tasted, made up for the missing 99.99% tenfold. I am convinced it is an experience one should only ever get to experience once in their lifetime.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't have any gay men around me. Since I'm still at school, it's hard to meet any.

Do you think it is harder to get over him as he is my first crush?
It's harder for you mostly because he's constantly around you, ie. you are still in the same school
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