English Lang P1 Q5 HELP!!

So I wrote a description and I was wondering if there are any ways to improve it because i don't really like the way I ended it but I don't know what to do with it??

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Pale rays of moonlight penetrated the grimy windows, reflected off the delicate shards of glass that scattered across the dusty floor. The room was vast and chaotic in a way that was still, devoid of movement and lacking life. Ruins acted as evidence of what the room once used to be. Acted, because it wasn’t. The upturned chair was not what the room once was, nor was the splinted wood or the damaged doors. Wallpaper curled up where it was peeling, home to the likes of mould and pungent smells of damp grass.

In the centre of the grand hall lay the melancholy corpse of a piano. Piano keys adorned the marble floors like dusty, old jewels and the wooden panels of the instrument clung desperately onto the rest of the body as if for dear life – ironic really, since it seems to be lacking such a thing. However, despite the ivories’ fate, it was once a magnificent beast, vibrant with the voice of a bass as well as a harmonious tenor.

Ghostly fingers traced the deep, mahogany wood, creating clear paths towards the instrument’s cold beauty. Slowly, the sturdy legs began to rise, carrying the piano itself upright and the keys fluttered gently into place as if on cue. People started filing in until the room was teeming with bodies; young and old alike. Slender fingers danced honey-slow over the ebony and ivory, toying with them, a mesmerising tune for all to hear. The atmosphere was buzzing with pulsating energy, igniting everyone with life; an untameable fire, burning with gluttony.

This is how the place once used to be. Vivacious and vivid, buzzing with existence.

Suddenly, all movement halted. For a moment it was as if though the world was reluctant to move and let go. After all, it is not so simple to give up a craving once you have had a taste. The people were frozen in time, the icy hands of the clock stealing life as the bodies grew limp and disintegrated into the air around them.

Outside, the sun met the horizon as the moon faded away into the blue canvas of infinite abyss, blushing pink. A flicker of wavering sunlight filtered through the lacy blinds, casting shadows over the room. This time, the padded chair was once again in the corner and the piano lay despondent in the centre of the room, steadily falling apart.

A corpse. That’s what the room was – the hollow skeleton of something that used to be.

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constructive criticism is hugely appreciated! thank you <3

Reply 1

RazzzBerries

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I actually love it. SLiGhtLy jealoUs. <3

Reply 2

annlaju

Original post by RazzzBerries

I actually love it. SLiGhtLy jealoUs. <3

thank u so much!

Reply 3

RazzzBerries

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Original post by annlaju

thank u so much!

Did it get marked?

Reply 4

annlaju

Original post by RazzzBerries

Did it get marked?

yes actually! i got a level 4= which im pretty pleased with! sorry for the late reply, have been avoiding revision and therefore this site since my mocks ended

Reply 5

RazzzBerries

Chat Forum Helper

Original post by annlaju

yes actually! i got a level 4= which im pretty pleased with! sorry for the late reply, have been avoiding revision and therefore this site since my mocks ended