Bengali/Islamic marriage

Talk to your parents about what you want like are you ready to get married any time soon? To be honest, nowadays 24 is actually a pretty young age to get married.

Talk to your parents about what you want like are you ready to get married any time soon? To be honest, nowadays 24 is actually a pretty young age to get married. If you're financially stable though and mentally and physically ready then go for it but please talk to your parents about what kind of guy actually appeals to you. Also, whatever you do, don't go for anyone who just thinks for themself or has a criminal record or is unfaithful. A lot of people hide certain details. Best of luck.

OMG this might as well be written by me, I’m in the exact same situation! Although I really don’t want to get arranged cos most people in my family got arranged then divorced so I wanna find someone myself. It’s just difficult finding guys who are serious.

Talk to your parents about what you want like are you ready to get married any time soon? To be honest, nowadays 24 is actually a pretty young age to get married. If you're financially stable though and mentally and physically ready then go for it but please talk to your parents about what kind of guy actually appeals to you. Also, whatever you do, don't go for anyone who just thinks for themself or has a criminal record or is unfaithful. A lot of people hide certain details. Best of luck.

Don't be afraid of arranged marriages.

I imagine there would be a lot of negativity agasint them on a forum like this.

Just, make sure you are okay with who you are going to be with. Besides, as muslims, ONLY Allah knows. There never is certainty. If things don't work out, then's that';s just life. Learn from it and I wish you the best of luck.

Just being with someone you have never met in your life, don't know what they are like, how they are like - scares me.
'There never is certainty.' - That is what scares me and probably most people cause shaytan loves divorce, breakups etc. How do I find a person that will be suitable for me? Am I able to spend time with him with family/friends to see what he is like or is that haram?

Yeah, I'm in the same boat in the sense that I'd like to be at least somewhat financially stable before getting into marriage. I think just have a deep discussion about what you think is best for you but of course, listen to what your parents are saying too unless it sounds completely unreasonable such as 'you can just depend on your husband's money'. To be honest, this is the 21st century now a lot of girls are getting jobs and it's okay if you're unemployed now you can still get married and then later in life, find a secure job. I just think like buying/renting a house after marriage or contributing to the cost of the wedding are things to think about. I wouldn't think too much about this stuff anyway but if you are getting pressured then have a chat with them about it and make it clear what kind of man you're looking for. Also, I don't think it's that big of a problem if someone marries someone who is 'less' than them but I would consider someone with an actual education at least till college level because my priorities are more on his actual personality traits and his deen but I highly value education as well so I'd preferably want to be with someone who also values it. But that's just me.

I don't know what kind of arranged marriages those are (the ones you're describing sound more like forced marriages which is totally different) but the ones I've witnessed like my own sister and brother who both had their own arranged marriages actually met the person they were going to marry, read their CVs and have at least gotten to know them for a few/couple of months before the actual wedding took place. I also would prefer a love marriage over an arranged marriage mainly because I would like to get to know the person for at least two years before marrying them because with arranged marriages, there's sort of a time limit but you do get to know them but it varies how much between cultures and traditions I guess. With both, you still need to be cautious. There are a lot of dodgy people out there.

I really don’t wanna get arranged but I’m almost 24 and haven’t met anyone and my mum is DESPERATE for me to get married (cos she hates me lol not even joking) so I’m just feeling a lot of much pressure to marry a guy so I can move out and make her happy

Yes all mum's are different, some are laid back and some are just onto you for you to get married lol. Why don't you speak to her and tell her your not ready yet maybe and how you feel.

I don't know what kind of arranged marriages those are (the ones you're describing sound more like forced marriages which is totally different) but the ones I've witnessed like my own sister and brother who both had their own arranged marriages actually met the person they were going to marry, read their CVs and have at least gotten to know them for a few/couple of months before the actual wedding took place. I also would prefer a love marriage over an arranged marriage mainly because I would like to get to know the person for at least two years before marrying them because with arranged marriages, there's sort of a time limit but you do get to know them but it varies how much between cultures and traditions I guess. With both, you still need to be cautious. There are a lot of dodgy people out there.

That is true! Also, I have heard it's wrong to have girls (I don't know about boys) unmarried for too long, it becomes a sin for the parents which I don't want in sha allah. But money comes in the way of everything nowadays D: You need income and start your own life as well as standing on your own feet.

That sounds scary. I was searching for myself and thats why I am scared cause guys in general are going to be lovely at the beginning but once you know them its different. Same way how girls are to be honest.

Just being with someone you have never met in your life, don't know what they are like, how they are like - scares me.
'There never is certainty.' - That is what scares me and probably most people cause shaytan loves divorce, breakups etc. How do I find a person that will be suitable for me? Am I able to spend time with him with family/friends to see what he is like or is that haram?

AFAIK It only becomes a sin when you are in a position where you are able to get married but choose not to. If you can't get married because of the reasons you stated (such as not being financially stable, or can't find a suitable spouse) then I don't think it's a sin, as long as you're actively trying and do have the intention of marriage.



People assume that if it's an arranged marriage then you will know nothing about the person, but that's not true if done right. Whether you find someone of your own accord or have your parents find someone for you, there will be time for you to get to know the person they are so that you know what they are like.

Obviously you'd have someone with you at the time but it's not like you can't talk and get to know them. End of the day, they are the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with and raise children with insha'Allah.

The reason some parents are a bit more "urgent" with their daughters to get married is to prevent them from going down a sinful route, they feel like the longer they leave a girl unmarried the more likely she is to be tempted, so they would rather it done sooner than later because of the society we live in.

I honestly wouldn't worry about your own finances, if you're with a guy they're the one that's going to have to provide for you, so even if you don't like spending his money at the start of the marriage it will only be a few years until you empty his bank account and then some.

I know plenty of people that get married and while they're young, they live with the guys parents while they save up for a house in the future. It's probably the best way to go about things considering how house prices are now days, not to mention it allows for a lot more stability both financially and marriage wise.

Consider doing Tahajjud maybe?

You really think the student room is the best place for marriage advice