Original post by Ninja_R
If so, what do you think are the parameters and where do you draw the line?
- This question is regarding sexual acts.
- This question is regarding sexual acts.
I'm not sure how consent could be implied without there being some sort of recognisation there?!
If you mean non verbal consent , then of course.
"Duuh can I f*** you please"
Yeah that isn't a pathetic turn off at all. Sex is meant to be passionate, emotional. Not cold and sterile, like you're filling out a damn form. I swear we're going back to the days of puritanism... people always want to moan about something! Just enjoy each other. If you aren't autistic then you'll be able to read each other and know what the other wants... it isn't rocket science.
Yeah that isn't a pathetic turn off at all. Sex is meant to be passionate, emotional. Not cold and sterile, like you're filling out a damn form. I swear we're going back to the days of puritanism... people always want to moan about something! Just enjoy each other. If you aren't autistic then you'll be able to read each other and know what the other wants... it isn't rocket science.
Implied consent can apply where one party instigates sexual contact, the other party responds favourably and no verbal complaints or rejection occurs during the occasion of intimate contact from either party.
For example: in a club a girl starts dancing with a guy she has never seen before, she then kisses him and he kisses her back.
No words need be exchanged but consent is implied by mutual activity and positive reactions by both sides.
The problem comes when there is no verbal communication, too much reliance upon prior history and non verbal cues- significant risk of miscommunication.
This can be compounded by the consumption of a lot of alcohol, being star struck by a celebrity and not being able to verbally communicate in the same language without the aid of a translation app or interpreter.
Issues like clothes and physical location should never be connected to implied consent.
Or non verbal cues consenting to sexual activity, they are irrelevant and generally only mentioned to character assassinate sexual assault/rape claimants.
For example: in a club a girl starts dancing with a guy she has never seen before, she then kisses him and he kisses her back.
No words need be exchanged but consent is implied by mutual activity and positive reactions by both sides.
The problem comes when there is no verbal communication, too much reliance upon prior history and non verbal cues- significant risk of miscommunication.
This can be compounded by the consumption of a lot of alcohol, being star struck by a celebrity and not being able to verbally communicate in the same language without the aid of a translation app or interpreter.
Issues like clothes and physical location should never be connected to implied consent.
Or non verbal cues consenting to sexual activity, they are irrelevant and generally only mentioned to character assassinate sexual assault/rape claimants.
You need it in writing.
Yes, of course. It's not difficult to tell if the person you're with wants to have sex. And if for any reason someone is misreading the signs and doing something the other person dislikes then they need to speak up and say that - not just go through with it.
I've only once ever explictly said "yes" to sex and that was with a ONS who could tell I was really nervous. The one time I've been raped verbally saying "no" didn't change the outcome.
I've only once ever explictly said "yes" to sex and that was with a ONS who could tell I was really nervous. The one time I've been raped verbally saying "no" didn't change the outcome.
Just let her make the first move?
Let me give you an example. I went out for drinks with this American girl who was living nearby for the semester at a London university. We had drinks but she gave me no indication that she was having a good time with me, nor that she was attracted to me. Before I asked her out for drinks, I explained to her that I can't come back home at 3am in the night because my mum would kill me, and if I went out for drinks with her, that I could stay at hers for the night.
Anyway, the night went terrible. She didn't give me any signs that she was into me, and the pub closed at 12am so I could have easily gone home, but I sort of persisted with the idea that I can't go home this late...so I suggested we go back to hers and we watch a movie on Netflix. She gave me a strange look lol.
Fast forward, where we are watching Black Mirror and she yawns and I ask her if she's tired and she says yeah, so I suggest we go to sleep. We're in the covers and I tell her "I feel really uncomfortable in my jeans, can I take them off" and again, she's sort of giving me this look like "what are you trynna do". I brush it off and I tell her "I honestly don't feel comfortable sleeping in jeans", and I suggest she gets comfortable too. So she goes ahead and does that.
Literally 10 seconds later she's rubbing my penis and asks me "so is your **** really that big?"....in my head, I was like "wow! I did NOT expect that." So I suggested she should check herself and get it out and the rest is history.
Moral of the story is...if you don't feel like she's giving you any signs that she's into you, don't push her, don't pressure her into doing something she really doesn't want to do. Just wait and be patient, put her in a position where she feels comfortable enough to open up and make her own move.
Let me give you an example. I went out for drinks with this American girl who was living nearby for the semester at a London university. We had drinks but she gave me no indication that she was having a good time with me, nor that she was attracted to me. Before I asked her out for drinks, I explained to her that I can't come back home at 3am in the night because my mum would kill me, and if I went out for drinks with her, that I could stay at hers for the night.
Anyway, the night went terrible. She didn't give me any signs that she was into me, and the pub closed at 12am so I could have easily gone home, but I sort of persisted with the idea that I can't go home this late...so I suggested we go back to hers and we watch a movie on Netflix. She gave me a strange look lol.
Fast forward, where we are watching Black Mirror and she yawns and I ask her if she's tired and she says yeah, so I suggest we go to sleep. We're in the covers and I tell her "I feel really uncomfortable in my jeans, can I take them off" and again, she's sort of giving me this look like "what are you trynna do". I brush it off and I tell her "I honestly don't feel comfortable sleeping in jeans", and I suggest she gets comfortable too. So she goes ahead and does that.
Literally 10 seconds later she's rubbing my penis and asks me "so is your **** really that big?"....in my head, I was like "wow! I did NOT expect that." So I suggested she should check herself and get it out and the rest is history.
Moral of the story is...if you don't feel like she's giving you any signs that she's into you, don't push her, don't pressure her into doing something she really doesn't want to do. Just wait and be patient, put her in a position where she feels comfortable enough to open up and make her own move.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Andrew97
You need it in writing.
I thought the current UK trend was for consent videos and voice recordings.
Only the US seems to be using the sexual consent form along the lines of the Dr. Ava Cadell template with the magic words to end consent.
theres no implied consent, you say yes or theres no consent
Original post by sinfonietta
The one time I've been raped verbally saying "no" didn't change the outcome.
That's terrible.
Hope you received effective support from professionals and any friends/family you confided in.
Original post by AnharM
Just let her make the first move?
Let me give you an example. I went out for drinks with this American girl who was living nearby for the semester at a London university. We had drinks but she gave me no indication that she was having a good time with me, nor that she was attracted to me. Before I asked her out for drinks, I explained to her that I can't come back home at 3am in the night because my mum would kill me, and if I went out for drinks with her, that I could stay at hers for the night.
Anyway, the night went terrible. She didn't give me any signs that she was into me, and the pub closed at 12am so I could have easily gone home, but I sort of persisted with the idea that I can't go home this late...so I suggested we go back to hers and we watch a movie on Netflix. She gave me a strange look lol.
Fast forward, where we are watching Black Mirror and she yawns and I ask her if she's tired and she says yeah, so I suggest we go to sleep. We're in the covers and I tell her "I feel really uncomfortable in my jeans, can I take them off" and again, she's sort of giving me this look like "what are you trynna do". I brush it off and I tell her "I honestly don't feel comfortable sleeping in jeans", and I suggest she gets comfortable too. So she goes ahead and does that.
Literally 10 seconds later she's rubbing my penis and asks me "so is your **** really that big?"....in my head, I was like "wow! I did NOT expect that." So I suggested she should check herself and get it out and the rest is history.
Moral of the story is...if you don't feel like she's giving you any signs that she's into you, don't push her, don't pressure her into doing something she really doesn't want to do. Just wait and be patient, put her in a position where she feels comfortable enough to open up and make her own move.
Let me give you an example. I went out for drinks with this American girl who was living nearby for the semester at a London university. We had drinks but she gave me no indication that she was having a good time with me, nor that she was attracted to me. Before I asked her out for drinks, I explained to her that I can't come back home at 3am in the night because my mum would kill me, and if I went out for drinks with her, that I could stay at hers for the night.
Anyway, the night went terrible. She didn't give me any signs that she was into me, and the pub closed at 12am so I could have easily gone home, but I sort of persisted with the idea that I can't go home this late...so I suggested we go back to hers and we watch a movie on Netflix. She gave me a strange look lol.
Fast forward, where we are watching Black Mirror and she yawns and I ask her if she's tired and she says yeah, so I suggest we go to sleep. We're in the covers and I tell her "I feel really uncomfortable in my jeans, can I take them off" and again, she's sort of giving me this look like "what are you trynna do". I brush it off and I tell her "I honestly don't feel comfortable sleeping in jeans", and I suggest she gets comfortable too. So she goes ahead and does that.
Literally 10 seconds later she's rubbing my penis and asks me "so is your **** really that big?"....in my head, I was like "wow! I did NOT expect that." So I suggested she should check herself and get it out and the rest is history.
Moral of the story is...if you don't feel like she's giving you any signs that she's into you, don't push her, don't pressure her into doing something she really doesn't want to do. Just wait and be patient, put her in a position where she feels comfortable enough to open up and make her own move.
If I was the girl in this situation, how you've behaved would have made me incredibly uncomfortable. In fact, I've had guys be pushy before, in a low-key slimy way. "Oh I'm uncomfortable in these clothes, let me take off my jeans" or "Oh I can't go back home, can I crash at yours?". I make it clear to the guy if I'm interested in more; physically and verbally flirt. If I'm giving 'no' vibes and they persist, it puts me off them. But sometimes I feel like I do things out of obligation; aka there's a semi-naked guy in my bed lying close to me, what is the normal thing to do in this situation? Then regret it after.
You stuck around in hopes of getting lucky. If you chose repeatedly to ignore the vibes you got, and in a weird sense pressured her into a situation may not have wanted to be in/anticipated, she may have reacted in a particular way because she may felt the obligation.
Orr being in bed with a guy made her horny and changed her mind.
Of course there is, and that's why it makes certain situations so difficult.
For example, my boyfriend sometimes wakes me up by performing sexual acts on me. Sometimes (and sorry for TMI) I wake up and he's already inside me. He knows I like it. Has he asked me permission on that occasion? No, but because he knows I'm into that kind of thing, he assumes it's okay to go ahead and do it.
If for whatever reason I asked him to stop, he would.
It is also assumed that when we've both had a drink, we will have sex, even if we're both very drunk. In other situations, this may look like someone being taken advantage of, however I have never regretted a thing in the morning, and doubt I ever will.
There are so many situational differences that need to be taken into account, but there is DEFINITELY implied consent, and you can have sex with someone by just going from stage to stage (kissing > touching > sex) and being in the moment, and them not actually saying "yes, you can have sex with me" but knowing full well from their body language that they want the same.
There are cases of rape/sexual assault where it's definitely abuse. There are cases where it just isn't that simple. No means no, but there are so many different reasons why no might not be said.
I have had sex with people in the past because I felt pressured so I went along with it - yet I never said the word "no". Once I was upset afterwards, but at no point did the word "no" leave my lips. I just didn't know how to back out by the time I'd let it get so far.
Implied consent is definitely a thing, and one of the main problems with rape cases is the sheer fact that there are so many situational variations that you can't always say for sure whether a situation was rape or not.
For example, my boyfriend sometimes wakes me up by performing sexual acts on me. Sometimes (and sorry for TMI) I wake up and he's already inside me. He knows I like it. Has he asked me permission on that occasion? No, but because he knows I'm into that kind of thing, he assumes it's okay to go ahead and do it.
If for whatever reason I asked him to stop, he would.
It is also assumed that when we've both had a drink, we will have sex, even if we're both very drunk. In other situations, this may look like someone being taken advantage of, however I have never regretted a thing in the morning, and doubt I ever will.
There are so many situational differences that need to be taken into account, but there is DEFINITELY implied consent, and you can have sex with someone by just going from stage to stage (kissing > touching > sex) and being in the moment, and them not actually saying "yes, you can have sex with me" but knowing full well from their body language that they want the same.
There are cases of rape/sexual assault where it's definitely abuse. There are cases where it just isn't that simple. No means no, but there are so many different reasons why no might not be said.
I have had sex with people in the past because I felt pressured so I went along with it - yet I never said the word "no". Once I was upset afterwards, but at no point did the word "no" leave my lips. I just didn't know how to back out by the time I'd let it get so far.
Implied consent is definitely a thing, and one of the main problems with rape cases is the sheer fact that there are so many situational variations that you can't always say for sure whether a situation was rape or not.
Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
Of course there is, and that's why it makes certain situations so difficult.
For example, my boyfriend sometimes wakes me up by performing sexual acts on me. Sometimes (and sorry for TMI) I wake up and he's already inside me. He knows I like it. Has he asked me permission on that occasion? No, but because he knows I'm into that kind of thing, he assumes it's okay to go ahead and do it.
If for whatever reason I asked him to stop, he would.
It is also assumed that when we've both had a drink, we will have sex, even if we're both very drunk. In other situations, this may look like someone being taken advantage of, however I have never regretted a thing in the morning, and doubt I ever will.
There are so many situational differences that need to be taken into account, but there is DEFINITELY implied consent, and you can have sex with someone by just going from stage to stage (kissing > touching > sex) and being in the moment, and them not actually saying "yes, you can have sex with me" but knowing full well from their body language that they want the same.
There are cases of rape/sexual assault where it's definitely abuse. There are cases where it just isn't that simple. No means no, but there are so many different reasons why no might not be said.
I have had sex with people in the past because I felt pressured so I went along with it - yet I never said the word "no". Once I was upset afterwards, but at no point did the word "no" leave my lips. I just didn't know how to back out by the time I'd let it get so far.
Implied consent is definitely a thing, and one of the main problems with rape cases is the sheer fact that there are so many situational variations that you can't always say for sure whether a situation was rape or not.
For example, my boyfriend sometimes wakes me up by performing sexual acts on me. Sometimes (and sorry for TMI) I wake up and he's already inside me. He knows I like it. Has he asked me permission on that occasion? No, but because he knows I'm into that kind of thing, he assumes it's okay to go ahead and do it.
If for whatever reason I asked him to stop, he would.
It is also assumed that when we've both had a drink, we will have sex, even if we're both very drunk. In other situations, this may look like someone being taken advantage of, however I have never regretted a thing in the morning, and doubt I ever will.
There are so many situational differences that need to be taken into account, but there is DEFINITELY implied consent, and you can have sex with someone by just going from stage to stage (kissing > touching > sex) and being in the moment, and them not actually saying "yes, you can have sex with me" but knowing full well from their body language that they want the same.
There are cases of rape/sexual assault where it's definitely abuse. There are cases where it just isn't that simple. No means no, but there are so many different reasons why no might not be said.
I have had sex with people in the past because I felt pressured so I went along with it - yet I never said the word "no". Once I was upset afterwards, but at no point did the word "no" leave my lips. I just didn't know how to back out by the time I'd let it get so far.
Implied consent is definitely a thing, and one of the main problems with rape cases is the sheer fact that there are so many situational variations that you can't always say for sure whether a situation was rape or not.
This. 100%.
If a girl moves towards you and starts putting her legs around you then of course you have to f*ck her she doesnt have to say it if its obvious
Original post by Anonymous
If I was the girl in this situation, how you've behaved would have made me incredibly uncomfortable. In fact, I've had guys be pushy before, in a low-key slimy way. "Oh I'm uncomfortable in these clothes, let me take off my jeans" or "Oh I can't go back home, can I crash at yours?". I make it clear to the guy if I'm interested in more; physically and verbally flirt. If I'm giving 'no' vibes and they persist, it puts me off them. But sometimes I feel like I do things out of obligation; aka there's a semi-naked guy in my bed lying close to me, what is the normal thing to do in this situation? Then regret it after.
You stuck around in hopes of getting lucky. If you chose repeatedly to ignore the vibes you got, and in a weird sense pressured her into a situation may not have wanted to be in/anticipated, she may have reacted in a particular way because she may felt the obligation.
Orr being in bed with a guy made her horny and changed her mind.
You stuck around in hopes of getting lucky. If you chose repeatedly to ignore the vibes you got, and in a weird sense pressured her into a situation may not have wanted to be in/anticipated, she may have reacted in a particular way because she may felt the obligation.
Orr being in bed with a guy made her horny and changed her mind.
Well, I see you’ve jumped to conclusions.
You’re assuming she regretted it after, when in fact we’ve slept like 8 times after that night lol! She wanted it, she said so herself, she just didn’t want to give herself away.
Point is, you are not her. Whereby you openly flirt with the guy if you’re interested, she doesn’t. At no point did she ever feel pressured into anything, she actually thought “I know where this is going to but let me play it cool” so she gave off mixed signals. Point I’m trying to make, and what you clearly missed is that not everyone is the same, and sometimes you just need to put yourself in that position where she can open up and make her move. At no point did she feel pressured to do anything.
But of course, jump to your own conclusions why don’t you.
(edited 5 years ago)
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