Women Initiate Divorce Much More Than Men. why is that?
Wives report more dissatisfaction with their marriages than their husbands.
The study, based on a survey of over 2000 heterosexual couples, found that women initiated nearly 70% of all divorces. Yet there was no significant difference between the percentage of breakups initiated by women and men in non-marriagerelationships.
When men and women seek couples therapy and then subsequently divorce; or, when either partner seeks individual therapy about a marriage conflict that ends in divorce, it’s often the woman who expresses more overt conflict and dissatisfaction about the state of the marriage. On the other hand, the man is more likely to report feeling troubled by his wife’s dissatisfaction, but pretty much “OK” with the way things are; he's content to just lope along as time passes.
These clinical observations are consistent with what the study’s lead author, Michael Rosenfeld, suggests — that women may be more likely to initiate divorces because the married women reported lower levels of relationship quality than married men. In contrast, women and men in non-marital relationships reported equal levels of relationship quality. Rosenfeld said his results support the feminist assertion that some women experience heterosexual marriage as oppressive or uncomfortable.
He adds, “I think that marriage as an institution has been a little bit slow to catch up with expectations for gender equality. Wives still take their husbands’ surnames, and are sometimes pressured to do so. Husbands still expect their wives to do the bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare. On the other hand, I think that non-marital relationships lack the historical baggage and expectations of marriage, which makes the non-marital relationships more flexible and therefore more adaptable to modern expectations, including women’s expectations for more gender equality.
After all we’ve been told all our life by society and Hollywood and the media, that all women want in life is to be married?
The study, based on a survey of over 2000 heterosexual couples, found that women initiated nearly 70% of all divorces. Yet there was no significant difference between the percentage of breakups initiated by women and men in non-marriagerelationships.
When men and women seek couples therapy and then subsequently divorce; or, when either partner seeks individual therapy about a marriage conflict that ends in divorce, it’s often the woman who expresses more overt conflict and dissatisfaction about the state of the marriage. On the other hand, the man is more likely to report feeling troubled by his wife’s dissatisfaction, but pretty much “OK” with the way things are; he's content to just lope along as time passes.
These clinical observations are consistent with what the study’s lead author, Michael Rosenfeld, suggests — that women may be more likely to initiate divorces because the married women reported lower levels of relationship quality than married men. In contrast, women and men in non-marital relationships reported equal levels of relationship quality. Rosenfeld said his results support the feminist assertion that some women experience heterosexual marriage as oppressive or uncomfortable.
He adds, “I think that marriage as an institution has been a little bit slow to catch up with expectations for gender equality. Wives still take their husbands’ surnames, and are sometimes pressured to do so. Husbands still expect their wives to do the bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare. On the other hand, I think that non-marital relationships lack the historical baggage and expectations of marriage, which makes the non-marital relationships more flexible and therefore more adaptable to modern expectations, including women’s expectations for more gender equality.
After all we’ve been told all our life by society and Hollywood and the media, that all women want in life is to be married?
(edited 5 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
Because some women are difficult to satisfy - they're very negative, argumentative, emasculating towards their husbands and always looking for something to pick a fight over. Men avoid confrontation with their wives hoping to keep them happy. But women are raised to have very high expectations of what a marriage should be like, to the point that it's impossible for a man to meet those expectations and wives end up never being happy with anything their husbands do to express their love. You know the saying, that the secret to a happy marriage is to always let the wife win an argument. Some men aren't comfortable with doing that, and rightly so.
££££ $$$$
I think I read somewhere that whilst many couples share housework’s and chores the wife often does the most of it which causes dissatisfaction as she has to work at home and have a job at the same time. Whilst the commenter about is very negative and a bit extreme I do think marriage is romanticised a lot more to girls and expectations are more likely to be ruined.
because what is there for them to gain from staying married? its often quoted but its largely been proven true - married men are happier then single men.. but single women are happier than married woman. (post honeymoon period)
Look at it sociologically, and in the scheme of history.
Why did women get married for thousands of years? Across multiple independent societies? It wasn't to be happy.
They did it because for most of human history it was a necessity for both their own survival and for the survival of their children. They needed a husband because a husband provided protection, resources, the ability to provide off-spring, and elderly care.
Marriage in the past was a very practical transaction. Both sides - men and women received great practical benefits to their lives and futures, and both ended up hugely better off materially and circumstantially than their single counter-parts. This is also why the idea that marriage was 'oppressive' to women is a bit wrong. Its partly right in the legal-possession sense.. but its wrong in that it was all for men at the exploitation of women. It was incredibly mutually beneficial for both parties.
---
Fast forward to the 20th century.. and marriage is in crisis - especially on the female side. Why? And why less so for men?
Look at what women get out of marriage today..
Security - we live in the safest societies in human history.. you don't need a husband for this
Prosperity - you can work
Having children - still true
Elderly care - NHS/pensions/savings
Only one of the 4 key reasons to get married is still true (hence why divorce rates are low after childbirth but peak again as the kids age, and the man isn't needed any more)
What about the man
Childbirth - still true
Regular source of sexual satisfaction - largely still true
Status symbol - largely still true
Maintaining the house/cooking - on average still true
---
Its pretty clear that men still get far more of the initial sociological bargain than women do..
The most damaging thing though is the newest addition: 'Happiness'
Happiness is what's been sold to women as a replacement for the piratical benefits of marriage. Its the reason marriage rates are still high.. despite all of the bennifits disapearing over time. Because countless media sources have sold women on the romance.. that marriage will make their life happy, and give them fullfillment.
It doesn't.
Marriage is a pratical change of cirumstances - it doesn't make you happy. You make you happy. A positive person with a decent mentality will be happy in or out of a relationship, and a misserable negative person will be just as misserable when married. Even for a positive person, a marriage will not ALWAYS make them happy, and there will be times of prolonged sadness throughout their marriage.
So, understanding the above, what happens today is simple:
- Men and women are sold the idea that marriage is meaning and happiness...
- Some point after the honeymoon period they realise this isn't true...
- For the men, they still see a good few practical bennifits, so they stick it out
- For the women, unless young children are involved, they see very few practical benifits, so they feel trapped.. in a situation that is not delivering them the happiness they were promised, or the practical bennifits that would make it worthwhile when unhappy..
So they want out.
Look at it sociologically, and in the scheme of history.
Why did women get married for thousands of years? Across multiple independent societies? It wasn't to be happy.
They did it because for most of human history it was a necessity for both their own survival and for the survival of their children. They needed a husband because a husband provided protection, resources, the ability to provide off-spring, and elderly care.
Marriage in the past was a very practical transaction. Both sides - men and women received great practical benefits to their lives and futures, and both ended up hugely better off materially and circumstantially than their single counter-parts. This is also why the idea that marriage was 'oppressive' to women is a bit wrong. Its partly right in the legal-possession sense.. but its wrong in that it was all for men at the exploitation of women. It was incredibly mutually beneficial for both parties.
---
Fast forward to the 20th century.. and marriage is in crisis - especially on the female side. Why? And why less so for men?
Look at what women get out of marriage today..
Security - we live in the safest societies in human history.. you don't need a husband for this
Prosperity - you can work
Having children - still true
Elderly care - NHS/pensions/savings
Only one of the 4 key reasons to get married is still true (hence why divorce rates are low after childbirth but peak again as the kids age, and the man isn't needed any more)
What about the man
Childbirth - still true
Regular source of sexual satisfaction - largely still true
Status symbol - largely still true
Maintaining the house/cooking - on average still true
---
Its pretty clear that men still get far more of the initial sociological bargain than women do..
The most damaging thing though is the newest addition: 'Happiness'
Happiness is what's been sold to women as a replacement for the piratical benefits of marriage. Its the reason marriage rates are still high.. despite all of the bennifits disapearing over time. Because countless media sources have sold women on the romance.. that marriage will make their life happy, and give them fullfillment.
It doesn't.
Marriage is a pratical change of cirumstances - it doesn't make you happy. You make you happy. A positive person with a decent mentality will be happy in or out of a relationship, and a misserable negative person will be just as misserable when married. Even for a positive person, a marriage will not ALWAYS make them happy, and there will be times of prolonged sadness throughout their marriage.
So, understanding the above, what happens today is simple:
- Men and women are sold the idea that marriage is meaning and happiness...
- Some point after the honeymoon period they realise this isn't true...
- For the men, they still see a good few practical bennifits, so they stick it out
- For the women, unless young children are involved, they see very few practical benifits, so they feel trapped.. in a situation that is not delivering them the happiness they were promised, or the practical bennifits that would make it worthwhile when unhappy..
So they want out.
Original post by asif007
Because women are difficult to satisfy - they're very negative, argumentative, emasculating towards their husbands and always looking for something to pick a fight over. Men avoid confrontation with their wives hoping to keep them happy. But women are raised to have very high expectations of what a marriage should be like, to the point that it's impossible for a man to meet those expectations and wives end up never being happy with anything their husbands do to express their love. You know the saying, that the secret to a happy marriage is to always let the wife win an argument. Some men aren't comfortable with doing that, and rightly so.
i agree, movies and tv shows give women the expectation that all men should act like prince charming which is damaging
Original post by hellohellothere
i agree, movies and tv shows give women the expectation that all men should act like prince charming which is damaging
What’s so hard about being a gentleman and a romantic ?
Original post by asif007
Because women are difficult to satisfy - they're very negative, argumentative, emasculating towards their husbands and always looking for something to pick a fight over. Men avoid confrontation with their wives hoping to keep them happy. But women are raised to have very high expectations of what a marriage should be like, to the point that it's impossible for a man to meet those expectations and wives end up never being happy with anything their husbands do to express their love. You know the saying, that the secret to a happy marriage is to always let the wife win an argument. Some men aren't comfortable with doing that, and rightly so.
Swap the genders and that’s my parents ‘marriage’
My dad is the most argumentative and petty human
You’ve just had a bad experience m8
Original post by Dudufu
What’s so hard about being a gentleman and a romantic ?
im a girl lol, having petty arguements with my exes made me realise that even though they can be a gentleman etc. its not something they have to keep up 24/7 like some displaced disney character/mr grey
Personally, I think women strive for perfection more than men, and try to focus on emotional aspects of relationships. I know this is a generalisation, but a lot of men are happy to watch TV in an evening, whereas women like to chat. Also, I feel that equality doesn't really work very well in women's favour. Although they are now able to work full time in difficult careers, often they're also still expected to do the bulk of work at home and with childcare, which can put women under a huge amount of pressure and make them consider a divorce.
Women are being told to be independent, told not to settle for second best.. so I think possibly, many end decent relationships because they feel they deserve better (but they often don't find it).
Also, I think men just never get round to things, so they might want a divorce, but the actual act of putting the wheels in motion is too much effort.
That's probably the most sexist post I've ever written to be honest, but I do believe that men and women are different in many ways (not a bad thing), including the ways I've mentioned above.
Women are being told to be independent, told not to settle for second best.. so I think possibly, many end decent relationships because they feel they deserve better (but they often don't find it).
Also, I think men just never get round to things, so they might want a divorce, but the actual act of putting the wheels in motion is too much effort.
That's probably the most sexist post I've ever written to be honest, but I do believe that men and women are different in many ways (not a bad thing), including the ways I've mentioned above.
Women desire emotional satisfaction as their main priority. Men desire sexual satisfaction as their main priority. The man can easily get his satisfaction, the woman can't.
You can pick that apart and rage about sexism/not understanding the emotional depths of males etc all you like but it's the truth that no one wants to admit.
You can pick that apart and rage about sexism/not understanding the emotional depths of males etc all you like but it's the truth that no one wants to admit.
Original post by asif007
Female psychology makes women more argumentative and petty than men because they let emotions dictate their behaviour, which makes them irrational. That's not because of "bad experience", it's fact.
If it's a fact, then you'll presumably have a variety of studies to back this up. Some blog by a bloke who hates women isn't evidence by the way.
Original post by Anonymous
Women desire emotional satisfaction as their main priority. Men desire sexual satisfaction as their main priority. The man can easily get his satisfaction, the woman can't.
You can pick that apart and rage about sexism/not understanding the emotional depths of males etc all you like but it's the truth that no one wants to admit.
You can pick that apart and rage about sexism/not understanding the emotional depths of males etc all you like but it's the truth that no one wants to admit.
I agree.
Original post by asif007
Female psychology makes women more argumentative and petty than men because they let emotions dictate their behaviour, which makes them irrational. That's not because of "bad experience", it's fact.
Not all females are argumentative and petty. Your views on women are very negative for someone who seems to claim to have had no bad experiences with women.
Hopefully my mum will be initiating divorce proceedings soon. My father has been abusing her for years and it's taken her a long time to get the courage to stand up to him and to leave the relationship
Original post by brotherisgone
Not all females are argumentative and petty. Your views on women are very negative for someone who seems to claim to have had no bad experiences with women.
As a woman, I disagree. It's why I'm exclusively friends with males only. I attended a girls high school for 7 years and I can't stand females as friends. I would much rather be around guys - women are petty and they are vindictive and they won't give you a straight answer when something is bothering them. I count myself among them too - but I limit how much I re-inforce those qualities/behaviors by not being a part of a female friendship circle and I'm aware when I'm being *****y or irrational/over reactive and can own up to it. Most women can't. And yes, hormones do play a part. One of my close female family members has PMDD and they are basically a psychopath the week before their period, the week of their period and the week after their period. So basically the majority of the month - every month, every year they are a total ***** to everyone - and they know it.
Original post by asif007
I agree.
Would you prefer a traditional south Asian girl or a westernised modern lady?
Of course you’re going to say a bit of both.
dunno but if a man leaves a woman, she must be hell. like men care more about marriage because of image at "the office." Youre taken more seriously as a married family man patriach. Look established. A woman is less interesting after marriage, society says, as they chase single women or employ them. So women might not wanna be married. Then there's cultural reasons, she might have been arranged or it was a shotgun/last minute marriage because of a child involved or money issues. With FEMINISM women dont need men, and once they gain their footing, they leave em yet beg for CHILD MAINTENANCE. @TommyDH at least with dating a single mum, I dont have to worry about this 
Quick Reply
Latest
Trending
Last reply 23 hours ago
Why is the political left now censorious and authoritarian??Last reply 1 day ago
Is it true that British unis are prejudiced towards degrees from Scottish unis?Last reply 1 day ago
If the Russell Group was now a fair representation of what it still claims to beLast reply 1 week ago
TSR Goes Green: How important will the environment be in this year's election?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Research Rankings of universities if you add Research Quality & Intensity percentagesLast reply 1 month ago
Is University of Birmingham prestigious and respected well enough in UK ?Trending
Last reply 23 hours ago
Why is the political left now censorious and authoritarian??Last reply 1 day ago
Is it true that British unis are prejudiced towards degrees from Scottish unis?Last reply 1 day ago
If the Russell Group was now a fair representation of what it still claims to beLast reply 1 week ago
TSR Goes Green: How important will the environment be in this year's election?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Research Rankings of universities if you add Research Quality & Intensity percentagesLast reply 1 month ago
Is University of Birmingham prestigious and respected well enough in UK ?
