Is my girlfriend ungrateful or am I wrong?
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Original post by Anonymous
The sleciifx issue here is that I began organising it yesterday with her friends then asked if she's interested in coming and I'd make it her birybirt present. This could cost me £100-150 .which a lot of money for a student like me
My opinion:
you are not wrong but did you tell her ''it can be your birthday present.'' ? if so idk why but that line ''it can be your birthday present'' annoyed/irratated me a bit too, i mean 1: why are telling her about what you will give her as a birthday present? 2: if she wanted to meet her friends then she will no need to share her birthday presesnt with her friends. 3: if you told her ''it can be your birthday present'' then that sounds cheap (its not about money), it sounds cheap for reasons: A: the words itself, you could have said it in a better way, like: for your birthday should we go to a hotel for 2 days, 1 day we will have fun alone the other day we will meet your friends, you dont meet them that much? do you like it? B: its her birthday, if she really cared to see her friends then she will meet up with them herself, i mean maybe she wanted to do something alone with you. But you are not wrong, she should tell you why she is mad properly and also at the end of the day you had good intentions so she should appreciate it.
Ok I'll take that on board. Perhaps I didn't word it very well. That isn't her issue though. Or at least she hasn't said it. I tried to something nice for her and now I get this instead .I've not been able to focus on my exam revision today.
No we don't normally do anything for Easter .it's not really a big deal for either of us
No we don't normally do anything for Easter .it's not really a big deal for either of us
Original post by Anonymous
Right, so I'm going down south to play a gig with my band over the Easter weekend. I was planning to come straight back on the same night, but I know that my girlfriend has friends near there who she hardly ever sees. So I thought let's make the most of it and try to arrange a meet up. I offered to pay for a hotel for two nights and to take her for a day out. She seemed really annoyed because I said it can be her birthday present. What the hell? I can't see her side at all. I'm doing something nice for her, considering her, and making the most of this. She loves going to hotels and having mini breaks away. Do I even get a thanks? No. Just that I'm being cheap and stingey trying to do a "2 for 1" with my girlfriend. I'm a student and I can't afford much.
Honestly, am I in the wrong here? For offering to take her away for a weekend (to pay) and make it her birthday present?
Honestly, am I in the wrong here? For offering to take her away for a weekend (to pay) and make it her birthday present?
I would ditch her for being an ungrateful girl.
I'm with your girlfriend. I would not be happy if my wife did that.
Its all about the order.
If...
Your talking to your girlfriend about what she wants for her birthday..
You get the idea that she wants a weekend break
You propose it as a present, and say that you'll plan something
Then later you realise about your gig/her friend, and you go to her and say - that great birthday trip I want to give you.. I have found a brilliant way to do it
= happy girlfriend + thoughtful boyfriend who considered her birthday first, and then found a clever way to do it
But the other way around ( the way you seem to describe it)
You have a gig opportunity down south
You realize that its near your girlfriends friend
You think you could take her with you..
Then you propose that this trip is also her birthday present to solve two issues with one idea.
= Unhappy girlfriend + Stingy boyfriend
Why?
Because in the first scenario - she was your first thought, and her birthday was your first priority.. you then found a clever way to do it later. You come across as clever and thoughtful.
In the second scenario, the situation initially develops separately without any thought for her and her birthday.. then you add in the friend/hotel part.. which seems to her like a really thoughtful and romantic trip (at this point your golden) - but then after this when you mention about her birthday it feels as if either :
A. you don't want to spend any more money on her, so want to turn this non-birthday trip into a birthday trip to save money
or
B. you don't want to put any more effort into doing a separate birthday thing, so thought you could be clever and use something you have already planned as a birthday present.
Either way, ends up in a bad image for yourself.
---
Its a bit like this with a holiday..
if you book a holiday for your partner, and tell them about it..
then later say 'oh yeah, your birthday present is the holiday'
= they get pissed
if you book them a holiday specifically for their birthday, planned as a birthday present
= they love it.
In both circumstances you've done the same thing.. paid for a holiday, and done it as their birthday present.. but one seems thoughtful, and one seems lazy and stingy
Its all about the order.
If...
Your talking to your girlfriend about what she wants for her birthday..
You get the idea that she wants a weekend break
You propose it as a present, and say that you'll plan something
Then later you realise about your gig/her friend, and you go to her and say - that great birthday trip I want to give you.. I have found a brilliant way to do it
= happy girlfriend + thoughtful boyfriend who considered her birthday first, and then found a clever way to do it
But the other way around ( the way you seem to describe it)
You have a gig opportunity down south
You realize that its near your girlfriends friend
You think you could take her with you..
Then you propose that this trip is also her birthday present to solve two issues with one idea.
= Unhappy girlfriend + Stingy boyfriend
Why?
Because in the first scenario - she was your first thought, and her birthday was your first priority.. you then found a clever way to do it later. You come across as clever and thoughtful.
In the second scenario, the situation initially develops separately without any thought for her and her birthday.. then you add in the friend/hotel part.. which seems to her like a really thoughtful and romantic trip (at this point your golden) - but then after this when you mention about her birthday it feels as if either :
A. you don't want to spend any more money on her, so want to turn this non-birthday trip into a birthday trip to save money
or
B. you don't want to put any more effort into doing a separate birthday thing, so thought you could be clever and use something you have already planned as a birthday present.
Either way, ends up in a bad image for yourself.
---
Its a bit like this with a holiday..
if you book a holiday for your partner, and tell them about it..
then later say 'oh yeah, your birthday present is the holiday'
= they get pissed
if you book them a holiday specifically for their birthday, planned as a birthday present
= they love it.
In both circumstances you've done the same thing.. paid for a holiday, and done it as their birthday present.. but one seems thoughtful, and one seems lazy and stingy
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by fallen_acorns
I'm with your girlfriend. I would not be happy if my wife did that.
Its all about the order.
If...
Your talking to your girlfriend about what she wants for her birthday..
You get the idea that she wants a weekend break
You propose it as a present, and say that you'll plan something
Then later you realise about your gig/her friend, and you go to her and say - that great birthday trip I want to give you.. I have found a brilliant way to do it
= happy girlfriend + thoughtful boyfriend who considered her birthday first, and then found a clever way to do it
But the other way around ( the way you seem to describe it)
You have a gig opportunity down south
You realize that its near your girlfriends friend
You think you could take her with you..
Then you propose that this trip is also her birthday present to solve two issues with one idea.
= Unhappy girlfriend + Stingy boyfriend
Why?
Because in the first scenario - she was your first thought, and her birthday was your first priority.. you then found a clever way to do it later. You come across as clever and thoughtful.
In the second scenario, the situation initially develops separately without any thought for her and her birthday.. then you add in the friend/hotel part.. which seems to her like a really thoughtful and romantic trip (at this point your golden) - but then after this when you mention about her birthday it feels as if either :
A. you don't want to spend any more money on her, so want to turn this non-birthday trip into a birthday trip to save money
or
B. you don't want to put any more effort into doing a separate birthday thing, so thought you could be clever and use something you have already planned as a birthday present.
Either way, ends up in a bad image for yourself.
---
Its a bit like this with a holiday..
if you book a holiday for your partner, and tell them about it..
then later say 'oh yeah, your birthday present is the holiday'
= they get pissed
if you book them a holiday specifically for their birthday, planned as a birthday present
= they love it.
In both circumstances you've done the same thing.. paid for a holiday, and done it as their birthday present.. but one seems thoughtful, and one seems lazy.
Its all about the order.
If...
Your talking to your girlfriend about what she wants for her birthday..
You get the idea that she wants a weekend break
You propose it as a present, and say that you'll plan something
Then later you realise about your gig/her friend, and you go to her and say - that great birthday trip I want to give you.. I have found a brilliant way to do it
= happy girlfriend + thoughtful boyfriend who considered her birthday first, and then found a clever way to do it
But the other way around ( the way you seem to describe it)
You have a gig opportunity down south
You realize that its near your girlfriends friend
You think you could take her with you..
Then you propose that this trip is also her birthday present to solve two issues with one idea.
= Unhappy girlfriend + Stingy boyfriend
Why?
Because in the first scenario - she was your first thought, and her birthday was your first priority.. you then found a clever way to do it later. You come across as clever and thoughtful.
In the second scenario, the situation initially develops separately without any thought for her and her birthday.. then you add in the friend/hotel part.. which seems to her like a really thoughtful and romantic trip (at this point your golden) - but then after this when you mention about her birthday it feels as if either :
A. you don't want to spend any more money on her, so want to turn this non-birthday trip into a birthday trip to save money
or
B. you don't want to put any more effort into doing a separate birthday thing, so thought you could be clever and use something you have already planned as a birthday present.
Either way, ends up in a bad image for yourself.
---
Its a bit like this with a holiday..
if you book a holiday for your partner, and tell them about it..
then later say 'oh yeah, your birthday present is the holiday'
= they get pissed
if you book them a holiday specifically for their birthday, planned as a birthday present
= they love it.
In both circumstances you've done the same thing.. paid for a holiday, and done it as their birthday present.. but one seems thoughtful, and one seems lazy.
I see your point. But I disagree. I was going to take her out somewhere down there. I'm keeping that a surprise. But something like a spa day/session. I'm keeping that a surprise. I don't see how that makes her an afterthought .she's been wanting to do a spa day for a while too.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks! To be fair, I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. I have done things to upset her and I have no shame in admitting it. But this is the first time in our relationship where I cannot see how I'm wrong! I'm not backing down either until she apologizes for being so ungrateful and some of the hurtful things she's said
I think she sees it as you being cheap, because you're going down there for the gig, but she fails to see the rest.
Explain to her again perhaps she's got the decorators in hence her reaction. Be calm if still she doesn't appreciate it, tell her to **** off. Don't be a pussy bro 🤜
Original post by Rock Fan
I would ditch her for being an ungrateful girl.
Sadly, these kind of thoyghtsare entering my mind
Original post by Anonymous
Sadly, these kind of thoyghtsare entering my mind
She is obviously upset by it. If you care about her you'll just suck it up and try make her happy. Its not a big thing that's comprised your integrity. You'll find this type of thing with all relationships.
She just wants to feel special. Doubt it's to do with money.
Original post by Scottishflavour
She is obviously upset by it. If you care about her you'll just suck it up and try make her happy. Its not a big thing that's comprised your integrity. You'll find this type of thing with all relationships.
She just wants to feel special. Doubt it's to do with money.
She just wants to feel special. Doubt it's to do with money.
I do so much to make her feel special. I'm basically a taxi driver for her as she doesn't drive. I'm always expected to make a one hour round trip to pick her up, then another one hour trip to drop her off. I always cook for her when she comes, I bought a TV for when she comes over, she can sleep easier (she needs that) .I'm not feeling appreciated at all.
Original post by Anonymous
I do so much to make her feel special. I'm basically a taxi driver for her as she doesn't drive. I'm always expected to make a one hour round trip to pick her up, then another one hour trip to drop her off. I always cook for her when she comes, I bought a TV for when she comes over, she can sleep easier (she needs that) .I'm not feeling appreciated at all.
I feel you mate. It's up to you to decide if its worth it. All relationships are hard work though. Talk to her. Seems like all those things can be resolved by talking .
Original post by Scottishflavour
I feel you mate. It's up to you to decide if its worth it. All relationships are hard work though. Talk to her. Seems like all those things can be resolved by talking .
I've spoke to her about the "taxi" issue before. Nothing has come of it. In fact, I feel like I was just palmed off.
You decided as an afterthought to turn *your* reason to travel somewhere into *her* birthday gift. It's understandable why she's annoyed.
Original post by Anonymous
I've spoke to her about the "taxi" issue before. Nothing has come of it. In fact, I feel like I was just palmed off.
Its not really a big issue, it's how you're feeling about the relationship. Ive been in your situation before. I've found that the more you bend the more they do. The best things in life require hard work . Its up to you to decide if you think these type of things can be resolved.
I'd hazard a guess that you're not always low maintenance. Its perfectly normal and just how people are.
With that being said you can't be unhappy. Unless she is insanely hot and great in bed lol
It's over .
I think you need to get rid of her. Clearly ungrateful. Really sorry she is being like this
shes being very ungrateful, sounds like a lovely idea and she could have just said she doesn't fancy it
Original post by Anonymous
I see your point. But I disagree. I was going to take her out somewhere down there. I'm keeping that a surprise. But something like a spa day/session. I'm keeping that a surprise. I don't see how that makes her an afterthought .she's been wanting to do a spa day for a while too.
if that's the case - then surely you can resolve the situation entirely? When she says 'your trying to do 2 for 1, and being cheap' - just reply 'no, I have a separate surprise for you when were down there for your birthday'
It's over. She told me by text message that she sees no future for us and that she is setting me free . What the hell? What did I do to deserve that? How low can you get?
Original post by Anonymous
Right, so I'm going down south to play a gig with my band over the Easter weekend. I was planning to come straight back on the same night, but I know that my girlfriend has friends near there who she hardly ever sees. So I thought let's make the most of it and try to arrange a meet up. I offered to pay for a hotel for two nights and to take her for a day out. She seemed really annoyed because I said it can be her birthday present. What the hell? I can't see her side at all. I'm doing something nice for her, considering her, and making the most of this. She loves going to hotels and having mini breaks away. Do I even get a thanks? No. Just that I'm being cheap and stingey trying to do a "2 for 1" with my girlfriend. I'm a student and I can't afford much.
Honestly, am I in the wrong here? For offering to take her away for a weekend (to pay) and make it her birthday present?
Honestly, am I in the wrong here? For offering to take her away for a weekend (to pay) and make it her birthday present?
No mate, you are bang on.
She’s ungrateful AF and sounds really immature
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