Does apologising hurt a mans ego?
I just confronted my boyfriend for not replying for over 12 hours because he was 'studying'. He asked me if I'd seen him online to which I said yes (because I had) but I also said that it's not about him being online or not. I shouldn't have to wait for over half a day for a reply back which I think is a reasonable expectation from a relationship. To this he said ' Ok, My Fault, Sorry, I should've replied'. After these words he's responded quite coldly to all my messages (one liners). Could it possibly be because I've hurt his 'man ego'?
Original post by Anonymous
I just confronted my boyfriend for not replying for over 12 hours because he was 'studying'. He asked me if I'd seen him online to which I said yes (because I had) but I also said that it's not about him being online or not. I shouldn't have to wait for over half a day for a reply back which I think is a reasonable expectation from a relationship. To this he said ' Ok, My Fault, Sorry, I should've replied'. After these words he's responded quite coldly to all my messages (one liners). Could it possibly be because I've hurt his 'man ego'?
no. Cause u made his freakin uncomfortable. Ur supposed to ujderstand his circumstances. Thats what relationships are about!
It's because you're making a fuss over nothing.
I understand that you probably want 3 second replies but let's take into consideration the fact that he could actually be busy. When I have a busy day, I'm hardly ever on my phone and I don't reply to anyone until I have enough time to reply properly. You confronting him about not replying after 12 hours is making a big deal out of something small. It would be understandable if he didn't reply for a few days but 12 hours is nothing.
Don't be *that* kind of girlfriend who is overly clingy and wants attention 24/7. You need to agree on things but understand that not every day will be the same. People have their own lives to live outside of the relationship.
I understand that you probably want 3 second replies but let's take into consideration the fact that he could actually be busy. When I have a busy day, I'm hardly ever on my phone and I don't reply to anyone until I have enough time to reply properly. You confronting him about not replying after 12 hours is making a big deal out of something small. It would be understandable if he didn't reply for a few days but 12 hours is nothing.
Don't be *that* kind of girlfriend who is overly clingy and wants attention 24/7. You need to agree on things but understand that not every day will be the same. People have their own lives to live outside of the relationship.
You’re making a fuss over nothing like ^ has said, the only thing hurt here is trust, why are you losing your **** because he was studying, how do you know he wasn’t studying, or do you just prefer to think that he was cheating, what’s at play here is really your ego.
(edited 5 years ago)
Yes, I think he's feeling irriated at you and you probably aren't going to be getting an apology unless you just guilt him into it. Do you know him to be super studious or does he have a paper/exam coming up soon? He was wanting to focus on getting what he needed to get accomplished done. Then he is given grief by you for not responding and he got irritated.
What you were messaging him about would make a difference too. Such as "I've fallen and broken my leg and need to go to the hospital" would warrent a quick response but 'hey, what's up' wouldn't.
If this is a regular occurance and you are bothered by it then you need to have an honest discussion with him and if nothing changes reasses your relationhsip if you don't feel like a priority (but as a student studies and doing well have to come first) but if this has only happened once or only has happened occasionally then give him grace so he can be in a good place (having gotten everything he needed to get done....done) so when he's with you he can relax and not have to worry about anything.
In a relationship you are supposed to be surpportive of each other and uplift each other. Maybe he's feeling high anxiety with the studying - is he someone who is driven or are his grades slipping or have a project due soon - but then you compounded the anxiety by giving him grief about responding to a text.
I do understand where you are coming from but if this doesn't regularly happen just show him support and don't add to his anxiety.
What you were messaging him about would make a difference too. Such as "I've fallen and broken my leg and need to go to the hospital" would warrent a quick response but 'hey, what's up' wouldn't.
If this is a regular occurance and you are bothered by it then you need to have an honest discussion with him and if nothing changes reasses your relationhsip if you don't feel like a priority (but as a student studies and doing well have to come first) but if this has only happened once or only has happened occasionally then give him grace so he can be in a good place (having gotten everything he needed to get done....done) so when he's with you he can relax and not have to worry about anything.
In a relationship you are supposed to be surpportive of each other and uplift each other. Maybe he's feeling high anxiety with the studying - is he someone who is driven or are his grades slipping or have a project due soon - but then you compounded the anxiety by giving him grief about responding to a text.
I do understand where you are coming from but if this doesn't regularly happen just show him support and don't add to his anxiety.
It's because you're making a fuss over something little. Sure, maybe he should have replied sooner, but you could've left it after he said he was busy studying, people have their own lives. Even if you're with someone, you shouldn't require constant 24/7 attention from them. You got an apology because you guilted him into it. Why are his replies cold? Maybe it's because he's busy, but he doesn't want you to bust his balls over not replying again...
He was studying? you don't need to be speaking constantly, that's not what a relationship is about. He shouldn't have needed to apologise at all actually. also, you can still appear online without actively using an app. if your messenger app is open, it'll say you're online. doesn't mean he was sitting messaging people
who studies for 12 hours? maybe half real studying and studying that ass the other half
Original post by Rainfall
who studies for 12 hours? maybe half real studying and studying that ass the other half
Maybe he got some food, had a nap, washed, went to a shop during that time as well, for little breaks. Maybe he also turned off his phone or left it out of sight so he didn’t get distracted, or maybe he purposely didn’t respond because he wanted to focus on other things and knew a conversation would start if he replied.
So many possibilities which OP doesn’t seem to have considered and just got annoyed at for no reason.
Original post by Bio 7
Maybe he got some food, had a nap, washed, went to a shop during that time as well, for little breaks. Maybe he also turned off his phone or left it out of sight so he didn’t get distracted, or maybe he purposely didn’t respond because he wanted to focus on other things and knew a conversation would start if he replied.
So many possibilities which OP doesn’t seem to have considered and just got annoyed at for no reason.
So many possibilities which OP doesn’t seem to have considered and just got annoyed at for no reason.
Well why doesnt he just say that? Communication is important. He couldnt tell her that he was busy and wont reply for that long? not that hard tbh
Original post by Rainfall
Well why doesnt he just say that? Communication is important. He couldnt tell her that he was busy and wont reply for that long? not that hard tbh
Why does he need to explain his every action, she can just wait for a bit. This is half a day we are talking about, it isn’t even a full 24 hours. If she can’t cope with 12 hours then she sounds too clingy.
Original post by Bio 7
Why does he need to explain his every action, she can just wait for a bit. This is half a day we are talking about, it isn’t even a full 24 hours. If she can’t cope with 12 hours then she sounds too clingy.
All he has to say is hey im going to be studying for the next couple hours so his gf wont be worried about him if he doesnt reply to her texts and thats not what he usually does. Idk but like u kinda got to see from her view
Original post by Rainfall
All he has to say is hey im going to be studying for the next couple hours so his gf wont be worried about him if he doesnt reply to her texts and thats not what he usually does. Idk but like u kinda got to see from her view
I can see it from her point of view but if I message someone and they don’t reply for ages my first instinct isn’t to get annoyed. I sometimes wait for a day or so to get a reply because they are busy at the time and don’t notice. Sometimes these things happen, I know that I sometimes haven’t noticed a message despite being on my phone in that time.
Regardless if she gets annoyed, the better thing to do is just send a follow up about something a few hours later and not be pushy about not having a reply, just wait and see when they have a chance to message back. Then maybe ask what they’ve been up to.
The only reason I can see for getting annoyed is if they think the person is cheating in the relationship perspective, at which point the lack of trust is the problem and needs to be addressed properly.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by Bio 7
I can see it from her point of view but if I message someone and they don’t reply for ages my first instinct isn’t to get annoyed. I sometimes wait for a day or so to get a reply because they are busy at the time and don’t notice. Sometimes these things happen, I know that I sometimes haven’t noticed a message despite being on my phone in that time.
Regardless if she gets annoyed, the better thing to do is just send a follow up about something a few hours later and not be pushy about not having a reply, just wait and see when they have a chance to message back. Then maybe ask what they’ve been up to.
The only reason I can see for getting annoyed is if they think the person is cheating in the relationship perspective, at which point the lack of trust is the problem and needs to be addressed properly.
Regardless if she gets annoyed, the better thing to do is just send a follow up about something a few hours later and not be pushy about not having a reply, just wait and see when they have a chance to message back. Then maybe ask what they’ve been up to.
The only reason I can see for getting annoyed is if they think the person is cheating in the relationship perspective, at which point the lack of trust is the problem and needs to be addressed properly.
yeah tbh i think they both could do better
Original post by Rainfall
yeah tbh i think they both could do better
Yeah faults on both sides. She gets annoyed too easily and he doesn’t bother telling her not to message him. They need to work each other out better.
Original post by Bio 7
Yeah faults on both sides. She gets annoyed too easily and he doesn’t bother telling her not to message him. They need to work each other out better.
if theres no trust and communication then the relationship wont last long. and yes i agree
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