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I unknowingly cheated while blacked out

Okay so over the last semester i got into a bad habit of drinking to the point of black outs, i wouldnt remember anything from those nights. And one night my roommate and i were drinking with her boyfriend and his roommate who i was good friends with. At the time i had a boyfriend who i practically worshipped, i loved him more than anything. But that night i got blacked out drunk and the next morning my other roommate (we had quads) told me that i was found in bed with my guy friend. When i was told i was told that i was found with clothes on. So i didnt tell my boyfriend bc i didnt think it was a big deal. Couple months later me and my boyfriend are on a break bc my black outs have gotten worse and i had kissed someone he knew at his school when i was blacked out (he said not to worry it was an accident) and he confronted me on it. We would still talk and things were looking good bc i had gotten some help to stop the black outs. Which i did after being confronted but i wanted to make sure not to have an accident. I transferred to my boyfriends school over break bc unimportant reasons but we planned a visit to my old school to see my friends. During the visit my old roommate who found out we were coming ( and for some reason doesnt like me anymore) told my boyfriend that i had hooked up with my guy friend, which wasnt true, there was physical proof that never happened. But thats when i found out how i was founf almost completely naked on top of him, and my roommate told me the wrong information 4 months earlier. I dont know my boyfriends thoughts about me now and i want to win him back bc loyalty means everything to me and i disgust myself to know that i allowed myself to get in that situation. I want to show him that wasnt really me and not my true feelings. Ive addressed and got in control of my drinking and its been over a month and i havent got that remotely close to beinf drunk. Ive given him time and space and given my side to all of this bc my roommate told him somethinf to ruin us bc she hated our happy relationship. This wasnt the biggest mistake of my life and ive never done this before, how can i possibly get him back? Im willing to work for it bc i know that isnt me and i never would do that intentionally
First of all, stop drinking. Second of all, yes you blacked out, but that’s not an excuse. I know it feels like ypu didnt do those things because you dont remember, but you did. If loylty meant everything to you, you wouldnt be getting black out drunk
Are you okay? Was the, I’m guessing, sex consensual? Please put yourself first in this situation and make sure that you are okay. And regarding your boyfriend, what happens with your relationship is now completely down to him. You need to think about if you put yourself in his shoes how you would feel, it’s not an easy or simple decision to make. You just have to wait it out and hope for the best, time is the best healer. Hope your doing okay :smile:
You have to keep your drinking habits under control. Drinking to the point of blackouts and not being aware of your actions surely suggests that something is wrong! It is good that you have stopped drinking, keep going forward with this. You may wish to seek professional help if you are struggling.

As for your relationship, although you were under the influence, it still doesn't excuse the cheating. It has broken the trust that your boyfriend had for you, and whether he can ever forgive you is something that only he can answer. Keep up with your resolve to improve your life and quit the drinking, and show that you have changed. Within time, if he can accept that you are truly sorry and can rebuild his trust, he may be open to getting back together. However, you do need to be prepared that he doesn't want to, and in the case, you need to let him go and move on with your own life, learn from your mistakes.
Original post by Anonymous
Okay so over the last semester i got into a bad habit of drinking to the point of black outs, i wouldnt remember anything from those nights. And one night my roommate and i were drinking with her boyfriend and his roommate who i was good friends with. At the time i had a boyfriend who i practically worshipped, i loved him more than anything. But that night i got blacked out drunk and the next morning my other roommate (we had quads) told me that i was found in bed with my guy friend. When i was told i was told that i was found with clothes on. So i didnt tell my boyfriend bc i didnt think it was a big deal. Couple months later me and my boyfriend are on a break bc my black outs have gotten worse and i had kissed someone he knew at his school when i was blacked out (he said not to worry it was an accident) and he confronted me on it. We would still talk and things were looking good bc i had gotten some help to stop the black outs. Which i did after being confronted but i wanted to make sure not to have an accident. I transferred to my boyfriends school over break bc unimportant reasons but we planned a visit to my old school to see my friends. During the visit my old roommate who found out we were coming ( and for some reason doesnt like me anymore) told my boyfriend that i had hooked up with my guy friend, which wasnt true, there was physical proof that never happened. But thats when i found out how i was founf almost completely naked on top of him, and my roommate told me the wrong information 4 months earlier. I dont know my boyfriends thoughts about me now and i want to win him back bc loyalty means everything to me and i disgust myself to know that i allowed myself to get in that situation. I want to show him that wasnt really me and not my true feelings. Ive addressed and got in control of my drinking and its been over a month and i havent got that remotely close to beinf drunk. Ive given him time and space and given my side to all of this bc my roommate told him somethinf to ruin us bc she hated our happy relationship. This wasnt the biggest mistake of my life and ive never done this before, how can i possibly get him back? Im willing to work for it bc i know that isnt me and i never would do that intentionally

You mean you cheated when you were drubnk and still carried on getting drunk. Accept responsibility for that and stop hiding behind alcohol. As said maybe stop drinking because nobody esle was forcing you to.

Who knows what your bf thinks except you drink a lot and then you get blackouts. he iether believes you oe he doesnt but if you carru on drinking in that way then hes going to think can he trust you an does he want to put up with it?

Talk to bf and then its up to him. He might forgive you if he feels it was a one off or he might never trust you in the same way again.
You do realise that getting drunk is not a get out of jail free card? Stop trying to make excuses and take responsibility.
Original post by 123youesb
Are you okay? Was the, I’m guessing, sex consensual? Please put yourself first in this situation and make sure that you are okay. And regarding your boyfriend, what happens with your relationship is now completely down to him. You need to think about if you put yourself in his shoes how you would feel, it’s not an easy or simple decision to make. You just have to wait it out and hope for the best, time is the best healer. Hope your doing okay :smile:

Well she was on top of him so I presume so yeah
It's so irresponsible and dangerous to get so drunk that you pass out. You need to either drink less, or stop completely if you can't control yourself. Drunk or not, you cheated. If my boyfriend cheated on me I wouldn't accept being drunk as an excuse. If you know drinking causes you to black out, stop. Being so out of control of yourself is ridiculously dangerous for many reasons.
And we have another one of these threads lol...

"I'm so so sorry i cheated, but its alcohols fault not mine" Duh its actually your fault OP and not the alcohol :smile:
Reply 9
Avatar for ANM775
ANM775
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I hope your bf doesn't ever give you the time of day ever again. Maybe then you will learn your lesson and stop hiding behind alcohol.
Tell him you have multiple personality disorder and then date your roommate.
Loyalty is important and yet you repeatedly cheated and maintained a behaviour you knew was leading you to cheat until you got caught. Deal with your drinking problem but accept this relationship is over. Your bf deserves better.
Original post by 123youesb
Are you okay? Was the, I’m guessing, sex consensual? Please put yourself first in this situation and make sure that you are okay.

Love how you crowbarred this in.
Original post by Anonymous
She could always claim it wasn’t consensual so that she really doesn’t have to take any responsibility - that scenario seems to be common enough. Better yet, she could claim that the drink took advantage of her. Maybe she can get the demon drink locked up because clearly nothing that she does is ever her responsibility. Really pathetic.

She could have, yes, but she didn't and I kind of respect that, despite that she cheated and didn't tell her boyfriend.

But what you've said definitely applies to the person I quoted.
Original post by 123youesb
Are you okay? Was the, I’m guessing, sex consensual? Please put yourself first in this situation and make sure that you are okay. And regarding your boyfriend, what happens with your relationship is now completely down to him. You need to think about if you put yourself in his shoes how you would feel, it’s not an easy or simple decision to make. You just have to wait it out and hope for the best, time is the best healer. Hope your doing okay :smile:

I completely understand where hes at bc ive been cheated on twice and they were intentional. Ive given him the time and space he needs. Ive stopped drinking to that point and have gotten help, which wasnt difficult at all. But it just kills me bc i would never make those decisions soberly and those arent my true feelings. I know its my fault for allowing myself to be put into this situation, but i dont what to do bc 1) i wasnt told the accurate information and 2) my roommate told him this was a semester long “thing” going on which i know for certain is a lie. But he is quick to believe her and doesnt even come to me asking for what true and whats not
For those who think im hiding behind the alcohol. Im not. Ive taken full responsibility for my actions and im not using the being drunk as a get out of jail free card. Yes i shouldve taken control of my drinking the very first time and i failed to do that till the last minute. I have gotten professional help at my school and i havent gotten that close to be drunk for over a month.
I have taken responsibility for letting myself into a position that makes me a cheater. I failed to keep myself in control for so long, that is my fault and i cant blame anythinf for jt. I never wanted to hurt my boyfriend, yes he most definitly deserves better and hoping he can forgive me, i would give him that. I never ****ed anyone though during my time of being with him. I know that for certain. My roommate exaggerated what happened with things happening that didnt, i know bc it was my life. I keep learning new things about myself even though i know 100% are complete lies. Ive taken responsibility for my actions. I know what happened was wrong, i remind myself dont worry, i just want to be able to fix this anyway i possibly can.

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