I think I was sexually abused.
When I was younger, my uncle used to take me to his room and all my family was downstairs. My cousins would get jealous that I'd be his favourite, and that I'd get special attention. It's all so blurry, I don't even know how old I was. Maybe 4, 5, 6, or 7. I don't even know how long it lasted to be honest.
Anyway, he'd take me to his room and offer me chocolate if I did the things he asked me to, which where to close my eyes and open my mouth. I did it, what kid wouldn't want free chocolate? I remember once, I opened my eyes. He shouted to keep them closed, and I saw that his private area (covered by his underwear) was in my mouth and he was kind of thrusting. I know this happened a lot of times, I remember different rooms. I don't know what to think. I don't feel anything about it. I am confused. Is that bad?
Anyway, he'd take me to his room and offer me chocolate if I did the things he asked me to, which where to close my eyes and open my mouth. I did it, what kid wouldn't want free chocolate? I remember once, I opened my eyes. He shouted to keep them closed, and I saw that his private area (covered by his underwear) was in my mouth and he was kind of thrusting. I know this happened a lot of times, I remember different rooms. I don't know what to think. I don't feel anything about it. I am confused. Is that bad?
Original post by Anonymous
When I was younger, my uncle used to take me to his room and all my family was downstairs. My cousins would get jealous that I'd be his favourite, and that I'd get special attention. It's all so blurry, I don't even know how old I was. Maybe 4, 5, 6, or 7. I don't even know how long it lasted to be honest.
Anyway, he'd take me to his room and offer me chocolate if I did the things he asked me to, which where to close my eyes and open my mouth. I did it, what kid wouldn't want free chocolate? I remember once, I opened my eyes. He shouted to keep them closed, and I saw that his private area (covered by his underwear) was in my mouth and he was kind of thrusting. I know this happened a lot of times, I remember different rooms. I don't know what to think. I don't feel anything about it. I am confused. Is that bad?
Anyway, he'd take me to his room and offer me chocolate if I did the things he asked me to, which where to close my eyes and open my mouth. I did it, what kid wouldn't want free chocolate? I remember once, I opened my eyes. He shouted to keep them closed, and I saw that his private area (covered by his underwear) was in my mouth and he was kind of thrusting. I know this happened a lot of times, I remember different rooms. I don't know what to think. I don't feel anything about it. I am confused. Is that bad?
Hi anonymous
I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to go through and to be thinking about it now, being confused and not feeling anything about it.
It might be an idea to talk to someone about it. If you don't feel like talking about it with someone in person (like your GP or a family member), then you could consider contacting Childline (https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/). You can call, chat online or email them, depending on what you feel most comfortable with.
I hope things get easier for you soon
Original post by Interrobang
Hi anonymous
I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to go through and to be thinking about it now, being confused and not feeling anything about it.
It might be an idea to talk to someone about it. If you don't feel like talking about it with someone in person (like your GP or a family member), then you could consider contacting Childline (https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/). You can call, chat online or email them, depending on what you feel most comfortable with.
I hope things get easier for you soon
I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to go through and to be thinking about it now, being confused and not feeling anything about it.
It might be an idea to talk to someone about it. If you don't feel like talking about it with someone in person (like your GP or a family member), then you could consider contacting Childline (https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/). You can call, chat online or email them, depending on what you feel most comfortable with.
I hope things get easier for you soon
Thanks for your help!
I just feel like so weird that I don’t feel anything about it, you know?
Chatting online w them seems like a shout, I don’t want to tell my family for the time being. It’s complicated, my mum would believe me but I just don’t want to break the family bond which I know I shouldn’t care about but I don’t even know what I feel right now.
Thanks again
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for your help!
I just feel like so weird that I don’t feel anything about it, you know?
Chatting online w them seems like a shout, I don’t want to tell my family for the time being. It’s complicated, my mum would believe me but I just don’t want to break the family bond which I know I shouldn’t care about but I don’t even know what I feel right now.
Thanks again
I just feel like so weird that I don’t feel anything about it, you know?
Chatting online w them seems like a shout, I don’t want to tell my family for the time being. It’s complicated, my mum would believe me but I just don’t want to break the family bond which I know I shouldn’t care about but I don’t even know what I feel right now.
Thanks again
There can be all sorts of reasons for feeling like that- it could be shock, it could be a part of you not wanting to believe it, it could be your brain protecting you from awful feelings, or something else... It's a huge thing to have gone through- both at the time and when you remember it/realise that it was wrong
I hope talking to childline helps- they might be able to help you tell your family too
Glad it was helpful
(edited 5 years ago)
Has anyone else had experience of something like this? I just don’t feel anything. I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I’m starting to feel sickened, but I don’t know at what.
Hello!!
Please please talk to somebody to help you with what you're going through.
Childline are so good and supportive and will honestly advise you at completely your own pace.
It's ok to feel everything you're feeling and completely normal, don't feel forced to rush into anything if it makes you uncomfortable, but also strive to make yourself, your happiness and your safety the number one priority because you deserve it.
I'm really glad you posted on here and I hope it will give you the confidence to talk to somebody more credible than me!!!
I hope it goes well,
Stay strong
xxx
Please please talk to somebody to help you with what you're going through.
Childline are so good and supportive and will honestly advise you at completely your own pace.
It's ok to feel everything you're feeling and completely normal, don't feel forced to rush into anything if it makes you uncomfortable, but also strive to make yourself, your happiness and your safety the number one priority because you deserve it.
I'm really glad you posted on here and I hope it will give you the confidence to talk to somebody more credible than me!!!
I hope it goes well,
Stay strong
xxx
Original post by Emmy18uk
Hello!!
Please please talk to somebody to help you with what you're going through.
Childline are so good and supportive and will honestly advise you at completely your own pace.
It's ok to feel everything you're feeling and completely normal, don't feel forced to rush into anything if it makes you uncomfortable, but also strive to make yourself, your happiness and your safety the number one priority because you deserve it.
I'm really glad you posted on here and I hope it will give you the confidence to talk to somebody more credible than me!!!
I hope it goes well,
Stay strong
xxx
Please please talk to somebody to help you with what you're going through.
Childline are so good and supportive and will honestly advise you at completely your own pace.
It's ok to feel everything you're feeling and completely normal, don't feel forced to rush into anything if it makes you uncomfortable, but also strive to make yourself, your happiness and your safety the number one priority because you deserve it.
I'm really glad you posted on here and I hope it will give you the confidence to talk to somebody more credible than me!!!
I hope it goes well,
Stay strong
xxx
I think I will, I don’t know if I want to do it anytime soon, maybe in a couple of weeks cause I’m still getting the disgusting flashbacks and I’m still trying to piece everything together. Thanks for your advice I genuinely appreciate it.
I cant believe its so common. Its disgusting. I've been through the same thing and 10 years later sometimes it gets me really down and depressed cuz i feel so filthy even tho ik its not my fault. Its really messed with my head. I was fine till I started getting flashbacks as well which resulted in having a breakdown in school. Do talk about it. honestly it helps. it doesnt go away. but it makes coping easier. x
Original post by Anonymous
I cant believe its so common. Its disgusting. I've been through the same thing and 10 years later sometimes it gets me really down and depressed cuz i feel so filthy even tho ik its not my fault. Its really messed with my head. I was fine till I started getting flashbacks as well which resulted in having a breakdown in school. Do talk about it. honestly it helps. it doesnt go away. but it makes coping easier. x
It’s refreshing to hear that I’m not the only one going through it. How did you feel once you started remembering? I feel disgusting w myself that I don’t feel anything about it.
Original post by Anonymous
It’s refreshing to hear that I’m not the only one going through it. How did you feel once you started remembering? I feel disgusting w myself that I don’t feel anything about it.
Literally the exact same. I honestly hated myself for a long time. It affected me as well when i was like 12 when i still remembered etc. After it stopped I was no longer his fav niece and then that really messed with me so i turned to talkin to complete strangers online in an attempt to feel 'whole' again. During that period I forgot about the abuse and then regretted my decisions and becayse I didnt know the reason why honestly hated myself. I became harsh on myself and just hated myself. For a long time. Then literally last year is when i started getting flashbacks cuz as a prefect we had childcare training and honestly it is so painful to sit silently and listen to things about child sexual abuse. I just feel like crying. And I have this thought in my head that because its happened to me, in the future amma make sure it doesnt happen to my daughter. a couple of months later i found out it happened to my best mate but her grandad. its disgusting. how did i feel when i started remembering? I was confused,scared and still hate myself to some point. I cant help it. I just feel filthy. and it scares me cuz what if i cant have a normal relationship with someone in the future. I didnt feel anythign for a while too just confusion. Then it turned to hate and self disgust. It was a very dark time during a very stressful time as I am currently doing A-Levels. But what makes it better is when someone tells u its going to be okay. Im telling u its gunna be okay. and its okay what ur feeling too. Everything is okay. Whats happened has happened. thats okay. its also okay to not be okay. u just gotta move on and be strong. and if u need to cry just cry and let it all out and then move on. the past cant be changed. and maybe what im saying wont make things okay. ik that. but hopefully u can cope with it better. Im getting there. tbh i had a breakdown and cried to my best mate a vouple of days ago but when someone who y k and trust says its ok. it helps. a lot. honestly.
Opening up is honeslty the worst too. but its worth it and feels better after
