How to make friends at 17?

RetroMale2001

Hey, I suffered social anxiety as a result of pre 16 school bullying. I am not working on becoming more confident which is working. How can I make friends and get a girlfriend at 17 when I have neither.

Thanks.

Reply 1

mnot

Universities Forum Helper

20

Original post by RetroMale2001

Hey, I suffered social anxiety as a result of pre 16 school bullying. I am not working on becoming more confident which is working. How can I make friends and get a girlfriend at 17 when I have neither.

Thanks.

I'm no expert, and this is an unusual situation.

I would recommend just talking to people at school/college/job. If u have an interest in football/rugby/gaming chat about this. Once u have a rapport with someone ask to meet up with them at cinema or for a kick about. Start a new hobby where u have to meet people face to face.

Basically u just need to start building basic social skills, then once the foundation is in place making friends will be easier.

Dont worry about finding a gf till this is done first it doesn't matter if u wait for a gf you're still young and its very normal not to have been in a relationship at your age...

Reply 2

RetroMale2001

OP

7

Original post by mnot

I'm no expert, and this is an unusual situation.

I would recommend just talking to people at school/college/job. If u have an interest in football/rugby/gaming chat about this. Once u have a rapport with someone ask to meet up with them at cinema or for a kick about. Start a new hobby where u have to meet people face to face.

Basically u just need to start building basic social skills, then once the foundation is in place making friends will be easier.

Dont worry about finding a gf till this is done first it doesn't matter if u wait for a gf you're still young and its very normal not to have been in a relationship at your age...

I am thinking of joining a bowls club. I know bowls is usually seen as a old person activity but there is a youth bowls near where I live so I might give it a look. I am also interested in getting back into fishing so I might join a club.

Reply 3

mnot

Universities Forum Helper

20

Original post by RetroMale2001

I am thinking of joining a bowls club. I know bowls is usually seen as a old person activity but there is a youth bowls near where I live so I might give it a look. I am also interested in getting back into fishing so I might join a club.

Do it, i cant put myself in your shoes but it seems to me you just need to start something. This also gives you a schedule of meeting people who will probably become friends with in the future.
Small steps like this will can make huge difference.

Reply 4

username4542918

14

communicate with people talk with them, start the converstation with them, have confident in you

Reply 5

RetroMale2001

OP

7

Original post by mnot

Do it, i cant put myself in your shoes but it seems to me you just need to start something. This also gives you a schedule of meeting people who will probably become friends with in the future.
Small steps like this will can make huge difference.

Original post by Amnz_02

communicate with people talk with them, start the converstation with them, have confident in you

Thank You.

Reply 6

----_----

15

Original post by RetroMale2001

Hey, I suffered social anxiety as a result of pre 16 school bullying. I am not working on becoming more confident which is working. How can I make friends and get a girlfriend at 17 when I have neither.

Thanks.

I made almost all my friends at 18. When i went sixth form, i knew no one so i ended up sticking with the other people that also knew no one. I made my closer friends at the end of year 12, in lessons and during lunch times etc. I also made quite a few friends at social gatherings and parties tho i avoid the big popular ones. Alcohol really helps lol

Reply 7

Analyst89

20

Original post by RetroMale2001

Hey, I suffered social anxiety as a result of pre 16 school bullying. I am not working on becoming more confident which is working. How can I make friends and get a girlfriend at 17 when I have neither.

Thanks.

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.

Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.

Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

Be with positive people, progress, you could learn a new skill.

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's everything, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening.

Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,

Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

7) Be passionate about life.

9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed

Develop your self confidence, be it going to the gym, being with positive people, joining a club, sports club, achieving, learning a skill.

Don't worry about getting a girlfriend, you're still very young and there's plenty of avenues of getting one, be it online dating, speed dating, joining clubs, going to bars, meeting a female through education, through your network etc.

You could join some sort of an activity or club to meet new people and make friends. Also volunteering can be a good way of making new friends.

0

Reply 8

RetroMale2001

OP

7

Original post by Analyst89

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.

Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.

Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

Be with positive people, progress, you could learn a new skill.

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's everything, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening.

Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,

Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

7) Be passionate about life.

9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed

Develop your self confidence, be it going to the gym, being with positive people, joining a club, sports club, achieving, learning a skill.

Don't worry about getting a girlfriend, you're still very young and there's plenty of avenues of getting one, be it online dating, speed dating, joining clubs, going to bars, meeting a female through education, through your network etc.

You could join some sort of an activity or club to meet new people and make friends. Also volunteering can be a good way of making new friends.

0

Thank You. This is good advice.

Reply 9

RetroMale2001

OP

7

Hey, I suffered social anxiety as a result of pre 16 school bullying. I am not working on becoming more confident which is working. How can I make friends and get a girlfriend at 17 when I have neither.

Thanks.

Reply 10

Nikkkkkk

6

First . Change ur style at more hm cool lmao it gives you instant confidence boost bro

Reply 11

RetroMale2001

OP

7

Original post by Nikkkkkk

First . Change ur style at more hm cool lmao it gives you instant confidence boost bro

I don't understand what you just wrote.

Reply 12

Tilzwas

11

I found that sports clubs are a really great way of meeting people, plus they have a great feel because you'll be in a team of people. If sport isn't your thing, then try and have a look at what else there is in your area that you could do, take any opportunities you can!

I wouldn't worry about a girlfriend right now, as you might become emotionally dependent on her if you don't have many friends, so focus on yourself and building your confidence back up, there's loads of time to have girlfriends, you're only 17! Go out and meet new people and you might find someone that you like anyway 😄

Original post by RetroMale2001

Hey, I suffered social anxiety as a result of pre 16 school bullying. I am not working on becoming more confident which is working. How can I make friends and get a girlfriend at 17 when I have neither.

Thanks.

Reply 13

anosmianAcrimony

20

Original post by Analyst89

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.

Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.

Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

Be with positive people, progress, you could learn a new skill.

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's everything, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening.

Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,

Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

7) Be passionate about life.

9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed

Develop your self confidence, be it going to the gym, being with positive people, joining a club, sports club, achieving, learning a skill.

Don't worry about getting a girlfriend, you're still very young and there's plenty of avenues of getting one, be it online dating, speed dating, joining clubs, going to bars, meeting a female through education, through your network etc.

You could join some sort of an activity or club to meet new people and make friends. Also volunteering can be a good way of making new friends.

0

What happened to #8?

Reply 14

RetroMale2001

OP

7

Original post by Tilzwas

I found that sports clubs are a really great way of meeting people, plus they have a great feel because you'll be in a team of people. If sport isn't your thing, then try and have a look at what else there is in your area that you could do, take any opportunities you can!

I wouldn't worry about a girlfriend right now, as you might become emotionally dependent on her if you don't have many friends, so focus on yourself and building your confidence back up, there's loads of time to have girlfriends, you're only 17! Go out and meet new people and you might find someone that you like anyway 😄

Thank You.

Reply 15

Alaska215

15

I completely understand where your coming from as I’m in the same position. I’m 17 female btw. Hit me up if you want :wink:

Reply 16

drox_dave

6

Try going to clubs you're interested and start from there.
One of the first conversations I personally have is related to travelling, It gives me an insight of the person they are (adventurous, tolerant to difference cultures and other traits) and then I ask questions that build on what they say like ("Where did you go on holiday?" "what did you do in *holiday place*"?) if they don't say anything, have your say but relate it to the topic. Body language and facial expressions are important too but I'm sure you're not that bad. Social skills can't just be learnt over night, you've gotta put yourself in situations outside your comfort zone and proving to yourself you can do it. :smile:

Picking girls is on top of all the social skills, so its applying your social intelligence to an intimate level. However, I would say do not bother with girls at your age since they are all immature and not worth your time. If you do come across a girl you really desire, you have to have a lot of factors working together for you in order to increase your chances of succeeding but the single area that you have the most control over is your appearance.Its a known fact that to create chemistry with a girl you have to know how to connect with her emotions. Well taking excellent care of yourself will automatically trigger part of her emotions right off the bat. Think about that for a second. You don't even have to say a word to the girl and she'll already be more willing to talk to you because you've triggered her emotions
with your appearance. With that being said, here are the guidelines to follow for your appearance.

1-Workout Consistently-Ok I'm not saying that you have to look like Arnold or some Calvin Klein underwear model, but you should definitely do some sort of exercise and get yourself in decent shape.

2-Wear nice clothes-By "nice" I don't mean Gucci or Armani, just wear clean clothes that fit your body type and style. I think the most important thing here is to find a look that fits you. If you're skinny, don't go wearing XXL football jerseys and huge baggy pants. That will just magnify that fact, that your incredibly underweight. Get a pair of white shoes and black shoes. You can wear those colors with anything and it will show a girl you have a sense of style.

3-Keep all areas clean-Girls are very perceptive. They notice the smallest details about you. Get your haircut regularly. Keep all your nails clipped and clean. Make sure if you have facial hair its always looking good. If you have a fat goatee, then keep it combed, its hair isn't it. Get a beard trimmer if you have that stubble look and keep it trim. Don't have a uni-brow, go to your mom's bathroom and bust out the tweezers. Same deal goes for nose hairs. As far as other body hair goes, I trim everywhere else. Most girls, well the hot ones, usually only like hair on your head and little bit above your unit.

4-Skin care-Take good care of your skin. Most guys wash their face with soap and water and that's it. I like to go in the steam room after I work out, and eat a lot of fruit. You will be surprised, its makes a huge difference in the way your skin looks. Besides you don't want to break out the night before you hang out with a hot girl.

If you put these four factors together, you should have a higher self-esteem. This will make you more confident and help with social anxiety (I hope) which is half the battle with the girls.