How my mother made me want to kill her

When most people hear the word " mum" they think of a loving and caring woman who took care of a child from birth with great affection. My mother was none of those things.

I can still remember when I was a little girl, no more than 9. I was hiding in the bathroom while petting my beloved cat Alexandra as I cried. Just as usually my mother began shouting, screaming and hitting me as soon as we got back home. "Clean faster," "You did this wrong," she would say. This was a daily occurrence and made me hate her to the point of wanting to kill her from a very young age. She was letting her anger from her job onto me.

On the other hand, she did attempt to get me educated. Every once in a while she would sit me down for a few hours, which felt like an eternity and force me to study things I didn't even need to know. That really made me hate school and education in general. Some of you might be thinking that, oh she was trying to make sure I have a better future but no. Every once in a while she would tell me that I am to get a good job when I grow up and pay for everything for her because she raised me. She still goes about it to this day but now that I'm 17 she also started to tell me to move the **** out and get a job. Began when I was 16. I do plan to leave as soon as I can but I got to live with her till I'm 18 because I need ID and I also need the Brexit thing to get sorted. She ruined my education and doesn't want me to continue it.

This was way before I was 9 (probably 1-3) but I remember how she left me with my dad who was a huge **** just like her. She told me about how when she decided to come and get me I had dirt under my nails. my hair was like a net and I looked like I haven't been bathed for months. Nowadays if I disobey her she tells me to go back to my dad (no passport so even if he wasn't a huge ******* that wouldn't be possible.)

My mum never stops complaining. I babysit her 1-year-old child 24/7. If I try to leave the house for a walk or something she will scream and shout at me. Sometimes she starts shouting "GET THE **** OUT" till I do. Happened today but most of the time is "don't you read the house, I need to rest."

My mum basically dates around a lot, she got a few guys at the moment and often meets with her *****y friend. They go to a party for what's supposed to be a few hours but I'm lucky if they are back the next day by noon. All she does all day long is text her boyfriends.

Let's talk about money. She spends nothing on me. I got one pair of pants that I stole from her and some 3+-year-old shirts and a 1 4-year-old pair of boots that I got as a gift from someone else. I steal from her wallet to buy food and have done so since I was young cuz she won't feed me. She keeps going on rants about she will take everything I have away etc. Like *****, I steal money from you to buy myself food. What you gonna take away?

Oh yeah, if this wasn't clear enough let me let you in on a little something. Her ex-boyfriend's dog attacked me many times. I have scars on my hand and arm. Had to go to the hospital because I needed stitches. It hurt so much. I still have a huge scar. Basically, the dog would "freak out" and become really aggressive from time to time and has decided to make me it's prey. It tried to kill me. If I didn't run for my life and used my arm to cover my neck and keep the dog's teeth I would have been dead.

Her ex-boyfriend who we lived with wasn't any better. He would turn the internet off for me, ban me from eating certain things in the house, screamed at me, insulted me, threatened me with his dog and even played loud music at 3 am when I had school. My mum said nothing. I had to clean the whole house and didn't have much time for school. I was their maid.

I am thinking of writing a whole essay on how she was *****y towards me.

I think she was being abusive towards me. Even nowadays I still find it hard to talk back to her. I have been getting better at it, I will be 18 in October and will finally be free again.

All I can tell you is to hold in there for these last few months. Your mother will probably realise your intentions for when you turn 18 and she may try her best to stop that. You can almost think of it as a rite of passage into adulthood in the sense that she may be constantly be encouraging you to ruin your adulthood (intentionally or not). The smallest of a silver lining that I can see is that now you have a counter-role model for your life, suppose you do the opposite of those harmful people in your life, that would mean that to the vast majority of people you would be a saint. Imo there are a few people who may want to harm those closest to them but oftentimes the thing that keeps them from doing so is the idea of their success despite their circumstances.

At least you had some kind of response. I was flabbergasted and didn’t know what to reply.

I don't really know how to feel about this either but I'm just going with it an trying to make the best of it.

Well it sounds a pretty awful situation.

You can leave home now but I wouldn't advise it.

Come October move towns. Get any job and rent a room in a shared house. If you haven't got an education get one or get an apprenticeship.

Not every parent is great and your mum sounds awful. My parents weren't great either. I was left alone for weeks at a time while they went abroad. I was 12. I was abused by a family friend at 9. When I told my parents somehow it was my fault. My dad tried to commit suicide so many times and eventually succeeded.

These incidents can break you or make you determined. I left home at 18 and didn't go back. I am now educated with a degree and a profession. I hope you will do the same. As a parent I tried to be everything my parents weren't. I think I did it because I have 3 lovely kids. Good luck

It is quite an extraordinary circumstances to be in. Just hope OP doesn’t go on a whim and act according to their desires for a devastating outcome.

Won't do. I mean I might do it a few years in the future where there will be very little reason to think that it's me but not right now. Honestly, she and her ex are the main people I want dead or to **** over.

There are a lot of things I haven't mentioned cuz if I tried to write it all out I would be here for a very long time. But I'm gonna be short and give some extra details.

Her ex - Stole/ bribed/ assaulted/ threatened/ abused etc. other people like his exes or people that he robbed when he was in his 20s. The guy works in a well-known car-related company and makes good money. He does learn fighting techniques and different fighting styles.

My mum - Complete neglect, abuse, mostly stuff I mentioned on here but for each thing there are more examples. Btw she steals **** too and is very self-centered.

There is more but I would rather not say too much cuz this **** isn't something you hear that often and honestly I am living in a certain place I can't talk about.

Both of them pretend to be nice ideal people in front of others. Hosting BBQs, parties and inviting people over. Acting nice even after an argument and stuff in front of others.

How are you gonna get your revenge?
I recommend basically being more successful than her. Find yourself a guy who will support and never cheat on you, get yourself some grades, go to uni or get a well paid job and you’ll already be making her jealous

I plan to do it by myself, get better at her. Honestly when it comes to the revenge part of this then I'm gonna make her wonder who or how it was done. I'm not sure yet how but I will figure it out in time. For the bf I plan on suing for the dog attack, got a video of him talking with one of this ex-friends about it. Can't hear him much but it's clear that he did not deny it. I will contact her when I'm ready see what she will say, use the recording, keep my mom on my side till then. She doesn't like him so she will go with what I'm planning when I start the plan out. Revenge on her comes in after that.

Seems very complicated. Suing her bf? Do you have the funds or the time to sue him? Could you afford a lawyer? Do you think your mum will go through with the plan? Lots of questions.

Couldn’t you just use your hate as motivation to become better and more successful than her?