BF doesn't like my relationship with my BFF. Am I in the wrong here?

So I'm a girl, and I'm bisexual. I'm best friends with a lesbian I'll refer to as T from now on. We've been friends since we were in pre school and we've always been there for each other. I would say T is like my sister except when we were younger (15ish so about 5 years ago now) we briefly tried going on a date but we agreed we were better as friends. We did kiss but that was as far as it ever went.
3 years ago I met a guy I'll call B, and I told him from the start that I had a (sort of) history with T and was open about my bisexuality. I'm pretty sure I actually referred to T as my ex girlfriend when I introduced them. B and I were friends for 2 years and a bit over a year ago, we started dating.
My friend group has existed for about a decade, and included T since the beginning, and B has joined it in the last 3 years. We're all very touchy-feely, and it's not weird to see any combination of the 7 of us (including T and I) hugging or play fighting or sharing a seat.
T and I were just messing about yesterday: it was warm so the entire friend group went to the beach, T made a joke about my swimsuit and I tried to dunk her so she splashed me, then one of our friends, K, made a joke along the lines of "get a room, you two".
B has rarely gotten jealous in the year we've been together. He's had his moments but they've been few and far between, and only when it was something ridiculous like one guy who hit on me right in front of him and another guy who groped me at a concert. However, something about K's comment upset him and for the hour or so we were there after that B was acting moody and wouldn't stop touching me - pulling me onto his lap or putting an arm around me. I didn't dislike it, but PDA isn't really B's thing and it was very unusual for him, which is why I picked up on it.
When we left he seemed mad at me, and when I asked if I'd done something he kind of scoffed and kept walking, and after I pressed him on it he said that he didn't like how close me and T were.
I told him that T and I would never date. We tried, we quit halfway through the first date, we are perfectly fine just being friends. I swore he had nothing to worry about.

B feels that T and I should have cut contact 5 years ago when we failed to date, and should think more about the way we interact considering the fact that we did date at one point in time and T is currently single. He thinks she might have feelings for me that go beyond friendship and because of this isn't comfortable with us maintaining a relationship while I also have a relationship with him.
I feel that since T is my oldest and closest friend and we agreed halfway through our only "date" that we wouldn't work as a couple, the half date and kiss 5 years ago shouldn't affect our friendship today, and we're not acting any differently today to how we acted before the "date". I also told B that while I respected his want for boundaries, I wasn't comfortable completely withdrawing from T the way he seemed to want me to.

I'll admit that I'm also (probably overly) cautious about my partner questioning my friendships, as the guy I dated before B told me he didn't like any of my friends and tried to convince me to cut contact with them completely. When I did, he began to abuse me regularly, and I no longer had my friends to turn to. It wasn't until I left him that I saw my friends again, so while I realise I'm probably projecting my ex onto B, I am still overly defensive of my entire friend group due to this past abuse, and struggle with partners questioning our closeness.

B is still mad at me and hasn't spoken to me since we got back, like 8 hours ago. I love him and I don't want to upset him but T is my best friend and I don't feel comfortable withdrawing from her.
Am I in the wrong here?



TL;DR: I kissed my best friend and went on a date with her 5 years ago. My BF of 1 year is uncomfortable with our close friendship. I'm uncomfortable with him being uncomfortable.

He doesn't like your friends, he's telling you what to do! He's making you his b****!

What to do? What to do?

Dump him, find someone more decorative, entertaining and fun.

Don't wait for the ultimatums - cut loose, run free.

Well hello fellow bisexual (what a way to greet in a thread).

Firstly: NO. It isn't your fault.

I understand your situation somewhat - kinda in the same thing at the moment but I'm not actually dating my said person. The issue is that your boyfriend's jealous but for some good reason; he's probably just concerned to lose you.

You can't drop a friendship, let alone one that's lasted ages because your boyfriend's mad at you. I think he's still insecure over the fact that you guys have gone on a date and kissed, though I reckon he just needs reassurance that nothing past that single date has happened and it's blatantly obvious that you guys are just friends.

Have you talked to your bestfriend about this? It may not seem like a good idea at the moment but it might be worth the shot and see what she says.

I don't think you need to drop the friendship because you guys never actually properly dated and your boyfriend has no right to control that.

However, I think you need to calm down on the playful/teasing/flirty behavior when you are with your friend in front of your boyfriend. Since she is a lesbian and you are bisexual he is viewing her the same as if she were a straight man. Would you act touchy feely and giggly and borderline flirty with a male friend in front of your boyfriend? Probably not. It's kind of disrespectful.

I don’t blame him to be honest.

tel BF he has only 1 F BFF has 2 so BFF wins

He doesn't like your friends, he's telling you what to do! He's making you his b****!

What to do? What to do?

Dump him, find someone more decorative, entertaining and fun.

Don't wait for the ultimatums - cut loose, run free.

He's jealous and feels threatened, so he's overreacting. You and your friend tried to date, but it sounds like you hadn't gone so far as actually becoming a couple. So I'm not sure it even counts as a relationship in the long run.

You're right to not want anyone - boyfriend included - to question your friendships. You don't need to justify them to him.

What guy DOESN'T want to watch their partner frolic on the beach with their (sort of) ex and have their friends encourage it? sounds a great day

Kind of obvious you've made the guy feel insecure.

Exactly. This is a time when people can do what they want without taking personal responsibility for anything. Sexual fluidity and female empowerment rule! F your ex in front of your boyfriend if you want; if he takes offence, then that’s his fault. Remember that you are not responsible for anything you do. Good luck op.

He doesn't like your friends, he's telling you what to do! He's making you his b****!

What to do? What to do?

Dump him, find someone more decorative, entertaining and fun.

Don't wait for the ultimatums - cut loose, run free.

Exactly. This is a time when people can do what they want without taking personal responsibility for anything. Sexual fluidity and female empowerment rule! F your ex in front of your boyfriend if you want; if he takes offence, then that’s his fault. Remember that you are not responsible for anything you do. Good luck op.

Okay so fairly... mixed reaction here. (to the first response hi, fellow bi! )
I want to fix things here. I know that me being friends with my ex isn't exactly any man's dream, but it was one kiss and half a date five years ago (we went for dinner and a movie, we decided when we came out of the cinema that acting like it was a date/us dating was too weird and went back to acting normally, went to the chippy then home and never really spoke of it again) and I don't feel comfortable cutting off contact with her or anything that extreme. I only act friendly towards her, and I act the same way with the rest of our friends. I get that it's different because we dated, but I'm not even sure what we did counts as a date to begin with. He's known the both of us and seen us interact for three years, and our dynamic has never been a problem before now. And I know K didn't help things with his little joke but it was just a joke. I don't think it's a good idea to arrange to meet with or talk privately with T right now, because if we're alone together then B might get the wrong idea. I don't want B to feel bad or be insecure over this, but I am worried about the possibility of this escalating, either making things worse for us as a couple, compromising my longest friendship, or maybe even affecting my other friends.
There must be a middle ground here. Something that means I can fix things with B without losing T?

All you can really do regarding your boyfriend is tell him it's tough - you and she were together so briefly before deciding it didn't work that there's absolutely no chance of you and her trying it again, and that it's none of your boyfriend's business who you're friends with.

That...kind of sounds like it would make things far worse? Rah Rah! for independence and all, but if someone I was notionally in a relationship with was upsetting me and told me things were 'Tough' and 'None of my business' I'd be backing away v quick.

(More to OP) Personally i'd accept you've indirectly hurt your partners feelings and maybe a bit of reassurance is in order, no need to go overboard but make it clear you get that it's upset them for right or wrong, stop trying to dismiss it as a joke as they obv didn't see the it that way, hypothetically no one wanted to see Guy A stabbed outside the pub, it was just a bit of banter over football teams after all and Guy B didn't find it funny. There's a lot on your OP about how much you rely on your friends and your cautious of anyone coming between them...but your BFs experience may well involve him being cheated on in a similar situation and this is setting off warning lights for him. His feelings and insecurities are every bit as valid as yours.

T and I were just messing about yesterday: it was warm so the entire friend group went to the beach, T made a joke about my swimsuit and I tried to dunk her so she splashed me, then one of our friends, K, made a joke along the lines of "get a room, you two".
B has rarely gotten jealous in the year we've been together. He's had his moments but they've been few and far between, and only when it was something ridiculous like one guy who hit on me right in front of him and another guy who groped me at a concert. However, something about K's comment upset him and for the hour or so we were there after that B was acting moody and wouldn't stop touching me - pulling me onto his lap or putting an arm around me. I didn't dislike it, but PDA isn't really B's thing and it was very unusual for him, which is why I picked up on it.

Conversely if someone I was in a relationship with was bothered by me still being friends with someone I'd been in a relationship with in the past, but with whom it hadn't worked, I'd be showing them the door PDQ. It's not about independence, it's about the other person not accepting that remaining friends with an ex is possible.

OP doens't owe her boyfriend any reassurance. She isn't responsible for his insecurity, and he has no say over who she can be friends with. This whole "you've indirectly hurt his feelings" thing is snowflake ********. We all have insecurities, and we all have the tools to get over them. If you need reassurance from an outside influence, you're not ready for a relationship.

I'm actually still friends with an ex - not simply friends, and not simply an ex; we're very close friends, and we were going to be married. We broke up amicably, because she realized she was gay, and after a period of no contact we resumed a friendship which has become as close as it was before we were together. I do not feel as I did for her, but at the same time she is one of the closest friends I've ever had, and she feels the same about me. If I started seeing someone who that made uncomfortable, they'd just have to learn to not be uncomfortable or else sling their hook. Though them being uncomfortable in the first place would be a sign of a kind of person I wouldn't want to be around anyway.

That...kind of sounds like it would make things far worse? Rah Rah! for independence and all, but if someone I was notionally in a relationship with was upsetting me and told me things were 'Tough' and 'None of my business' I'd be backing away v quick.

(More to OP) Personally i'd accept you've indirectly hurt your partners feelings and maybe a bit of reassurance is in order, no need to go overboard but make it clear you get that it's upset them for right or wrong, stop trying to dismiss it as a joke as they obv didn't see the it that way, hypothetically no one wanted to see Guy A stabbed outside the pub, it was just a bit of banter over football teams after all and Guy B didn't find it funny. There's a lot on your OP about how much you rely on your friends and your cautious of anyone coming between them...but your BFs experience may well involve him being cheated on in a similar situation and this is setting off warning lights for him. His feelings and insecurities are every bit as valid as yours.

I agree there no reason they can't stay friends, I'm close friends with several of mine and I'm not suggesting the OP accept 'guilt' or for a second cut their friends off or stop being close to them, but in my book if your partner is upset you should be doing something about it.

To me, in this post, you're coming off as very emotionally blunt and thinking only in absolutes, what you dismiss as snowflake bullsht I just see as being capable of viewing things with balance, but we're obv v different people