He doesnt tip the waiter, thoughts?

So I have been dating this guy for a few months now. We've never really eaten out during this time (we cook a lot). Basically he treated me to dinner last night and refused to leave a tip. I have worked in waitressing/hospitality for 10 years so this is a biggy for me, I always tip well. I asked him why and he said "well people don't tip me for my job" (he owns his own tyre company). I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't understand the industry so tried to explain it to him and he brushed it off/didn't really listen or care. In the end I left the tip because I felt so embarrassed.

I know this sounds trivial but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I felt so unattracted To him after this, and felt undervalued when he brushed off my opinion. When I confronted him he said I made him feel uncomfortable and asked to leave.

Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated!

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Reply 1

Oxford Mum

My ex husband went to Paris with me, and nicked all the tips everyone else left for the waiters. So it could be worse :wink:

But this is symptomatic of an underlying problem- one of meanness with money, as well as a lack of respect for hardworking waiters/waitresses. This can be just plain embarrassing at times, or can lead to worse problems further down the line. I don't think men realise just how badly avarice is viewed by women (myself included). Maybe you should tell you how this is preying on your mind, given your job and how you feel about his actions. Then you can either decide if this is no biggy, or a game changer. Hopefully he will not want to lose you over this.

Original post by Anonymous

Reply 2

AzureCeleste

I find it weird that he point blank refused to.
Fair enough if he doesn't want to leave a tip, but if someone pressured me I'd leave a couple of pounds or something

Reply 3

Reue

Original post by Anonymous

he treated me to dinner last night

Stopped reading after this. Do him a favour and leave him so he can find someone more grateful.

Reply 4

1582

Volunteer Team

You tried to force your view on him - in public at that. It's understandable that you made him feel uncomfortable. You say you felt embarrassed by it and he most likely did too.

Tipping is not a requirement. In that regard he did nothing wrong. You two should talk it out now that you've hopefully both had time to cool off. But please don't try to force your views on him again.

Reply 5

StriderHort

Original post by Oxford Mum

I don't think men realise just how badly avarice is viewed by women (myself included).

I feel this a bit unfair, you think men have no awareness and dislike of the gold digger? People can be considerate or selfish regardless of gender. Although if your ex was the sort of jakey to steal tips of tables I can kind of see where the venom comes from...

TO OP in general, I always felt the 'I don't tip' scene from Reservoir Dogs was a well wrote example of how it's possible to make some valid points about refusing to tip...but still angering and alienating your fellow diners by being a dk about it.

BTW yeah, if someone was buying me dinner i'd generally insist on leaving the tip.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 6

Racsoix

It's a tip. Nothing about it is compulsory.

Reply 7

Oxford Mum

Yes, I see your point entirely. This just shows there are two sides to every story. I am sorry if I offended you. :s-smilie:

Original post by StriderHort

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

This isn’t America. I only tip if the service has been good or if the server has been nice. You should have tipped with the money you saved from the free meal.

Reply 9

Bio 7

Original post by Anonymous

This isn’t America. I only tip if the service has been good or if the server has been nice. You should have tipped with the money you saved from the free meal.

Beat me to saying that.

Reply 10

bones-mccoy

Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. The worrying part is that he refused to even listen to your reasoning why tips are so important in the food service industry. The refusal to educate himself would be off putting rather than not tipping to start with.

Reply 11

Trinculo

Where did you go that there wasn't already a service charge?

If he paid service, then absolutely he shouldn't have left a tip.

Reply 12

StriderHort

No offence caused at all :smile:

Just wanted to make it clear that dislike of avarice is common,

Original post by Oxford Mum

Yes, I see your point entirely. This just shows there are two sides to every story. I am sorry if I offended you. :s-smilie:

Reply 13

ANM775

Original post by bones-mccoy

They get paid a base rate

A tip is just a bonus

Vast majority of people don't get bonuses or tips simply for doing their job so why should he supplement them out of his own pocket like this?

If the base rate is too low then they shouldn't take the job in the first place.
I think OP's guy is better off shot of her.
If a girl kept making a fuss of not leaving a tip when I'm the one PAYING and taking her to dinner I'd soon get rid.
I would say to a girl like this that If a tip is that important to you then YOU leave a tip with all the money you've saved from not paying for the meal.

Reply 14

Anonymous #3

why didnt you tip instead of relying on him for money?

Reply 15

JTfoxlove

Yeah I hate that. We won't go out with folk that don't tip.

In the UK everyone in an applicable service industry starts at 5% with me - good service will raise it to 10% (which should be guaranteed), poor service will drop it. I've only ever once left no tip.

There's a bigger issue here though. You raised the issue as something that was important to you and he ignored you.

Reply 16

bones-mccoy

Original post by ANM775

I'm not arguing about whether to tip or not. I'm talking about the boyfriend's refusal to even listen to her point of view when she has vast experience in that line of work.

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

Original post by bones-mccoy

I'm not arguing about whether to tip or not. I'm talking about the boyfriend's refusal to even listen to her point of view when she has vast experience in that line of work.