Girl has boyfrind, but we cuddled in bed, link arms, etc Advice
EDIT: Please see post 23 for an update! Click here
Long story... but title says it. I've been meeting up with a girl who has a boyfriend - we get on so well and I am immensely attracted to her (Girl of my dreams). She like a soul-mate. We seem pretty close and the other night she chose not to get late bus back home and stopped at mine and cuddled me in bed (she wanted too), she links arms with me sometimes when we are out and plays with my hair, we just really enjoy each others company. I'm just totally confused about what I should do. I didn't make a move to cheat on her in bed and that not in my nature. She's mentioned her bf a couple of times, she said is travelling to see him this weekend and sounded like she wasn't sure if she was going to and sort of hinted she felt like she has to because he comes to her mostly. I don't know weather to read that though the lines to say her relationship isn't working. The reason I found out she had a bf initially was because I asked her out on a date.What do I do? I want to be with this person.I feel like I want and need to open up to her to tell her that I really like her and that I'm confused by her actions when she has a bf. As it doest seem appropriate to me. I really feel I need to do something about this now as has been driving me mad.
Long story... but title says it. I've been meeting up with a girl who has a boyfriend - we get on so well and I am immensely attracted to her (Girl of my dreams). She like a soul-mate. We seem pretty close and the other night she chose not to get late bus back home and stopped at mine and cuddled me in bed (she wanted too), she links arms with me sometimes when we are out and plays with my hair, we just really enjoy each others company. I'm just totally confused about what I should do. I didn't make a move to cheat on her in bed and that not in my nature. She's mentioned her bf a couple of times, she said is travelling to see him this weekend and sounded like she wasn't sure if she was going to and sort of hinted she felt like she has to because he comes to her mostly. I don't know weather to read that though the lines to say her relationship isn't working. The reason I found out she had a bf initially was because I asked her out on a date.What do I do? I want to be with this person.I feel like I want and need to open up to her to tell her that I really like her and that I'm confused by her actions when she has a bf. As it doest seem appropriate to me. I really feel I need to do something about this now as has been driving me mad.
(edited 4 years ago)
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Original post by oliver19232
it doest seem appropriate to me.
You're right, it's not.
This sounds like a really difficult situation, but I reckon it's probably an idea to just ask her what her feelings are otherwise you'll never know and it'll just keep spiralling into something worse
Original post by oliver19232
Long story... but title says it. I've been meeting up with a girl who has a boyfriend - we get on so well and I am immensely attracted to her (Girl of my dreams). She like a soul-mate. We seem pretty close and the other night she chose not to get late bus back home and stopped at mine and cuddled me in bed (she wanted too), she links arms with me sometimes when we are out and plays with my hair, we just really enjoy each others company. I'm just totally confused about what I should do. I didn't make a move to cheat on her in bed and that not in my nature. She's mentioned her bf a couple of times, she said is travelling to see him this weekend and sounded like she wasn't sure if she was going to and sort of hinted she felt like she has to because he comes to her mostly. I don't know weather to read that though the lines to say her relationship isn't working. The reason I found out she had a bf initially was because I asked her out on a date.What do I do? I want to be with this person.I feel like I want and need to open up to her to tell her that I really like her and that I'm confused by her actions when she has a bf. As it doest seem appropriate to me. I really feel I need to do something about this now as has been driving me mad.
Thanks,
The thing is I kind of deserve this because I still went after her even though I knew she had a bf, me messaging her etc. I couldn't not because she is just like everything I want in a person. So I kind of feel guilty too. I just wasn't expecting it to get this far and now I'm here and I'm stuck. And at the same time she feels like the most amazing friend, so I'm not sure yet if I would cut her out of my life completely if she said no, but I wouldn't want.her to be leading me on still. So I guess I need an answer.
If it's a no, its going to be hard for me because I will be alone forever - I all want is an amazing relationship romantic with someone in my life, I've never wanted mediocrity and I've always been single because of it, its drove me mad that I met this jaw-droping girl (literally the most beautiful person I have laid my eyes on, who I love spending time with), and she already has a bf and yet she seems to like me, I really don't know how I have gotten myself into this situation from having no experience of any relationships in my life prior.
The thing is I kind of deserve this because I still went after her even though I knew she had a bf, me messaging her etc. I couldn't not because she is just like everything I want in a person. So I kind of feel guilty too. I just wasn't expecting it to get this far and now I'm here and I'm stuck. And at the same time she feels like the most amazing friend, so I'm not sure yet if I would cut her out of my life completely if she said no, but I wouldn't want.her to be leading me on still. So I guess I need an answer.
If it's a no, its going to be hard for me because I will be alone forever - I all want is an amazing relationship romantic with someone in my life, I've never wanted mediocrity and I've always been single because of it, its drove me mad that I met this jaw-droping girl (literally the most beautiful person I have laid my eyes on, who I love spending time with), and she already has a bf and yet she seems to like me, I really don't know how I have gotten myself into this situation from having no experience of any relationships in my life prior.
Thing is, even if you do get yourself into an relationship with her, your going to be in a constant state of worry when times get rough, mainly due to the manner in which you met one another and bonded. I might not know anything about her bf and what pain he might have caused her, but if she is capable of doing this to him behind his back, than whats to say she won't do it to you?
Original post by oliver19232
Long story... but title says it. I've been meeting up with a girl who has a boyfriend - we get on so well and I am immensely attracted to her (Girl of my dreams). She like a soul-mate. We seem pretty close and the other night she chose not to get late bus back home and stopped at mine and cuddled me in bed (she wanted too), she links arms with me sometimes when we are out and plays with my hair, we just really enjoy each others company. I'm just totally confused about what I should do. I didn't make a move to cheat on her in bed and that not in my nature. She's mentioned her bf a couple of times, she said is travelling to see him this weekend and sounded like she wasn't sure if she was going to and sort of hinted she felt like she has to because he comes to her mostly. I don't know weather to read that though the lines to say her relationship isn't working. The reason I found out she had a bf initially was because I asked her out on a date.What do I do? I want to be with this person.I feel like I want and need to open up to her to tell her that I really like her and that I'm confused by her actions when she has a bf. As it doest seem appropriate to me. I really feel I need to do something about this now as has been driving me mad.
Original post by Molseh
Ask her straight up if she is interested in you. If she is, give her the ultimatum to break up with her boyfriend. If she isn't, it is time to pull back from what you are doing with her.
I wouldn't even do that. If she's comfortable cheating on her current boyfriend in no uncertain circumstances then she'll quite likely do it again
If I were you, I'd tell the boyfriend and try not to get hurt
Original post by oliver19232
Thanks,
The thing is I kind of deserve this because I still went after her even though I knew she had a bf, me messaging her etc. I couldn't not because she is just like everything I want in a person. So I kind of feel guilty too. I just wasn't expecting it to get this far and now I'm here and I'm stuck. And at the same time she feels like the most amazing friend, so I'm not sure yet if I would cut her out of my life completely if she said no, but I wouldn't want.her to be leading me on still. So I guess I need an answer.
If it's a no, its going to be hard for me because I will be alone forever - I all want is an amazing relationship romantic with someone in my life, I've never wanted mediocrity and I've always been single because of it, its drove me mad that I met this jaw-droping girl (literally the most beautiful person I have laid my eyes on, who I love spending time with), and she already has a bf and yet she seems to like me, I really don't know how I have gotten myself into this situation from having no experience of any relationships in my life prior.
The thing is I kind of deserve this because I still went after her even though I knew she had a bf, me messaging her etc. I couldn't not because she is just like everything I want in a person. So I kind of feel guilty too. I just wasn't expecting it to get this far and now I'm here and I'm stuck. And at the same time she feels like the most amazing friend, so I'm not sure yet if I would cut her out of my life completely if she said no, but I wouldn't want.her to be leading me on still. So I guess I need an answer.
If it's a no, its going to be hard for me because I will be alone forever - I all want is an amazing relationship romantic with someone in my life, I've never wanted mediocrity and I've always been single because of it, its drove me mad that I met this jaw-droping girl (literally the most beautiful person I have laid my eyes on, who I love spending time with), and she already has a bf and yet she seems to like me, I really don't know how I have gotten myself into this situation from having no experience of any relationships in my life prior.
You are a bit guilty. She's definitely the bad guy but you're complicit. I get why you feel stuck though and why you want to keep it going.
If you really want to take the risk (of having a girlfriend who's a cheater) because you don't want to lose her, give her the ultimatum Molseh suggested. If you stay with what you're doing though you'll end up feeling second best because you'll see that you don't mean enough to her to get commitment.
Equally, you could just tone down the relationship. You don't need to tell her anything, just go out like friends instead of cuddling in bed.
You'll find another girl. Hopefully one good enough to not cheat on you or any of her previous boyfriends.
Thanks for the replies,
I asked her straight... And she actually wanted to bring it up with me when she saw me last night, but didn't know how.
Basically she wanted to be friends and was a bit gutted that I asked her out because she enjoys my company so much and wanted to be friends still afterwards (and she knows that cain't always work), and accepts that cuddling up to me when she stopped over was really not cool.
She's been totally honest and open with me.
I'm still gathering my thoughts, its hard to process..... it feels like I found my greatest friend who is also the girl of my dreams.
It's like I really want to massively open up about this relationship problem to her as my best friend, but it's relationship is about her. This is one of the most bizarre experiences of my life.
I asked her straight... And she actually wanted to bring it up with me when she saw me last night, but didn't know how.
Basically she wanted to be friends and was a bit gutted that I asked her out because she enjoys my company so much and wanted to be friends still afterwards (and she knows that cain't always work), and accepts that cuddling up to me when she stopped over was really not cool.
She's been totally honest and open with me.
I'm still gathering my thoughts, its hard to process..... it feels like I found my greatest friend who is also the girl of my dreams.
It's like I really want to massively open up about this relationship problem to her as my best friend, but it's relationship is about her. This is one of the most bizarre experiences of my life.
(edited 5 years ago)
I told her that she had a big effect on my life when I met her and that felt like I had met a soulmate, she's taken it as massive compliment. which is lovely.
But I don't know how to deal with this from now. either way I loose.
I either say I can't be friends because I still have feelings for her, and loose an amazing friendship that I never previously though I could have with anyone.
Or I remain amazing friends, and probably never get over the fact that it can't be anything more than that.
This is the most heartbreaking situation I have even been in.
But I don't know how to deal with this from now. either way I loose.
I either say I can't be friends because I still have feelings for her, and loose an amazing friendship that I never previously though I could have with anyone.
Or I remain amazing friends, and probably never get over the fact that it can't be anything more than that.
This is the most heartbreaking situation I have even been in.
how the hell did she end up in your bed? and then you "cuddled" and didnt even have sex?
this smells like kids playing adult games in a childish way. almost positive you two are 17.
this smells like kids playing adult games in a childish way. almost positive you two are 17.
I don't know what the average age of this forum is as it is a student forum, but it just seemed to be a good place to get some response.
No we are actually both 25 so we are mature.
After a night where she was local to where I was, it was late and ended up got dropped of near mine, she wasn't sure if she wanted to get public transport and was tired. she wanted water.... and asked if I cad a couch or double bed (no couch but double bed) and any pajamas. I feel bad because I sort of let it happen as well (I kind of glad it did in a way because I wouldn't be talking to her about it now as its all come to a head). I respected her boundaries and did not make a move on her, even though she started the cuddling, and I don't think she would have given me the chance anyway from the messages Ive had today, she's made it clear she still wanted to be friends after I asked her out, she is quite a spontaneous person. she realised it was a stupid move in hindsight and feels bad for giving me mixed signals.
No we are actually both 25 so we are mature.
After a night where she was local to where I was, it was late and ended up got dropped of near mine, she wasn't sure if she wanted to get public transport and was tired. she wanted water.... and asked if I cad a couch or double bed (no couch but double bed) and any pajamas. I feel bad because I sort of let it happen as well (I kind of glad it did in a way because I wouldn't be talking to her about it now as its all come to a head). I respected her boundaries and did not make a move on her, even though she started the cuddling, and I don't think she would have given me the chance anyway from the messages Ive had today, she's made it clear she still wanted to be friends after I asked her out, she is quite a spontaneous person. she realised it was a stupid move in hindsight and feels bad for giving me mixed signals.
Original post by Bang Outta Order
how the hell did she end up in your bed? and then you "cuddled" and didnt even have sex?
this smells like kids playing adult games in a childish way. almost positive you two are 17.
this smells like kids playing adult games in a childish way. almost positive you two are 17.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by oliver19232
I don't know what the average age of this forum is as it is a student forum, but it just seemed to be a good place to get some response.
No we are actually both 25 so we are mature.
After a night where she was local to where I was, it was late and ended up got dropped of near mine, she wasn't sure if she wanted to get public transport and was tired. she wanted water.... and asked if I cad a couch or double bed (no couch but double bed) and any pajamas. I feel bad because I sort of let it happen as well (I kind of glad it did in a way because I wouldn't be talking to her about it now as its all come to a head). I respected her boundaries and did not make a move on her, even though she started the cuddling, and I don't think she would have given me the chance anyway from the messages Ive had today, she's made it clear she still wanted to be friends after I asked her out, she quite a spontaneous person. she realised it was a stupid move in hindsight and feels bad for giving me mixed signals.
No we are actually both 25 so we are mature.
After a night where she was local to where I was, it was late and ended up got dropped of near mine, she wasn't sure if she wanted to get public transport and was tired. she wanted water.... and asked if I cad a couch or double bed (no couch but double bed) and any pajamas. I feel bad because I sort of let it happen as well (I kind of glad it did in a way because I wouldn't be talking to her about it now as its all come to a head). I respected her boundaries and did not make a move on her, even though she started the cuddling, and I don't think she would have given me the chance anyway from the messages Ive had today, she's made it clear she still wanted to be friends after I asked her out, she quite a spontaneous person. she realised it was a stupid move in hindsight and feels bad for giving me mixed signals.
you're a huge idiot for not trying something when she was cuddling you up in bed [and I mean that in a respectful way]
Talk to her about it. if anything she's being the massive douche leading you on when she has a boyfriend. I wouldn't recommend doing anything about it until she says something. If she's that willing to emotionally cheat on her boyfriend, she's likely to do the same to you in future.
Thanks guys,
I've come to my solution, that I'm happy with, I just couldn't drop the great friendship completely, nor could I just suddenly pretend it all never happened, so I've just asked to keep some space for now and if we either feel the need to reconnect in the future then I'm sure we will. I think this is a good and satisfying compromise (for me at least, there was no way I could just completely cut her off because the friendship we have is just like noting I've had before and I need the space right now to get my mind away from it).
I've come to my solution, that I'm happy with, I just couldn't drop the great friendship completely, nor could I just suddenly pretend it all never happened, so I've just asked to keep some space for now and if we either feel the need to reconnect in the future then I'm sure we will. I think this is a good and satisfying compromise (for me at least, there was no way I could just completely cut her off because the friendship we have is just like noting I've had before and I need the space right now to get my mind away from it).
You deserve to be cheated on if you help her to cheat. I would choose someone who has a bit of a moral compass though and maybe you should purchase one for yourself while you’re at it.
Original post by YaliaV
You deserve to be cheated on if you help her to cheat. I would choose someone who has a bit of a moral compass though and maybe you should purchase one for yourself while you’re at it.
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