My boyfriend wants me to start getting better at being more sexual

Asses the meaning of your relationship, you have to cater for each others needs but he should not force you to be anything or do anything you do not want, you may have to agree that you two are not compatible and have to move on. But if you both can come to a compromise suiting both of you then that'd be ideal, but if you both still get angry at each other then the relationship isn't going to work out.

Reply 3

OP

I have told him that. But he says that it’s always about me all the time.

Original post by Anonymous

Don’t feel pressured into anything. If you’re not up to it or ready then you do not have to do it. Explain to your boyfriend why and if he’s a half decent guy he’ll understand

Reply 4

BlueIndigoViolet

19

dont feel pressured, if he continues making you feel bad about it, not a healthy relationship so may want to reconsider if you feel it is serious and pressurising you - dont be afraid to speak your mind and put your foot down

Reply 5

Notoriety

22

Original post by Max1989

Asses the meaning of your relationship, you have to cater for each others needs but he should not force you to be anything or do anything you do not want, you may have to agree that you two are not compatible and have to move on. But if you both can come to a compromise suiting both of you then that'd be ideal, but if you both still get angry at each other then the relationship isn't going to work out.

First time I've realised that asses is the plural of ass.

Reply 6

OP

I’ve told him many times that I have a low sex drive. But he just says to me that I should be more sexy and we should have sex like 4 times a week.

Original post by BlueIndigoViolet

dont feel pressured, if he continues making you feel bad about it, not a healthy relationship so may want to reconsider if you feel it is serious and pressurising you - dont be afraid to speak your mind and put your foot down

Reply 7

Original post by Notoriety

First time I've realised that asses is the plural of ass.

Bummer.

Reply 8

OP

We have tried to make things work. But then he goes back to normal again.

Original post by Max1989

Asses the meaning of your relationship, you have to cater for each others needs but he should not force you to be anything or do anything you do not want, you may have to agree that you two are not compatible and have to move on. But if you both can come to a compromise suiting both of you then that'd be ideal, but if you both still get angry at each other then the relationship isn't going to work out.

Original post by Ermno12

I’ve told him many times that I have a low sex drive. But he just says to me that I should be more sexy and we should have sex like 4 times a week.

It sounds like you two aren't compatible. This isn't the type of problem that goes away in a relationship.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 10

Original post by Ermno12

We have tried to make things work. But then he goes back to normal again.

Then things aren't working, relationships are a two way road, of he isn't getting what he feels he needs, and you feel pressurised into suiting his needs and neglecting your own it is not healthy, He should respect you, if he doesn't then is that love?

Reply 11

xoxAngel_Kxox

21

Getting moody because your partner says no to sex is a form of emotional abuse, as he's basically trying to guilt you into having sex with him.

You can't help your sex drive, so your boyfriend either needs to put up with it, or you guys need to break up - because issues like this will become bigger over time.

Reply 12

agrew

14

You're not compatible, no need to blame each other.

Reply 13

AlwaysBroke.

17

Original post by Ermno12

I’ve told him many times that I have a low sex drive. But he just says to me that I should be more sexy and we should have sex like 4 times a week.

4 TIMES A WEEK? HOLY SH*T!! Your boyfreind needs to partake in this years No Nut November or something jesus

Reply 14

Notoriety

22

Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox

Getting moody because your partner says no to sex is a form of emotional abuse, as he's basically trying to guilt you into having sex with him.

You can't help your sex drive, so your boyfriend either needs to put up with it, or you guys need to break up - because issues like this will become bigger over time.

Wouldn't that mean that whenever someone pouts over not getting their own way, that's a form of emotional abuse? I think it's a part of expressing yourself in a relationship -- but what would I know.

Reply 15

OP

I just don’t know what to do?

Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox

Getting moody because your partner says no to sex is a form of emotional abuse, as he's basically trying to guilt you into having sex with him.

You can't help your sex drive, so your boyfriend either needs to put up with it, or you guys need to break up - because issues like this will become bigger over time.

Reply 16

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by Ermno12

I have a low sex drive. My boyfriend keeps telling me to be more sexual and to start having sex more. Which I think he doesn’t understands me. Like he gets really moody when I say no to it. What should I do

After reading your other replies, it does sound like it just won't work between you. I have a lower sex drive than my boyfriend, but he says as long as I don't ignore him and still do want to be sexual regularly, it doesn't bother him. Spending time with each other without sex is satisfying too. However with your boyfriend, sex seems to be his number 1 priority. He is also being pretty selfish not considering the impact it's having on you, or how it must feel to have a low sex drive. It's not your fault, so please don't blame yourself. This sex issue is bringing out other problems with him - lack of understanding, lack of respect, lack of communication. you might be able to find a solution for the sex issue, but if he gets so moody over this then it's likely he will when other things don't go his way.

My advice is to break up, and just tell him he should be with someone who wants sex more and you should be with someone who cares about your feelings and respects your choices. I can't see this relationship becoming good in the future.

Reply 17

Anya P

4

I read a quote yesterday which applies to this situation, take the sex away from relationships and you'll come to realise that not many individuals have much to offer. This generation is so pressed for physicality that y'all forget mentality creates the bond and forms longevity. What you should do is assess the relationship by taking the sex out of it. Sex is just desire. By the time you're 50 you'll be having it about once a month anyways. So, is there more to this relationship that means you'll want to continue putting up with his moodiness. It's not your fault that you have a low sex drive and you shouldn't be out down for it. However, he can change his ways instead. People who have been single for so long and sexually inactive for years as a result know that they can reduce how many times they have sex because they've been used to not having it for a long time. Over time, he'll start to become less frustrated but it doesn't condemn his behaviour. He shouldn't be moody at you. If you say no then that's that. If he continues this way then it'll become an even bigger abusive issue, whereby you'll be constantly feeling inadequate and he'll feel it right to be rude to you. An example of this is (if you'd like to see) is Amber and Jim Marchese from Real Housewives of New Jersey, when they went onto Marriage Boot Camp. Amber has a low sex drive due to medications she takes and also her view on sex yet her husband is practically a sex maniac (the episode is Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars Season 6 Episode 5 & 6). The way he acts towards her when she denies him is absolutely awful and what's more awful is that she chose to still stay with him. I gooe it helps to find another couple to see an example of of how toxic it could end up being if you don't deal with it properly. You're not alone in how you feel but how you choose to act should only be for you and not for him.

Reply 18

Apachecow

19

I think you are all a bit keen to call it a day guys!

What happens when he tries to initiate and you don't want to? There are other ways of satisfying a partner other than full blown sex. Would you be happy BJ/HJ even get a fleshlight and use it together? It's not much different to making someone a drink when you don't really want to but you do it because you care.

I think the other issue - I'll try to be delicate here - is there is nothing wrong with you still having sex even if you are not super in the mood for it. You don't have to wait until the girl is gagging for it, as long as the OP is OK with that. I've had some great sex that way and I know I put extra effort in to get her going when it happens that she's often had a good time too.

Finally he does have to respect that no does mean no and sometimes you are just really not in the mood. He can always take care of himself. Just don't judge the poor guy if he does - there's too many 'boyfriend watches porn and masturbates and it hurts my feelings' threads on here for my liking.

If you get on in other ways this is fixable IMO.

Reply 19