Need advice on how to get over a bad fight with my partner, struggling to forgive him Watch

Ciel.
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Long story short, recently my life spiraled a bit out of control. The usual stuff, meaning spending way too much money on all sorts of useless crap, too much partying, and cheating. All this led to a pretty bad argument between me and my boyfriend. At one point when he was trying to stop me from leaving the house, he ended up hitting me in the face and dislocating my shoulder.

He apologised, of course. I'm not mad at him anymore, to be perfectly honest, I know I deserved it. But for some crazy reason, my brain has now developed this crazy aversion towards him, it's come to the point where I don't even want him to touch me. I just find myself avoiding him all the time. He suddenly reminds me of someone I hate, which is plain stupid and illogical. I need advice on how to put our relationship back on track.
Last edited by Ciel.; 2 months ago
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angel.xo
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i don't want to sound rude but your so mean to your boyfriend and hes been there for you for so long. don't you feel guilty and sad about it? what if he died tomorrow can you imagine how heartbroken that would be...stop fighting!
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username4658476
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Honestly, this does not sound like a healthy relationship. Both of you clearly have personal issues you need to resolve. Your infidelity has led him to have serious trust issues, resulting in possessive behaviour from your boyfriend.

I suggest both of you put this relationship on hold until you are both mentally mature enough to handle a relationship.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by angel.xo)
i don't want to sound rude but your so mean to your boyfriend and hes been there for you for so long. don't you feel guilty and sad about it? what if he died tomorrow can you imagine how heartbroken that would be...stop fighting!
I do, but I have little self control at times. And it's impossible to completely avoid arguments in a relationship.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by PhylaVell)
Honestly, this does not sound like a healthy relationship. Both of you clearly have personal issues you need to resolve. Your infidelity has led him to have serious trust issues, resulting in possessive behaviour from your boyfriend.

I suggest both of you put this relationship on hold until you are both mentally mature enough to handle a relationship.
But I'm already in my twenties. It's just not happening. Pretty sure my personality is already formed, lol.
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As everyone has pointed out and you've continually denied, you have a lot of severe mental health problems/disorders, most notably NPD. Nothing like this will ever stop happening until you admit to yourself that you need to get help for these problems and get it. But that's never gonna happen, so there's no solution I'm afraid.
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angel.xo
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(Original post by Ciel.)
I do, but I have little self control at times. And it's impossible to completely avoid arguments in a relationship.
it is hard because sometimes when you show anger it means you care but hes been there for you through all your depressive events/break downs. you need to appreciate him otherwise you will lose him for real. i know it must be difficult cos its hard to think right during depression but find your love for him and collect your thoughts
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Notoriety
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How does hitting you in the face dislocate your shoulder?

You need him for your recovery, by the sounds of it. I think a honest and open conversation is needed for you both to get over your resentments.
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angel.xo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As everyone has pointed out and you've continually denied, you have a lot of severe mental health problems/disorders, most notably NPD. Nothing like this will ever stop happening until you admit to yourself that you need to get help for these problems and get it. But that's never gonna happen, so there's no solution I'm afraid.
he does have mh problems but you dont need to be mean to him about it. theres still hope that he will realise the good around him.
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(Original post by angel.xo)
he does have mh problems but you dont need to be mean to him about it. theres still hope that he will realise the good around him.
Wasn't trying to be mean. Was trying to be blunt because people being nice to him about it never seemed to work.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As everyone has pointed out and you've continually denied, you have a lot of severe mental health problems/disorders, most notably NPD. Nothing like this will ever stop happening until you admit to yourself that you need to get help for these problems and get it. But that's never gonna happen, so there's no solution I'm afraid.
I do not have NPD. Who do you think you are, anyway, making such dumb claims that have no logical basis? You don't even know me.
(Original post by angel.xo)
it is hard because sometimes when you show anger it means you care but hes been there for you through all your depressive events/break downs. you need to appreciate him otherwise you will lose him for real. i know it must be difficult cos its hard to think right during depression but find your love for him and collect your thoughts
Yeah, I'm trying, but it's difficult. It's like my brain now associates him with something bad and doesn't want him around.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Notoriety)
How does hitting you in the face dislocate your shoulder?

You need him for your recovery, by the sounds of it. I think a honest and open conversation is needed for you both to get over your resentments.
I will give you his number, you can ask him. 😂

But I don't know what to say. I already accepted his apology. I just feel like I don't want to spend time with him anymore...
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TheRealMacbeth
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Typical Jacobean wife’s would be submissive to their husbands as they are less masculine.


(Original post by Ciel.)
Long story short, recently my life spiraled a bit out of control. The usual stuff, meaning spending way too much money on all sorts of useless crap, too much partying, and cheating. All this led to a pretty bad argument between me and my boyfriend. At one point when he was trying to stop me from leaving the house, he ended up hitting me in the face and dislocating my shoulder.

He apologised, of course. I'm not mad at him anymore, to be perfectly honest, I know I deserved it. But for some crazy reason, my brain has now developed this crazy aversion towards him, it's come to the point where I don't even want him to touch me. I just find myself avoiding him all the time. He suddenly reminds me of someone I hate, which is plain stupid and illogical. I need advice on how to put our relationship back on track.
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angel.xo
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(Original post by Ciel.)
Yeah, I'm trying, but it's difficult. It's like my brain now associates him with something bad and doesn't want him around.
i think he really loves you. its hard taking care of somebody whos depressed but he does it because he genuinely loves you. why else would he stay? if you are angry about the fight wait some time to cool off but please start to appreciate it because if you lose him you will regret it all your life. you cant think straight right now because thats what depression does to you.
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angel.xo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Wasn't trying to be mean. Was trying to be blunt because people being nice to him about it never seemed to work.
it was rude and if you knew anything about depression you would know it doesnt end up great if you're "blunt and cold" towards them.
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Notoriety
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(Original post by Ciel.)
I will give you his number, you can ask him. 😂

But I don't know what to say. I already accepted his apology. I just feel like I don't want to spend time with him anymore...
Please do. Need a big strong man meself.
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Professional G
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So what I’m hearing is that karma has caught up to you?
Didn’t people already warn you about this?
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sinfonietta
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Unfortunately it sounds like your relationship may have run its course. Physical abuse isn't okay.
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Zain_Ahmed
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(Original post by Ciel.)
Long story short, recently my life spiraled a bit out of control. The usual stuff, meaning spending way too much money on all sorts of useless crap, too much partying, and cheating. All this led to a pretty bad argument between me and my boyfriend. At one point when he was trying to stop me from leaving the house, he ended up hitting me in the face and dislocating my shoulder.

He apologised, of course. I'm not mad at him anymore, to be perfectly honest, I know I deserved it. But for some crazy reason, my brain has now developed this crazy aversion towards him, it's come to the point where I don't even want him to touch me. I just find myself avoiding him all the time. He suddenly reminds me of someone I hate, which is plain stupid and illogical. I need advice on how to put our relationship back on track.
No offence...He probs thought it would knock some sense into you.. WHY ARE YOU MAD AT HIM? YOU CHEATED NOT HIM.. I'm suprised he is still after you.. He shouldn't be.. Unfortunatley he only dislocated your shoulder... an arm would be fine because you deserve it... u deserve more tbh... "I'm not mad at him anymore"?? WHY WERE YOU MAD IN THE FIRST PLACE? BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HIM??
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ArtyB
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I suggest ending the relationship. You don't take him or his feelings seriously, at all. He has a lot of anger about it, which is fair. But hitting you?! That is NEVER okay. If you can cheat on someone, lie to them, hurt them and disrespect them... you're wasting their time and breaking their self-esteem. And while he may be angry and hurt, physical violence is NEVER the correct or just answer. You don't respect him and he hit you. This is an unstable and unhealthy relationship and I suggest you put it to rest before it gets worse. A relationship without trust, loyalty and communication, is not a relationship. It is just a competition. Not fair to either party. Just my opinion
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