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My mum said she'll break my legs and disown me if I don't get 7s/As

I have a south asian mum. She has always expected high grades from me and I have always had just below the best (75% average). I am currently in year 10 and the past three years I haven't really revised other than for my Year 10 mocks the night before. I mainly got 5s. I want/My target grades are 7s and 8s. I got my 3rd progress summary report and it was all red. It was terrible. My friend (ella) on the other hand was all green. My mum said how ella's mum must be so proud to talk about her and that she could never say the same about me. She also said she was embarassed to tell her friends what grades I got. There is one more progress summary until year 11 and she said that if I move down sets (from set 1) or don't get higher grades then when I get home she'll beat my legs until they break and she will kick me out. She said she'd beat me with wires until my skin bleeds. She shouted in my face all these things for about 15 minutes. I am used to all this btw, when I was younger she actually hit me with spoons and stuff and sometimes she still does occasionally. I just wanted to write it all down because I cant tell my friends about it. I still love her a lot and she only wants the best for me (she went through a Lot to get me and my sister into england for an education) but sometimes I feel like theres too much pressure and I end up slacking off thinking whats the point. My main problem with revision is that I learn it and then forget it. Even if I review it later, i do other things and totally forget. Sorry for the vent lol.

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and I bet she’s a housewife who is barely educated herself, unironically
My advice: Just solve as many past papers and specimen papers possible, works like a charm. I did my GCSE Equivalent in India and trust me, those things were harder than any GCSE/IGCSE paper when compared. I barely touched 70% in my mocks and in my externals I crossed 90%. A few days before my exams, I just looked at exam style questions, tried solving them as fast as I could and did the topics I kept on forgetting over and over again. Doesn't matter how much anyone expects from you and puts you under pressure, they key is to take NO PRESSURE AT ALL. Believe in yourself and the fact that you can nail those exams out there! I know South Asian fams can put a lot of pressure but they'll always be there for you.
Hope you overcome any problem you are facing and nail your exams! Good Luck!!
That’s abuse. It’s emotional abuse and blackmail And physical abuse because because she is threatening you
Our parents want the best for us but sometimes intervention needs to happen. Did you tell someone you trust ?
Original post by Blackstarr
That’s abuse. It’s emotional abuse and blackmail And physical abuse because because she is threatening you


Exactly, tell your teachers or someone else that you trust!
Original post by Anonymous180
I have a south asian mum. She has always expected high grades from me and I have always had just below the best (75% average). I am currently in year 10 and the past three years I haven't really revised other than for my Year 10 mocks the night before. I mainly got 5s. I want/My target grades are 7s and 8s. I got my 3rd progress summary report and it was all red. It was terrible. My friend (ella) on the other hand was all green. My mum said how ella's mum must be so proud to talk about her and that she could never say the same about me. She also said she was embarassed to tell her friends what grades I got. There is one more progress summary until year 11 and she said that if I move down sets (from set 1) or don't get higher grades then when I get home she'll beat my legs until they break and she will kick me out. She said she'd beat me with wires until my skin bleeds. She shouted in my face all these things for about 15 minutes. I am used to all this btw, when I was younger she actually hit me with spoons and stuff and sometimes she still does occasionally. I just wanted to write it all down because I cant tell my friends about it. I still love her a lot and she only wants the best for me (she went through a Lot to get me and my sister into england for an education) but sometimes I feel like theres too much pressure and I end up slacking off thinking whats the point. My main problem with revision is that I learn it and then forget it. Even if I review it later, i do other things and totally forget. Sorry for the vent lol.

0800 111 11
Original post by gurshaanssethi
My advice: Just solve as many past papers and specimen papers possible, works like a charm. I did my GCSE Equivalent in India and trust me, those things were harder than any GCSE/IGCSE paper when compared. I barely touched 70% in my mocks and in my externals I crossed 90%. A few days before my exams, I just looked at exam style questions, tried solving them as fast as I could and did the topics I kept on forgetting over and over again. Doesn't matter how much anyone expects from you and puts you under pressure, they key is to take NO PRESSURE AT ALL. Believe in yourself and the fact that you can nail those exams out there! I know South Asian fams can put a lot of pressure but they'll always be there for you.
Hope you overcome any problem you are facing and nail your exams! Good Luck!!

Thankyou so much
Original post by goggleyed
and I bet she’s a housewife who is barely educated herself, unironically

actually, she was a lawyer but my dad got her fired and abused her so we had to leave him
it's tough love, I also have an Asian mom and she can be pushy at times but it's because she wants the best. although beating you with wires and breaking your legs doesn't sound very reasonable. start revising Now and go to clubs, ask teachers, do practice questions. if you don't understand a topic do it again and again until you get sick of it. if she went though a lot to get you her then don't let that go to waste. you can do it. I hope things get better for you :smile:
Original post by Anonymous180
I still love her a lot and she only wants the best for me (she went through a Lot to get me and my sister into england for an education) but sometimes I feel like theres too much pressure and I end up slacking off thinking whats the point. My main problem with revision is that I learn it and then forget it. Even if I review it later, i do other things and totally forget. Sorry for the vent lol.

i get exactly where you're coming from.
are you sure she's not just chatting ****? my parents growing up always threatened me to make sure i'd do well. I used to get 5s and 6s in year 10 then jumped to mostly 7s in my final year 11 exams regardless of how they felt. make sure you perform well because you actually want to do well. skim through flashcards everyday, complete every exam paper you can find and keep practicing. signup for quizlet and senecalearning. they are very useful sites and use them regularly to recap knowledge.

has she laid a hand on you since then? i do advise speaking to someone who can support you.
Original post by Anonymous180
I have a south asian mum. She has always expected high grades from me and I have always had just below the best (75% average). I am currently in year 10 and the past three years I haven't really revised other than for my Year 10 mocks the night before. I mainly got 5s. I want/My target grades are 7s and 8s. I got my 3rd progress summary report and it was all red. It was terrible. My friend (ella) on the other hand was all green. My mum said how ella's mum must be so proud to talk about her and that she could never say the same about me. She also said she was embarassed to tell her friends what grades I got. There is one more progress summary until year 11 and she said that if I move down sets (from set 1) or don't get higher grades then when I get home she'll beat my legs until they break and she will kick me out. She said she'd beat me with wires until my skin bleeds. She shouted in my face all these things for about 15 minutes. I am used to all this btw, when I was younger she actually hit me with spoons and stuff and sometimes she still does occasionally. I just wanted to write it all down because I cant tell my friends about it. I still love her a lot and she only wants the best for me (she went through a Lot to get me and my sister into england for an education) but sometimes I feel like theres too much pressure and I end up slacking off thinking whats the point. My main problem with revision is that I learn it and then forget it. Even if I review it later, i do other things and totally forget. Sorry for the vent lol.


https://www.childline.org.uk/

This is abuse and totally unacceptable. How can you focus on your work when you live in fear? Please contact ChildLine for free on 0800 1111
Not while they live in the UK - it's against the law here.
I understand parents wanting you to do good, but threatening physical abuse is just too far. And I feel like often the whole “Asian parent” is used as an excuse and parents just get away with it because “haha they’re asian parents, what else will they do?”, but it’s still wrong for you to be treated like this. Honestly, try and do it for your own success and it will be much better if you have an internal motivation rather than one from being threatened. I wish you luck in your exams and hopefully not experiencing broken legs
(edited 4 years ago)
Agree that reasonable force can be used by parents, but the threats are a bit much, though can't relate to the culture etc.

Original post by Anonymous180
I have a south asian mum. She has always expected high grades from me and I have always had just below the best (75% average). I am currently in year 10 and the past three years I haven't really revised other than for my Year 10 mocks the night before. I mainly got 5s. I want/My target grades are 7s and 8s. I got my 3rd progress summary report and it was all red. It was terrible. My friend (ella) on the other hand was all green. My mum said how ella's mum must be so proud to talk about her and that she could never say the same about me. She also said she was embarassed to tell her friends what grades I got. There is one more progress summary until year 11 and she said that if I move down sets (from set 1) or don't get higher grades then when I get home she'll beat my legs until they break and she will kick me out. She said she'd beat me with wires until my skin bleeds. She shouted in my face all these things for about 15 minutes. I am used to all this btw, when I was younger she actually hit me with spoons and stuff and sometimes she still does occasionally. I just wanted to write it all down because I cant tell my friends about it. I still love her a lot and she only wants the best for me (she went through a Lot to get me and my sister into england for an education) but sometimes I feel like theres too much pressure and I end up slacking off thinking whats the point. My main problem with revision is that I learn it and then forget it. Even if I review it later, i do other things and totally forget. Sorry for the vent lol.

Aside from the threats... focus on your GCSEs for yourself, comb through the specs and make sure you understand everything and practice with as many questions as you can get your hands on.

Good luck, know its not the best situation to be in, though I suspect that she wishes for you to live a good life, though coming from a misinformed perspective. Work hard and you will get the grade you deserve. :smile:
Reply 15
thats pathetic, break your own childs legs because of GRADES?!

no racist but wth is wrong with asians??
Original post by Anonymous180
I have a south asian mum. She has always expected high grades from me and I have always had just below the best (75% average). I am currently in year 10 and the past three years I haven't really revised other than for my Year 10 mocks the night before. I mainly got 5s. I want/My target grades are 7s and 8s. I got my 3rd progress summary report and it was all red. It was terrible. My friend (ella) on the other hand was all green. My mum said how ella's mum must be so proud to talk about her and that she could never say the same about me. She also said she was embarassed to tell her friends what grades I got. There is one more progress summary until year 11 and she said that if I move down sets (from set 1) or don't get higher grades then when I get home she'll beat my legs until they break and she will kick me out. She said she'd beat me with wires until my skin bleeds. She shouted in my face all these things for about 15 minutes. I am used to all this btw, when I was younger she actually hit me with spoons and stuff and sometimes she still does occasionally. I just wanted to write it all down because I cant tell my friends about it. I still love her a lot and she only wants the best for me (she went through a Lot to get me and my sister into england for an education) but sometimes I feel like theres too much pressure and I end up slacking off thinking whats the point. My main problem with revision is that I learn it and then forget it. Even if I review it later, i do other things and totally forget. Sorry for the vent lol.


I am going into Year 11 and I have to get all 9s. Just do the best you can and think about it as doing it for yourself. have a goal to work for e.g I want to do well at GCSEs so I can afford to go to as many BTS, GOT7 and Exo concerts as possible!
(edited 4 years ago)
Hi, I’m a 21 year old from a Chinese family who spent all my educational study in South Africa. I’m now studying in England as well. Although our situation is a bit different, I hope what I say could help you find answers.

You should not be working hard to live up to someone’s expectations no matter how much you owe your success to them, because no one owns you. You are studying for your good, your life and although your mother raised you through blood and sweat, your life is yours to make in the end. Not saying you should abandon your mom’s hopes and expectations though, just telling you that if you don’t even have your own back, when* things go bad (kinda happens a lot in everyone’s lives), you won’t have anything keeping you going.

You can obviously feel your mother’s love behind all those nasty things, but it’s still unhealthy for you mentally. You can slowly open up to someone you trust, and eventually when you have the courage, talk it out with your mom. [If situation persists and you don’t feel like you can handle, or other unforeseen circumstances please hit those emergency numbers.]

As for your study, there’s a chance your usual methods are not working anymore or as well for you. If you have the time and effort, you could use another study method or multiple for 1 subject. You could spread it as little pieces and study over a longer period.

I wish you the best.

My study methods:
For maths and science subjects
Study fundamentals, and formulas, and do a lot of practice work like tests and past papers.

Subjects with a lot of tedious theory and concepts that you can make a sense of by imagination (geography for me)
Cue cards - one word can become a paragraph off your mind if you know it well

Arty - design - practical subjects
I just studied the more interesting parts first via summaries, and for more complicated things or stuff I couldn’t relate to I read over them over time

Language subjects:
Can’t help u here 😂😂😂 I was useless
Original post by JustStudy
I am going into Year 11 and I have to get all 9s. Just do the best you can and think about it as doing it for yourself. have a goal to work for e.g I want to do well at GCSEs so I can afford to go to as many BTS, GOT7 and Exo concerts as possible!


smartt
Reply 19
Wow that’s sad

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