The Student Room Group

Help me please

I don’t even know where to start
I have this only one hijabi friend who I hang out with all the time, she is always telling me how ugly I am, how my clothing really bothers her because of how baggy and boring they look
How I have got manly feautures( I am a female). She picks on my eyelashes the most as they are really thin so you basically can’t see them.
I don’t know what to do
Now whenever I look at the mirror I see a man looking back at me
I feel ugly and look ugly
I know I’m ugly but the ways she says it makes me fell like a hairy ugly disgusting monster
She always tells me how embarrassed she feels to have someone as unattractive as me as their friend. I tried telling my mom she tells me to stop hanging around with her but if I do that that means I will have to be alone and I don’t want to experience that again. She’s my only friend
I never said anything back to her because I don’t want to hurt her feelings
Please someone help me I don’t know what to do
Thank you for reading
shes not good for your mental health. i suggest speaking to her about it, if shes not taking the hint then stop speaking to her.
i think you should start standing up for yourself a bit more ... start by knowing that no one has any right to be treating you like that , alright she may be your only friend but to me it looks like she is quite toxic , if she cant accept you for you then move on and surround urself with people who just accept u for u without question
Reply 3

I’m probably your age(16) and have quite a lot of friends like that. I’m very self conscious and I know I’m ugly so it doesn’t necessarily bother me when someone says that I am.

people like that girl always tend to look down upon themselves because they see themselves as something worthless and just by making fun of you she’s making herself feel just a tiny weeny bit better.

I stopped talking to my best friend a couple of months ago because I found out he was talking to me behind my back. She’s not your friend she’s just using you to waste time to make you herself feel better(btw I’m talking from lots of experience). If she says something about you again confront her and show her that you’re not a toy that can just be mocked and if she doesn’t stop then... she’s toxic and you should get away from her ASAP.

if you’re afraid of losing her because you won’t have many friends then honestly just chill ouuttt.. nothing better than being alone anyways!! I mean I barely have any friends but I love my personality and I just believe that I’ll find good friends who are like me later on in life.

Anyways, I know this will sound cliche as hell but in my opinion at least I think that no girl is ugly. Unless her personality is toxic I.e. rude. For example, there’s this pretty girl in my class and I swear you’d stare at her for hours and you wouldn’t get bored but if they give me a million to even go out on a date with her I won’t.

There’s nothing wrong with having a bit of hair? Guys don’t even notice that!! It’s just in the girls head and her beliefs about how the society should expect women to be bloody Sphinx cat(those pink cats that are hairless haha).

For the clothes part, all I have to say is look at billie Ellish. There’s nothing that looks nicer than a girl in baggy clothes!! Common it’s cute!

Overall, if you still feel down you can private message me to have a convo if you want or whatever but believe me, you are beautiful the way you are and don’t listen to other people that have negative s**t to say about you. Bunch of bloody haters.
P.s as for the manly part, there are more than 3 billion females on earth if you’ve think you’re alone then honestly you have to rethink that.

With much love and good luck, don’t ever let anyone bring you down!!
(edited 4 years ago)
She doesn't sound anything like a friend.
Her comments are spiteful, arrogant and rude.
Ditch her.
Maybe you'll find new friends, maybe you won't.
But you won't be wasting your time with a vicious individual who only wants to insult you.
Reply 5
That comment must of taken a very long time I really appreciate you taking your time to make me feel better . Thank you so much
Original post by Amgad74

I’m probably your age(16) and have quite a lot of friends like that. I’m very self conscious and I know I’m ugly so it doesn’t necessarily bother me when someone says that I am.

people like that girl always tend to look down upon themselves because they see themselves as something worthless and just by making fun of you she’s making herself feel just a tiny weeny bit better.

I stopped talking to my best friend a couple of months ago because I found out he was talking to me behind my back. She’s not your friend she’s just using you to waste time to make you herself feel better(btw I’m talking from lots of experience). If she says something about you again confront her and show her that you’re not a toy that can just be mocked and if she doesn’t stop then... she’s toxic and you should get away from her ASAP.

if you’re afraid of losing her because you won’t have many friends then honestly just chill ouuttt.. nothing better than being alone anyways!! I mean I barely have any friends but I love my personality and I just believe that I’ll find good friends who are like me later on in life.

Anyways, I know this will sound cliche as hell but in my opinion at least I think that no girl is ugly. Unless her personality is toxic I.e. rude. For example, there’s this pretty girl in my class and I swear you’d stare at her for hours and you wouldn’t get bored but if they give me a million to even go out on a date with her I won’t.

There’s nothing wrong with having a bit of hair? Guys don’t even notice that!! It’s just in the girls head and her beliefs about how the society should expect women to be bloody Sphinx cat(those pink cats that are hairless haha).

For the clothes part, all I have to say is look at billie Ellish. There’s nothing that looks nicer than a girl in baggy clothes!! Common it’s cute!

Overall, if you still feel down you can private message me to have a convo if you want or whatever but believe me, you are beautiful the way you are and don’t listen to other people that have negative s**t to say about you. Bunch of bloody haters.
P.s as for the manly part, there are more than 3 billion females on earth if you’ve think you’re alone then honestly you have to rethink that.

With much love and good luck, don’t ever let anyone bring you down!!
Reply 6
I will try to talk to her about it thank you so much for helping me out
Original post by Rid The Kid
shes not good for your mental health. i suggest speaking to her about it, if shes not taking the hint then stop speaking to her.
Reply 7
CUT HER OFF!! A year from now you won’t miss her one bit and you’ll glow up so hard
Reply 8
ditch her? I will feel so bad but I’ll try to sort things out with her but thank you so much
Original post by londonmyst
She doesn't sound anything like a friend.
Her comments are spiteful, arrogant and rude.
Ditch her.
Maybe you'll find new friends, maybe you won't.
But you won't be wasting your time with a vicious individual who only wants to insult you.
Reply 9
If I cut her off I will probably be eating lunch in the toilets but thank you anyway I appreciate it
Original post by miki_00
CUT HER OFF!! A year from now you won’t miss her one bit and you’ll glow up so hard
Original post by HunnieBee
If I cut her off I will probably be eating lunch in the toilets but thank you anyway I appreciate it
you have to learn to fight for yourself. People like are insecure in themselves and need to take it out on someone. She’s made you her target for her stress, so if cutting her off will make you alone, better to be alone than be with fake friends. She won’t have control of you, when you put her in her place. If you have swing at her, do you thing sus
I think it is worth one last go trying to sort this out but if she knocks you back then go it alone.I am sure you are not ugly but loads of teenagers feel this way.You will grow into your looks don't worry.
Original post by HunnieBee
If I cut her off I will probably be eating lunch in the toilets but thank you anyway I appreciate it
Reply 12
Oh no it’s okay but just remember that you’re really worth a better friend than her
Original post by HunnieBee
That comment must of taken a very long time I really appreciate you taking your time to make me feel better . Thank you so much
"Now whenever I look at the mirror I see a man looking back at me
I feel ugly and look ugly
I know I’m ugly but the ways she says it makes me fell like a hairy ugly disgusting monster"


Never mind your face. What's your BMI (Body Mass Index)?
If it's under 25, you are beautiful and desirable. So much so that I would rather make love with someone that looks like you than with the 35% of young women that have a BMI of over 25 - regardless of how their faces look and how you face looks.

This may well be a case where you think you are ugly but I and many other men would think that you are physically attractive.

And then there's your inner beauty. From what you've told us, you are have far more inner beauty than your so called friend.

You could also stop looking in the mirror and stop focusing on yourself. Especially any negative aspects that you might have. Instead focus on your positives and focus on the people around you. Never ever beat yourself up. Never ever talk yourself down. You will meet enough people in the world who will do that already. There's no need to help them lower your self esteem.

This is a time to play the classic Steppenwolf song in your head: "Hold your head up. Hold your head high."
Keep your self esteem at a high level and never ever let anyone drag it down.

As for the nitty gritty for how to deal with your overly negative friend: it doesn't matter much how you deal with her. As long as you act in an ethical way and keep your self esteem high. Treat it as a practical psychology learning opportunity. Try whatever approach you think is best and then see if you can learn anything from how things turn out.
Original post by HunnieBee
I don’t even know where to start
I have this only one hijabi friend who I hang out with all the time, she is always telling me how ugly I am, how my clothing really bothers her because of how baggy and boring they look
How I have got manly feautures( I am a female). She picks on my eyelashes the most as they are really thin so you basically can’t see them.
I don’t know what to do
Now whenever I look at the mirror I see a man looking back at me
I feel ugly and look ugly
I know I’m ugly but the ways she says it makes me fell like a hairy ugly disgusting monster
She always tells me how embarrassed she feels to have someone as unattractive as me as their friend. I tried telling my mom she tells me to stop hanging around with her but if I do that that means I will have to be alone and I don’t want to experience that again. She’s my only friend
I never said anything back to her because I don’t want to hurt her feelings
Please someone help me I don’t know what to do
Thank you for reading


I know it is hard because I have been in the same place only having one very close friend but if someone is making you feel that way they are not a true friend I would never dream of making someone feel that way everyone is beautiful in their own way and say that as someone who felt ugly and horrible about themselves for a long time and what helped me is cutting out the people who made me feel that way and finding new friends who have the same interests as me everyone is beautiful and no one should be made to feel the way you have true friends build you up fake friend knock you down to make themselves feel better
This girl doesn’t sound like a friend. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this, but to be honest I think being alone is better than having someone around who makes you feel bad all the time. Life can be hard enough without having people like that around us.
Yes you may be alone for a bit, but it’s very possible that once you let go of what’s holding you down, you’ll gain more confidence and doors to other healthier friendships will begin to open.

Don’t go eat in the toilets! You’re only solidifying the feeling that you’re not good enough to eat around others without her. This is not true. Sit in the cafeteria even if it’s alone. Look like you’re happy doing it! That shows guts and confidence!
You need time away from that toxicity. It’ll give you time to know the amazing person you are and be ok with that.

It wouldn’t hurt to talk to her about it either and it’s definitely worth a shot. Sometimes people need to be told that their actions and words are hurtful. The view is always different from the outside looking in. Share your feelings and perspective m. There is no need to be ugly with her in return for her ugliness but you do need to be direct. And I wouldn’t worry about hurting her feelings. If you’re not being ugly about your approach, then let her deal with her own feelings about it.

If you insist on speaking with her first, go for it. But please detach yourself from the situation if it doesn’t change. You don’t need it deserve that kind of abuse from anyone!

Praying for your situation. Good luck!

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