Friendships :(

I just found out all my friends talk about me behind my back and call me annoying and such... I always felt tension as if they don't want me around but don't want to say it. They always leave me out and walk off without me. I don't know what to do as people in my school hate me. I have no other friends and I feel so lonely. I have really bad mental health, not even the doctors help me, nor my friends... I don't have the confidence to make friends and I don't have the skills.. This happened in my old school and I don't understand what I do wrong? Why am I so unlikable?

Well this feels like I am reading my own diary. Take it from experience, you need to distance yourself from them. Even if you get close enough to the point that they consider you a friend, they will still remember you as been introverted. Thus if disagreements ensue, you will be on the loosing side. It's not necessarily the fact that you are unlikable, so much as it is that you are more quiet. Sometimes if someone is more quiet, it takes time for them to open up. Due to this, people will think of you as unapproachable. This does not mean there is something wrong with you per say, it just means that you have not been around very kind people. You want to be friends with the people that notice that you are introverted, but refuse to allow you to be quiet.

For instance, sometimes if you are shy, you will not talk straight away when in a new group of people. If you notice someone trying to get you to say your name, get you involved in the group project, and then ask you for your opinion during a discussion each time, take note. This is the person you want to approach. People who want to use you or are generally not very nice, will not put in the effort to get to know you as much as you might think. They will ask you to help them, but will not help you. The person who wants your input and will help you is the one you want to get close to. Unfortunately, they are not found as often as you think. But as a rule of thumb, they are found in certain areas.

For example, people who volunteer are generally the nice ones. You can also find them doing after-school activities or charity work. Getting yourself involved in a club or doing some volunteering will help, because you will find someone there if you look close enough. This will give you the stability and companionship you need, so that you will not need the people from your school to not feel lonely. And they will envy you for it...

It's just it happened twice now in my old school and the school I am in now... It really hurts and has crumbled down my confidence so much that I don't trust people/open up in real life as I am scared I will get ditched or forgotten about. It hurts even more as my "friends" know what I been through and have experienced the bullying with their own eyes, yet they never stand up for me. I don't even know how to make a friend as I am scared of being judged/rejected because people have spread horrible rumours about me and no one believes me.

I prefer writing online as I can say what I am thinking and no one will know who I am.. I hate talking to people about myself in person as I am worried if the doctor/counsellor will judge me or something and I never seem to open up all my thoughts and feelings as much as I can online.

I really want to get help for my mental health, but I have been rejected twice now (last year and back in January). They tell me I am fine, but I know for sure I am not fine, and my parents agree. I've been feeling low and as if i have a grey cloud over my head for at least 2 years now. I told the doctors everything, yet it didn't seem to be enough and brushed it off as if it was normal. 100% sure it isn't normal, not to the extent and length of my experience. I went through it all alone too. No one stood up for me. The doctors didn't even seem concerned about my GCSEs, which I am sure I am failing as I was not motivated to do any revision as my mind is elsewhere and distracted. I am disappointed as the system has failed me and NHS is so underfunded. There needs to be more mental health programmes for teenagers, like a safe place.

It even went to the point where my mum made an appointment to see the doctor on my behalf, but as I am 16 they shut me off and said "this appointment is about you, not your daughter" and completely ignored the fact my mum was asking for directions on where to go and what to do about the situation. They also said that it "wasn't their problem" which is completely rediculous! I was missing school and my attendance was terrible as I was too scared and anxious to go in half the time.



Original post by Den987)

It's just it happened twice now in my old school and the school I am in now... It really hurts and has crumbled down my confidence so much that I don't trust people/open up in real life as I am scared I will get ditched or forgotten about. It hurts even more as my "friends" know what I been through and have experienced the bullying with their own eyes, yet they never stand up for me. I don't even know how to make a friend as I am scared of being judged/rejected because people have spread horrible rumours about me and no one believes me.

I prefer writing online as I can say what I am thinking and no one will know who I am.. I hate talking to people about myself in person as I am worried if the doctor/counsellor will judge me or something and I never seem to open up all my thoughts and feelings as much as I can online.

I really want to get help for my mental health, but I have been rejected twice now (last year and back in January). They tell me I am fine, but I know for sure I am not fine, and my parents agree. I've been feeling low and as if i have a grey cloud over my head for at least 2 years now. I told the doctors everything, yet it didn't seem to be enough and brushed it off as if it was normal. 100% sure it isn't normal, not to the extent and length of my experience. I went through it all alone too. No one stood up for me. The doctors didn't even seem concerned about my GCSEs, which I am sure I am failing as I was not motivated to do any revision as my mind is elsewhere and distracted. I am disappointed as the system has failed me and NHS is so underfunded. There needs to be more mental health programmes for teenagers, like a safe place.

It even went to the point where my mum made an appointment to see the doctor on my behalf, but as I am 16 they shut me off and said "this appointment is about you, not your daughter" and completely ignored the fact my mum was asking for directions on where to go and what to do about the situation. They also said that it "wasn't their problem" which is completely rediculous! I was missing school and my attendance was terrible as I was too scared and anxious to go in half the time.



Original post by Den987)

Alright, so to begin with you want to identify which factors in your life cause the 'grey cloud' to appear. Based on my past, for me the grey cloud was being stuck between '4 walls'. This means that no matter what decision you make, you will stumble somewhere. As a rule, this causes you to be 'stuck', not knowing what to do. However, time still flows by. You are aware of this but are probably not sure how to even begin to solve the issues you already have, causing even more to pile up, and this makes you anxious. The GCSE's failing are just an accumulation of that, but those can be fixed, so you want to start at the beginning.

From what I can understand, these are some of the issues listed in the paragraphs:

1) Lack of healthy companionship
2) Anxiousness and generally sense of unease
3) Rumours
4) Lack of support - doctors haven't been much help
5) Some people seem to be in denial about the severity of the situation
6) GCSE's are falling behind.

The first issue that needs to be addressed is the anxiousness and general sense of unease. This comes from past betrayal and lack of healthy companionship. Those 'friends' of yours seem toxic. They are either are aware of the bullying and don't care, or are completely oblivious. Real friends will not put you in a situation where you are vulnerable or leave you as someone constantly having to explain themselves to others . People who care about you will take time to get to know you, and will notice 'warning signs' and changes in attitude. Those school mates are oppressive and not healthy companions. Distance yourself from them by not instigating interactions or simply giving short answers and phrases. If they talk, let them talk. Rumours will die down on their own. By not getting involved with them, eventually their own actions will turn against them in some way or form.

The challenge will be finding healthy companionship, but that comes with knowing who you are. Find a way to express your emotions and not letting them bottle up. Some people like music or art, personally though I prefer either writing them down or talking to someone. Once you realise what you want in a companion and what has affected you in the past, set about finding one. You can try after school clubs, volunteering, or even sending an inbox to someone on here if you feel comfortable, (though never release any personal details!). If you want more professional advice, then you'll have to insist with a counsellor. You've encountered some of the more 'bad' doctors thus far, but you will eventually find someone 'good'.

The lack of healthy social interaction and companionship is the route to your lack of confidence. Its most likely where the feeling of 'rejection' comes from. However, finding good companionship will lift that 'cloud'. The anxiousness will lessen to the point where you can control it, and you will become much more happy in the end. This will give you more confidence and better motivation to succeed. The GCSE's will pick up after that.

Hope this helps, if you need any help don't hesitate to leave a message

Initially, don’t feel so sad about your friends. I don’t think you should categorise them as friends anyway. Secondly, don’t expect anyone to stand up for you, specially since you said your friends didn’t care about you. You should learn to stand up for yourself. Don’t put high expectations on your friends; as it will only let you down. Ik how it feels to be scared to talk personally to someone because you’re scared of being judged. But believe me, I have been there too, and I only realised that people didn’t really care much. And not all people are the same. You just haven’t met the right people/friends yet. You need to know that people acceptance won’t change anything in your life. You’re the only one to change how your life going. Your friends don’t seem to be caring much about you. So I’d advise you not to make them play any role in your life. You’re the only one who is of full control of your life. Believe me, you’ll find people that are ready to hear you and I’m the first of them. I’m also ps that you’ll be able to find someone irl to understand and talk to you whenever you feel like. You also need to know that you don’t have to have loads of friends. One good friend is much better than having 100 fake friends that fake feelings and trash talk behind your back. So don’t aim to have many friends. Just aim to have the right true friend. Once you find that person, you won’t be ditched or forgotten. Just try to not indulge or go in the wrong group. Start small by making a friend whether it’s in the club or your neighbour or anyone sharing the same interests or hobby. That’s how it starts. Don’t worry much about the rumours people spread. You’ll find this everywhere even in university.

You might think something is wrong with you, but there is nothing wrong with you. You’re just scared, sad, hesitating and having low self esteem and confidence, after what you have gone through. You just need to know that you’re much better than what you really think of yourself.

If you ever wanted to talk about anything, feel free to dm me. Besides, there are many people right here who are ready to help you whether it was online or rl. Believe me, good people still exist. Just try to find someone that lives nearby and spend time with. So you can build a bond with them.

They do know that I'm being bullied as they were with me when a girl would harass me by pulling on my hair ,not hard but pulling) and would name call me, later on that day the girl threw water on me. Then the next day I got water thrown on me again and my "friends" were with me and didn't stand up for me or make sure I was okay. People saw what happened - complete strangers, yet they didn't care and it made me feel invisible. No one asked if I was okay, and I was in compete shock as I was completely humiliated! I did hear some people and the bully's friends snickering at it. The bullying really started because I lost my virg***** with my now ex, for some reason people wanted to intervene in my private life which it totally not okay, and then soon enough loads of people knew and started shaming me and making me feel insecure of myself. I had all sorts of rumours like apparently I was pregnant, and had stds (chlaymida and gonnorhoea) which is totally not true! No one wants to get to know me and I can feel the tension. It really hurts because i haven't been a nasty person to cause the hate. I don't fight people or be aggressive. I am timid and quite fragile and I think people use it to their advantage to manipulate me into making me a puppet to their words. It's hard to stick up for myself as I have no confidence to, and I am unsure how. My friends watch me be made fun of and everything and they've seen me have a panic attack as I was frightened yet they don't stick up for me. They kind of used me in a way as the school set up a room for me (which for some reason I only got the room for like 2 days even though it was meant to be a safe place for me) and I feel like they used me for that. I feel tension with my friends and I'm now certain they don't like me as they never wait for me. The 3 of my friends went to go into the lunch line and completely forgot about me. They know I always go to their class to go with them, yet they didn't wait for me which really upset me as I had to walk around the school on my own, at the time I didn't know where they were so I just sat in a toilet stall on my own for pretty much the whole of break... They've done this before and know it upsets me but they kind of laughed and called it pathetic, but I'm sure they wouldn't like it if they were in my shoes. They always walk ahead of me as a trio and leave me in the back on my own and they always kind of face their heads away from me, so it's hard to engage in the conversation, which feels like they're trying to block me out. I feel emotionally isolated and i feel like I've hit a dead-end in my life with no way out as the doctors don't support me, even when my mum asked for support or where to go, they weren't interested. I have an appointment coming up on the 28th and my parents are stepping their foot down. It's the doctors fault my life is like this as I spoke to them twice now. When I went to the doctors, I felt so uncomfortable as they didn't ask me questions so I felt like I missed key information which could've helped me get the help/medication I need. If I got the help I needed back in january, I would've been in a better mindset, had better motivation to go to school and revise for my GCSE's, but no. When I went they said that the waiting list is a year long (I think for CAHMS or CAMS, don't really know) and there's no point as I wouldn't be in school anymore. They didnt take into consideration my exams which were about 5 months after or so. I felt awkward for talking about myself and just got anxious and just took their word for it and left. I was in there for about 5 minutes. I just feel let down by everything. Exams is making everything worse. I keep having to cram as I have no motivation and haven't for the whole time. It's really sad and I end up exhausted and I keep almost falling asleep in class from it. I don't know what to do. My school knows about my mental health because my parents told them that's why I keep coming out of school and stuff. School doesn't even support me, doctors don't support me and even my "friends" don't. I don't know what I'm going to do in the summer. Nothing to look forward to. My life could've had such a better outcome if I just got the help I needed by the doctors back then. Better GCSE results, being more positive, more energy potentially. I would leave my friendship group if I could, but what would I do then? Where will I go at lunch and break? Who will I speak to? If i leave my friends I'll feel even more lonely. :/ I don't know what to do in my life right now.

So you are 16, so that means year 11. Is there any support system in your school that you know of, like one where you have a buddy from an older year group assigned to you?

Not really, school's system is pretty rubbish. They know what i been through, but act oblivious

Is there a teacher in particular that you feel comfortable speaking with? Or not really?

Only been at the school for a year so not really

If so you can ask your parents to speak to one of your teachers. Ask if it is possible to get you a buddy or study partner.

@#love2learn knows what it's like

My parents have before, the school promised me a room for me like a safe place, but now I am no longer allowed in it for some reason because a teacher needs to be in there, but I don't feel comfortable having a teacher babysit me as I don't really want them listening to my conversations and it just makes me feel awkward, so yeah. I only got that room for like 2 or so days. Pretty pointless. When I had water thrown on me TWICE in the space of 2 days, and she was bullying me for about a year with her friends being there to laugh along, I finally reported it and she only got 2 days of isolation - that was it. However, she was being rude to a teacher after her isolation was over and was calling the teacher names, guess what? she got a week of exclusion for that! How is that fair?
A teacher: got called a couple names and had to go home for it - girl got week of exclusion
Me: got water thrown on me twice and was bullied for a year with fear of reporting it and forced to stay in school - girl gets 2 days isolation

Most likely the reason why her friends were there was because she wanted to show off. She probably has nothing much going on in her life, so she enjoys stepping on others to 'get to the top'. She just doesn't realise, she'll meet those same people going down. Does your school have CCTV by any chance?

Yeah but it happened for a year which is just exhausting She isn't a kind person anyway she would say nasty things to other people like "kys" or "get cancer" it's horrible & yeah they do but my school is rubbish!