So, I am a muslim hijabi girl (15).
My family are pious (not extreme but believers), I have been brought up to believe in islam (not forced). I started practising islam since I was really young, it was my own choice no one forced me I was happy even though I was still a child at that time.
I need to vent out things my family will probably dislike. I have no one that will listen and react/respond. That's why i am here.
So, basically since last year summer, I lost a huge amount of faith in ISLAM not in ALLAH/GOD.
I became depressed at that time, I even stopped practising for a while (stopped praying) but I couldn't anymore and ended up praying again because Allah/God has a huge place in my heart (I guess) and because i decided that:
-i still believe in Allah, i noticed that. Also i still believe in the massangers because i don't think all those people will go around spreading almost the same story when they even never met.
-to never listen to muslim scholars again, since they break my heart with their nasty words about women. i speak 4 languages, so i listen/ read different/a lot of scholars opinion, 99% of them are backward men who put down women.
So, I know its Ramadan and I am currently fasting (And am hungry lol) I don't even know why I am being like this right now but I DONT WANT TO WEAR HIJAB ANYMORE.
1: Yeb, I have been wearing it since I was 9 and I don't think I want to wear it anymore. My mother will be sad if she finds out what I am planning but tbh I want to do what I want.
The reason:
so, lol I don't even know where to begin but I discovered something that changed my mind upside down and made me hate muslim scholars even more.
They say that a slave woman cant wear hijab or even dress modest. ok, tf they believe, I would have told myself its only some backwards that believe in something like that but nope, most of them do. And do you know? they say free women and slave women are not the same? they literally saying, men will not see their body as the same and the free women is more attractive somehow.
so now the question is, since those backwards believe and preach this nonsense, what other nonsense did they preach? i believe there are a lot of none correct things they spread.
*a small reason is that hijabi women are discriminated against here but this is just a small reason for me.
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*other things I want to vent, I hate muslim scholars, ok I sound weird right now but they really hurt me a lot.
*All those scholars keep saying different things, who do i believe?
*you know the most thing that hurts me? they make it seem as if women will go to hell by the slightest mistake. i truly dislike them.
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So here are my big decisions for now:
A: i will not leave islam since i believe in
1:Allah
2:his massengers
3: after life
4: quran
5: and other creation he created.
the reason i believe in them is:
- i believe or think (since nothing is a fact right now) that this big/huge universe cant create itself.
-the scientific facts in the Quran are too much to deny
B: i will remove hijab.
C: i will not get married. ok, this is weird, one of the things muslim scholars cause me is HATING MARRIAGE. yeb, after hearing their nonsense:
- wives should obey husbands
-wives should please husbands
-wives should go where husband wants
-when a woman wants to get a divorce, she either has to PAY as if she was enslaved or she has to search for another MAN (a judge or imam) to FREE her/divorce her.
-the man in the after life will get hoor al ayn + his wife to satisfy him. i know women will also get a what they want BUT what i hate about this is THAT I AM STILL REGARDED AS HIS OBJECT. MOST OF THE SCHOLARS WILL GO AROUND SAYING, ''YOUR WIFE AND YHE HOOR AL AYN ARE THERE TO PEASURE YOU, HA HA HA''.
i don't even believe there will be sex in the after life.
So i am done and i feel depressed as hell.
Thanks dears. I am crying lol. There are a lot more but i am too tired/depressed to even think about them all right now. Sorry btw, English isn't my first language. If you are a muslim and this thread causes you any stress/bad feeling (IF) then sorry.