Hi, well as the title suggests I feel awful and I feel like a failure.
I suppose it all stems from the fact that I come from a bad background, I mean some of my family have been in prison, done drugs and died and commited horrible crimes. I also have unemployed parents but I ended up at uni, having tired really hard in college to get the highest marks achievable at that level (I managed it).
Whilst ive been at uni, ive also used it to get as much experience as I can and I'm currently doing two volunteer jobs hoping to get a third tomorrow. One as a trainee sound engineer for a charity, a digital editor for a student newspaper, and hopefully another tomorrow, as well
as a recent day placement on the Jeremy Vine show at BBC Radio 2 in London (I Live in Hull ) I've also done some cool stuff in the past that I should be proud of like working with the BBC. I should be proud but I'm not.
My dream Is to go into broadcasting when I leave uni, I know theres schemes out there but how likely am I to get one of those, they only want people from under-represented backgrounds, Salford do masters courses in Broadcast Journalism with Media City UK, I so want to do that after I leave. Only I need to fund it. I need the money to achieve my dreams, loans wont cover it enough, but will cover 2/3 I just need another £6,000 between then and September 2020. Which is achievable through a part time job. ( I Live off a loan anyway atm it wont do any ham)
I've applied for so many jobs in Hull (the worst place for employment in the UK), no one wants me at all, being rejected all the time is absolutely destroying me. It's tearing me apart. I'm a nervous wreck of a person. I'm trying so hard, I've tried everything, ive seen the uni carrers people who have all said my CV is fine. I have work experience. I'm also a film and media studies student who got rejected from a cinema, that's how bad it is right now. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be here in this town anymore. I just need that small amount of money to achieve a place on that course. There is no such thing as bursaries and scholarships either ive already spoken to the uni, its the money or nothing.
My parents are also unemployed and I live with them, so I cant go on a gap year, because theyd lose all their benefits, as much as my dad wants to help me (hes disabled) he needs to survive and eat food too.
What do I do just to get the money together. I don't know what to do, its that course or go on benefits right now. (I feel so trapped)