Hes in love with his ex

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months and he told me at the start that he was never over his ex but they couldnt be together, long story short, she lives in Australia and moved with her family about a year ago but they were together for a while before.

Now I know that they can never be together due to a multitude of reasons but am I stupid for staying with him? He says he loves me but IF the choice was easier he would pick her? She has moved on too shes engaged to her fiance so it feels like its only him still with the feelings.

What do I do? I love him and I know he loves me but its just a **** situation right now

Reply 1

PhoenixFortune

Original post by JoJo8833

It seems like you need to have an open and honest discussion with him about this. Don't make him out to be the villain, but be clear about your feelings and ask him what his honest feelings are. That way, everything is out in the open. If you then feel that your relationship does not have the foundation you want it to have, you can decide together whether it's worth working on or walking away from.

To be blunt, no one should have to be the 'consolation prize'.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Why did you get with him in the first place, knowing he wasn't over his ex?

Reply 3

username2393237

You can’t compete with her and you’re going to make yourself miserable. Do you really want to be second best? He has almost canonised her because she’s unattainable. Move on.

Reply 4

JoJo8833

Original post by Anonymous

Why did you get with him in the first place, knowing he wasn't over his ex?

he said he would get over it

Original post by YaliaV

You can’t compete with her and you’re going to make yourself miserable. Do you really want to be second best? He has almost canonised her because she’s unattainable. Move on.

its worse because shes engaged

Reply 5

Aliyah92

I mean this in the nicest way possible but clearly he’s already stated that your 2nd choice in his life as he still clearly places his ex as his number 1 choice. I think you should just move onto someone else and I know this sucks and it will hurt at first because I’ve been there before but honestly time will heal you and you’ll feel so much better in the future for leaving him because no one deserves to feel like a second choice in a relationship x

Reply 6

username2393237

Original post by JoJo8833

its worse because shes engaged

You can do better. He has even told you that he’s only with you because she isn’t available. He’s a total a(£hat to be honest.

Reply 7

MidgetFever

It seems wrong of him to be in a relationship with you if he isn't over his ex... Probably not what you want to hear but I'd be surprised if the relationship could work now that you know that.

Reply 8

Themysticalegg

Ehhh from personal experience this type of thing can get extremely fruity. It just depends whether you're ok with this... the consequences of his feelings over his ex may not be good. Just have that in the back of your mind.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

You do realise the relationship is only going to keep going until she becomes available to him right? Everyday you will fall in love more and more; he is in love with you but the thing is he has never had closure with his ex (so it seems).

Put this way - if you both were stood side by side and he COULD choose (right now his choice is you, not because he is 100% all for you but rather she is unavailable) he would choose her. I mean he has told you this. So where do you go from here?

1) I do agree with you that the whole relationship is probably never going to happen but for you are you happy in living your life always wondering what will happen IF she comes back?

2) Are you happy knowing that your relationship COULD end the second she comes back? You are giving your all into this and it could be for nothing.

Personally, I think it is time to leave - the whole relationship seems completely abnormal. What happens when you might get married or have kids? Will he ever get over it?